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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would your husband go to work in this situation?

208 replies

Cantcookhavetocook · 13/03/2023 04:49

I think I know the answer but just wondering really…

We’ve got a 3 month old and an almost 3-year-old. The older one had major sickness and diarrhoea on Friday night/ Saturday morning and it has now passed to me, so I started being sick and having diarrhoea last night (Sunday night) around 8pm and had my latest bout of vomiting about half an hour ago (04:00 Monday morning). The baby is EBF and having a very restless night so I’ve been up a lot with him, and changing his nappy has made me sick so I’ve had to do that into a bucket (lovely).

My husband starts a new job today, sort of within the same organisation but a promotion and a different team which he will lead. He usually WFH most days but was planning to go to site to kick things off today (Monday), leaving at 05:45 and back home around 19:00. He says he has felt queasy all night but hasn’t been sick or anything. It was also him dealing with the older one when she was poorly as I was downstairs with the baby.

It’s going to be such a hard day with both kids (we also have 2 dogs and 2 cats) but I understand he wouldn’t want to start off badly in his new role. I guess it’s just one day and the littlun was much better after about 16 hours. I am worried about symptoms starting in the baby, though, and life with two children is already tricky as among other reasons our kitchen is downstairs and bathroom
upstairs (doesn’t sound much but it is a lot of hassle up and down stairs, opening and closing baby gates, making sure the children are never left alone etc).

I am just wondering, would your husband still go out to work in this situation? I haven’t said anything but I was sort of hoping he wouldn’t- but I get why he is. Hope this makes sense!

OP posts:
smellyflowers · 13/03/2023 07:50

Salverus · 13/03/2023 07:46

'Setting the tone' would not be not coming in on your first day because you feel slightly queasy.

But he feels slightly queasy because he's probably about to vom

londonrach · 13/03/2023 07:51

Yes as it's a new job and it look awful to miss the first day

Roundandnour · 13/03/2023 07:53

No. I would wfh in this situation. If my partner said they were going to go in I would ask wtaf they are thinking. Have they learned nothing over the past couple of years about passing on stuff.

Absolutely selfish to pass this on when there are options.

My first day at a new company I had to take it off. I called and spoke to boss, explained the situation and were completely fine about changing my start day. That type of understanding was one od the reasons I stayed for years.

SalmonKnicks · 13/03/2023 07:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Testina · 13/03/2023 07:54

“we also have 2 dogs and 2 cats”

It depends for me how much work those 2 cats are.

CountryParsonPetal · 13/03/2023 07:54

I'd have to go to work on this situation, my work would look extremely unfavorably on non-attendance.

Auliza · 13/03/2023 07:55

If he’s felt unwell and there’s been a sickness bug around the house then definitely not, first day or not. If it was a new employer then probably but surely they already know him as trustworthy.

Don’t think anyone would appreciate him spreading it around and then they can take it home to their families 🤢. Covid has definitely left a mark and changed many opinions on illnesses in the workplace.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 13/03/2023 07:58

As he's moving internally, the organisation will have a good feel for his work ethic, which is presumably pretty good since they have just promoted him. So I'd wfh today, and not risk infecting the office.

Salverus · 13/03/2023 07:59

among other reasons our kitchen is downstairs and bathroom
upstairs

Eh? I think that's most people set up op.

If you can just lay on the sofa or everyone in bed for the day with headphones and a laptop or phone for the 3 year old. Hope you feel better soon.

Natsku · 13/03/2023 08:01

Putting aside all other issues, if there's a D&V bug going around the house and he's starting to feel queasy he should not be going in, first day or not, especially when he has the option to WFH.
Mine has often stayed home to help if I'm ill or me and the children are ill but a first day situation might be different, but he'd definitely stay home if he was getting ill (sometimes he stays home just because he doesn't feel like it so its a very low bar for him Grin)

Xrays · 13/03/2023 08:04

I think if it seems he’s coming down with the bug he shouldn’t go in. But if he’s otherwise ok and you’re coming at this from the angle that you want him at home to help then I think you’re being unreasonable. It’s the first day of a new role and it’s important he’s there: I’d expect my dh to go in and I’d muddle through.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 13/03/2023 08:08

Mine would, and did. I also worked but he left the house at crack of dawn due to long commute.

FUPAgirl · 13/03/2023 08:08

Given that he can WFH, I would expect him to do that, but he still won't be much help to you given he has to work. I just wouldn't want him spreading this horrible thing.

Emmamoo89 · 13/03/2023 08:09

My partner wouldn't and I certainly wouldn't. I work with food.

WilsonMilson · 13/03/2023 08:14

If he was feeling fine then he should absolutely go to work, it’s one day, you can make it through.

Not so sure given that he is queasy - these bugs spread like wildfire and it’s a bit selfish of him to put others at risk.

But just to stay at home for you, no.

speakout · 13/03/2023 08:15

Yes he would go to work.

When my youngest was only a few moths old ( EBF) - her, me and my 2 year old all developed chicken pox.
My OH went to work.

aSofaNearYou · 13/03/2023 08:17

If he was feeling well I would say he shouldn't if it was just a normal day of work, but I can see why he would as it's his first day in a new role.

As he's feeling queasy I don't think he should go in - he obviously has the bug and will quickly come down with symptoms and spread it around.

asdfamilyadhd · 13/03/2023 08:24

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

🤦‍♀️ There’s always one isn’t there

Roselilly36 · 13/03/2023 08:25

DH has always been self employed, he would definitely go to work, in fact the minute he bought me home from hospital with both of our babies, he went straight back to work. None of this two weeks off, that employed people seem to do. Sometimes as a mum you will have tough nights and sickness to deal with you just have to get on with it. Not easy I know. But it’s not forever.

doadeer · 13/03/2023 08:26

No my DH wouldn't. He would stay and help me and go in to the office later this week.

If it's contagious like that he shouldn't go in!

MulletAndMustache · 13/03/2023 08:28

Roselilly36 · 13/03/2023 08:25

DH has always been self employed, he would definitely go to work, in fact the minute he bought me home from hospital with both of our babies, he went straight back to work. None of this two weeks off, that employed people seem to do. Sometimes as a mum you will have tough nights and sickness to deal with you just have to get on with it. Not easy I know. But it’s not forever.

And sometimes dads need to step the fuck up.

Lots of low standards here in terms of parenting and being a good partner. And plenty willing to be a martyr.

doadeer · 13/03/2023 08:28

And even if a new manager / colleague was due to meet me in the office but I heard their entire family was sick including a small baby that absolutely wouldn't lead to a bad impression! I would be more likely to think badly of a man who left his sick wife and baby. Most jobs aren't that important!

EvelynKatie · 13/03/2023 08:30

I had to call in sick on the first day of a new job at a new organisation before, because I’d spent the previous 12 hours with D&V. Not the best thing to have to do, but it worked out fine in the end.

billy1966 · 13/03/2023 08:30

aSofaNearYou · 13/03/2023 08:17

If he was feeling well I would say he shouldn't if it was just a normal day of work, but I can see why he would as it's his first day in a new role.

As he's feeling queasy I don't think he should go in - he obviously has the bug and will quickly come down with symptoms and spread it around.

This.

It's an awful dose to pass around his office and he won't be thanked for it.

It is passed on so easily too.

Roselilly36 · 13/03/2023 08:35

@MulletAndMustache My DH would have helped when he got home from work. If he didn’t go to work, he doesn’t earn, that’s a fact. Nothing to do with not caring or “stepping up”. We had two babies under two and a mortgage & bills to pay.