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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a WWYD re inherited house

221 replies

Pbbananabagel · 12/03/2023 23:05

So my Sibling and I inherited a house from our parents which they have been living in for the last few years.
with the cost of living crisis obviously money is tight for both our families and I am now desperate to either sell to be honest as it would be a life changing amount of money at present.
my sibling obviously has no intention of leaving but says they cannot buy me out at present due to lack of finance herself but this is really impacting on my family of 4 whereas they only have themself and partner to think of as child is significantly older and at Uni now. They pay all bills and maintenance on the house and I’ve never wanted to demand anything more but I feel like I’m being taking my a mug now.

aibu to be really frustrated? I don’t want to piss them off as they’re the only family I have now but I really need to figure out how to move this issue forward.

OP posts:
bibbybox · 12/03/2023 23:16

They pay all bills and maintenance on the house and I’ve never wanted to demand anything more but I feel like I’m being taking my a mug now.

i don't think you are being taking for a mug as they have been paying for the upkeep. why is your sister so reluctant to sell?

notapizzaeater · 12/03/2023 23:18

Are they paying you rent ? They should be paying half market rates

Overthebow · 12/03/2023 23:19

Yes either they pay you rent or you all sell.

ooheeoohahahtingtangwallawallabingbang · 12/03/2023 23:19

Yeah they should be paying you rent then if they want to stay in it. They don't just get to live there in half your house as though it's all theirs. They should pay you rent until they can afford to buy you out, or they need to sell.

JudgeRudy · 12/03/2023 23:20

bibbybox · 12/03/2023 23:16

They pay all bills and maintenance on the house and I’ve never wanted to demand anything more but I feel like I’m being taking my a mug now.

i don't think you are being taking for a mug as they have been paying for the upkeep. why is your sister so reluctant to sell?

Really. You think the maintenance equates to £800+ per month? She's not paying rent.

TrashyPanda · 12/03/2023 23:23

She def needs to be paying rent.

HipHipWhoRay · 12/03/2023 23:23

as Per PP, they need to pay rent on their half, but going forward you’d be liable for half the maintenance costs too

HipHipWhoRay · 12/03/2023 23:24

rent on your half I meant

DojaPhat · 12/03/2023 23:25

You're going to need a plan. They've got an excellent deal. Consider that they might intend to live their pretty much till they die then their half goes to their child who may return live there post Uni. Then the house becomes the 'family' home of your niece/nephew thus continuing the cycle. You risk rocking the boat of course as currently they've got a very cushy deal but it's either that or festering resentment on your part.

bibbybox · 12/03/2023 23:25

@JudgeRudy the sister has been living there for the last few yrs, I have no idea what money she has put into the property. Obviously the OP is completely entitled to want to sell but it's not just about that but maintaining familiar

bibbybox · 12/03/2023 23:25

family relations

DojaPhat · 12/03/2023 23:25

live *there

bibbybox · 12/03/2023 23:26

why did the sister move in in the first place?

JudgeRudy · 12/03/2023 23:27

Agree with others. They pay half the rent minus half the upkeep. I'd be kind though and round down. So if you see similar properties for £900 and they say it's worth £800 just say fine, that's £400pcm you owe me. If they spend £200 on a plumber they only pay £700 that month. How long have they been there. If they can't buy you out after 6 months of paying no rent chances are they won't be able to later....unless there's a master plan they're not sharing.
If you do fall out it won't be because you 'kicked them out on the street'....it'll be because they refused to pay rent/move out

vipersnest1 · 12/03/2023 23:32

You need a formal agreement covering rent, maintenance costs, etc. For example, she would have to be responsible for all utilities going forward. Make sure that the rent is 50% current market costs as you're not a charity - and make sure there is a clause that covers increases.
If she wants to stay there, you could consider letting out other bedrooms to help defray your cost - remember you own it too and if they're kicking their heels up in a larger property all to themselves then I think it's reasonable for you to have some monetary advantage too.
All in all, I think spending a bit of money to see a property lawyer would be a good thing in your circumstances.

PillBoxes · 12/03/2023 23:35

If she makes no effort to be fair, I'd honestly move my family in, share the upkeep and rent your own out.

Yes, yes I know..... but file it away as a possible tactic/threat just in case!

TheGoogleMum · 12/03/2023 23:36

We're they living there before it was inherited or was it their home before this?

Original poster
Pbbananabagel · 12/03/2023 23:45

@TheGoogleMum they moved In a couple of months before mum passed, she had lung cancer so they stayed with her through it as I live away from the area.

I've always felt grateful and we’ve always gotten on so well I honestly don’t know how to approach it as every time I mention how stretched we are she says she is too.
DH and me are self employed - we have a coffee van we take to events and do vintage style cake etc and business has not been great of late. DH has got another part time job but he’s getting frustrated there’s this asset we can’t do anything about so it’s putting a strain on there too.

OP posts:
saraclara · 12/03/2023 23:55

Where did they live before they moved in with your parents? Presumably they managed to rent a place then. It's absolutely unfair that they are sitting on your half of the value of the house. That's life changing money for you, that you're just watching them enjoy.

Time to put your foot down. You've been patient but now you need your share of the house (and not half the rental value, because the lump sum is infinitely more useful.

SD1978 · 13/03/2023 00:04

They're taking the piss. Either they pay rent to you, or it's sold. They are living rent free in a house they don't fully own.

Scottishskifun · 13/03/2023 00:45

So they either need to pay you rental income (50% of market rate) or it gets sold.

poetryandwine · 13/03/2023 00:49

Everything here is valid and sensible, OP, but obviously it is difficult. I think it would be helpful to see a solicitor. Good ones have an excellent grasp of human relations and will try to find an out-of-court solution

Phoebo · 13/03/2023 01:17

They need tp be paying you about 40% market rent (or work out what the maintenance equates to). No wonder they're happy for that arrangement!!

MrsOrange · 13/03/2023 01:37

So Mum passed a few years back and it never got sorted? I think you need to ask for a sit down and discuss the finances. Get some facts in place first like market rent, what you can remember of maintenance and rough idea on utilities if you can. I suspect they are hoping it just bumbles along as it is. You may find if they have to pay rent then they'll be keener to sell.
Good question about where they were before - were they renting or did they sell their old place?
If you're a family that tends not to talk about money then its going to be awkward but its got to be done.

ThinWomansBrain · 13/03/2023 01:53

money may be tight - but it's worth investing in a solicitor to get them out, or at least half the market rent, and to see where you stand on back rent if they've been there for a few years.
The money from the sale would give them a decent deposit on another property - or they could get a mortgage on the property to buy you out if they want to stay there. If they have to start paying rent, their attachment to that property may lessen.
If they only moved in a couple of months before DM's death, what was their living situation before that? - if they have a teenage child they must have been fairly settled.

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