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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread Mother’s Day as a single parent?

210 replies

Mumsday · 12/03/2023 10:31

Name changed for this as other posts are outing.

I’m a single parent to 3 dc aged 10 to 16. I HATE Mother’s Day because I just want to be spoilt a bit for the day but it never happens. My eldest is ND and isn’t really capable of cooking a roast without a lot of supervision (which would defeat the purpose for me) and the others are a bit young so would also require supervision.

We don’t really have the funds to go out as where we live it would end up costing around £100 for the four of us.

Then there is my mum, who also would like to spend the day with us and obviously I’m not going to ask her to cook.

Most years I just end up cooking a roast for us all, which I could just suck up again but it makes me feel so sad that it’s just another day of endless housework.

None of my friends are single and they all get lunch cooked for them by their husbands!

My dc will bring me a card etc in the morning so they do spoil me a bit. It’s just the meals really.

Any ideas of what we could do to give me a day off?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 12/03/2023 10:33

Order in? During the pandemic most places did delivery on Sunday lunch it was popular so they kept it up afterwards

Auntieobem · 12/03/2023 10:34

Could kids manage to cook something simpler than a roast?

Mortimercat · 12/03/2023 10:34

Maybe do something less labour intensive than a roast dinner? Or at least by the parts pre prepared so you just have to put in the oven.

namejump · 12/03/2023 10:35

Could your kids do something cheaper or easier than a roast? So maybe a takeaway that would be nearer £50? Or a nice lunch that would easy for them to pull together and clean up after? Like a picnic? Maybe they could bake you a cake?

namejump · 12/03/2023 10:36

Or get the M&S dine in roast dinner that is about £20 and is mostly pre-made and just needs heating up, I quite enjoyed the last one we had!

mrssanchez · 12/03/2023 10:36

Go out for a picnic (assuming the weather isn't too awful!)?
Get the kids to make pizzas and clear up the mess after?
If you really want a roast but don't want to cook, just get a rotisserie chicken and a load of pre-prepared veg, don't stress about it.

CalistoNoSolo · 12/03/2023 10:38

Why on earth do you have to have a roast? Just do a fun 'high tea' instead that all of your children can help with. And your mother can muck in too. For me mothers day is about spending time with my daughter, not expecting her to slave over the cooker all day while I sit on my arse.

Redebs · 12/03/2023 10:38

I have never felt any enthusiasm for Mothers' Day for myself. A card is nice, but I don't expect special treatment for a commercially created non event.

I did used to like to send nice things to my own mum, but she died last year and I'm still not over it.

Hebehouse · 12/03/2023 10:38

Sorry it feels tough for you! I'd suggest lowering your standards a bit. Also recommend the children's book 'Banana Spaghetti'. It's really cute!
Just have a nice day with your children and your mum, and ignore all the social media mother's day broadcasting. It's a lovely day at the beginning of spring! How about going to a park and looking at flowers?

Schmutter · 12/03/2023 10:39

I’d order in or get some nice ‘ready’ stuff from M&S or Waitrose?

My kids are great cooks, but I don’t think they’ve ever cooked for me on Mother’s Day. But then a roast doesn’t appeal to me.

xJoy · 12/03/2023 10:39

I don't give it any thought now, DC are teens, but when my DC were younger it seemed to be an opportunity for loads of Married mums to blow up on facebook about how ''spoiled'' they were. I did roll my eyes a bit. It came off a bit self-validating. Like ''looooooook how valued I am, loooooooked how loved I am''.

Not always but sometimes. Like, so, you got breakfast on a tray in bed. Delighted for you.

Try not to let it bother you @Mumsday I think as your kids get older, the square peg in a round hole feeling fades. When the DC are young everybody sees you in terms of how you deviate from a stereotypical adult and as your kids become young adults themselves, people don't really judge you as a mum in a family with a man missing anymore. I hope this makes sense.

Hooklander · 12/03/2023 10:40

OP, does your mum expect you to cook a roast for her?

What would she say if you were honest and said you didn't want to do it this year, and could she bring a dish please to contribute to a lunch buffet?

gamerchick · 12/03/2023 10:41

You can get roast dinners delivered. You don't have to cook.

xJoy · 12/03/2023 10:41

And yes, get some of those pain au chocolate that you put in the oven, orange juice, decent coffee! Buy yourself flowers! Buy yourself a gift.

I got myself something lovely 3 years ago, and a few people asked who it was from. Just say ''from me to me!''

Helpmethanks · 12/03/2023 10:42

Do a traybake

If you really want a roast the chicken & chorizo on here looks good

Prep it a day or two before then bring to room temperature and bung in oven on the day

www.bbc.co.uk/food/chefs/rukmini_iyer

PaigeMatthews · 12/03/2023 10:42

Why does it have to be a roast? Stop that idea and you reduce your workload massively straight away.

PollyPut · 12/03/2023 10:44

The DC should be able to manage bake at home pastries for breakfast - look near the butter in the fridge section. I am sure they would like to treat you like this.

Re the roast - I'd do it if your mum likes it, but get the DC to help. They need to learn how to cook it anyway so just give them jobs (peeling etc) and you can all do it together and talk and teach them. With any luck it might become a new family routine to prepare it together

Aftjbtibg · 12/03/2023 10:45

Could you not forgo the roast and buy something easy to make and have a lazy day?

EmmaDilemma5 · 12/03/2023 10:45

I think you're romanticising mother's day. Lots of mothers in a relationship aren't spoiled, I know I'm not (nor do I care to be).

There's a middle ground to be had. Why don't you buy some nice ready made food to share? Or, ask your mum over in the evening for chocolates and a film.

Really though, it's one day. One capitalist day. If you're feeling wiped, then try to feature some self care into your life but please don't let mothers day make you feel bad, it is a let down for so many people.

Itcouldhappenabishop · 12/03/2023 10:46

Omg OP please step away from the fabricated idea that Mothers Day is in any way special. I was married for 10 years, 2 DC, my exH never did a fucking thing for MD. like every other day of the year. So don't think that being a single parent makes it worse. You don't have to cook a roast. You don't have to do a damn thing.

Ayhbar · 12/03/2023 10:46

I usually help my kids to do something for me, otherwise we all feel a bit bad on the day. So I might buy them some ingredients to make a treat, or they contribute to a takeaway, or we have an (inexpensive) outing all together, or play games together. I would usually plan with them what would be nice for everyone in advance. And I try to remember the good things I feel about being a mother, as well as the hard things.

ashamedmum007 · 12/03/2023 10:49

I dread it too. Its so depressing carrying on as normal and seeing friends and relatives post about the amazing day they have had. Staying off socials doesnt even help as family group chats are full of it, whilst im on my own for this time the 9th year in a row getting nothing. Same for birthdays. Same for christmas. It gets draining year in year out never being spoiled and watching people around you having lovely days.

SchoolTripDrama · 12/03/2023 10:52

Also a single parent (widowed) and it's quite a funny arrangement here as my child is only 8. So my Mum generally gets a little something 'from' my DD and then of course I give my Mum a gift too! So it's a gift exchange. Usually a plant arrangement!

Can’t say I'm too concerned with being 'spoilt' given that I'm an adult but perhaps that's because I've never really been given gifts, even as a child. Nor had many meals cooked for me since early childhood.

Mother's Day is about your children showing appreciation for what you do for them. Not just gifts or meals cooked. Is there another way they could show this to you? Something they could all do together????

Hellno45 · 12/03/2023 11:01

You have totally unreasonable expectations. I'm married. I'll get a home made card and socks. I won't be getting a roast dinner. If you want a roast book Toby.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 12/03/2023 11:07

Order a takeaway and tell them in advance that you would like a card and a bunch of daffodils.

I think there is a "grass is greener" situation with regards to your friends though - most mothers definitely do not get a roast dinner lovingly home cooked by their husband. A meal out if they can afford it, maybe a takeaway if not, hopefully a card and flowers "from the children", but the day of spoiling that you are wistfully envisioning is not the reality for most.