To dread Mother’s Day as a single parent?

[Mumsday]

Name changed for this as other posts are outing.

I’m a single parent to 3 dc aged 10 to 16. I HATE Mother’s Day because I just want to be spoilt a bit for the day but it never happens. My eldest is ND and isn’t really capable of cooking a roast without a lot of supervision (which would defeat the purpose for me) and the others are a bit young so would also require supervision.

We don’t really have the funds to go out as where we live it would end up costing around £100 for the four of us.

Then there is my mum, who also would like to spend the day with us and obviously I’m not going to ask her to cook.

Most years I just end up cooking a roast for us all, which I could just suck up again but it makes me feel so sad that it’s just another day of endless housework.

None of my friends are single and they all get lunch cooked for them by their husbands!

My dc will bring me a card etc in the morning so they do spoil me a bit. It’s just the meals really.

Any ideas of what we could do to give me a day off?

My eldest was 7 when I became a single parent. She improvised a breakfast in bed, had a mother's day card from school and did her own homemade one. And every other mothers day has followed the same pattern, dc l99k to spoil me. No reason your dc can't do the same, to their capabilities.

I wouldn’t expect my DC or DH to cook for me.
Order a takeaway or get some nice sandwiches and cakes from a bakery? It will be cheaper than going out.
Its not fair of your mum to expect that from you.

It's nothing to do with being a single parent.

There are alot of mums who will feel this pressure on the day. Not everyone is married, some are estranged or have lost their mums.
It's just a made up day by the card companies to get cash out of you.

*Most years I just end up cooking a roast for us all, which I could just suck up again but it makes me feel so sad that it’s just another day of endless housework.

None of my friends are single and they all get lunch cooked for them by their husbands!

My dc will bring me a card etc in the morning so they do spoil me a bit. It’s just the meals really.

Any ideas of what we could do to give me a day off?*

So if you actually do get a bit of a fuss and cards from the kids and you only have a problem with the cooking surely you are aware you can easily make the decision to not give yourself extra housework? Skip the roast and order pizza, everyone is happy.

Why wouldn’t you expect your DH to cook for you though?

I understand this but when you’re a single parent you do have to do the work of two parents most of the time so it is really lovely to have a break sometimes.

So it’s not really the same as being married.

OP, you’re spending too much time on social media thinking everyone else has a wonderful life just because they post endless ‘happy families’ photos when it’s all bollocks.

I’d also love someone to cook a meal for me or be taken out for dinner occasionally, but that’s unlikely to happen. My DH of 20 years never cooks. He’s incompetent in the kitchen and lives on salad and he has no interest in cooking for us or eating out.

I’d also like my mum to not be dead for the last 23 years but c’est la vie!

If you want a break from cooking then you should look at the meals you are making on a day to day basis and try to do some simplifying.

I've got a 16 year old and she would be able to make a stir fry for us all for example. Some chopping. One pan. Done.

We have supermarket pizza one night a week. I don't care if I'm sick of it, we have it because it's easy and there is no washing up and I don't have to think. Thinking of the meals is the worst part of it for me.

This is my first Mother's Day since ex left. 3 children under 7. I'm hoping he will sort a card but I know my eldest has made one herself as found it tucked away in her room. I'm happy have a day of no washing / ironing and maybe just do some baking with eldest and get a takeaway in. I don't think ex ever cooked a big meal or bought me breakfast in bed anyway so I'm thinking I'll just start new traditions with the kids instead

We’ve never really acknowledged Mother’s Day in our family, I feel like it’s just another opportunity for shops to sell stuff!
but if you want a break, get a takeaway or M&S posh ready meal

As I said, I’m not on social media.

Stop cooking a full roast if it's not a treat for you... This is a non problem.

Simplify the day OP. You don't want to cook. Go somewhere for dinner instead. Or get a nice afternoon tea or something. Spoil yourself and include you mum (if you want) or not.

Buy everything you need for a roast ready prepared to go straight into the oven. After DC do the washing up.

Could your DC make dessert, a plate full of fairy cakes covered in sprinkles and sweets should be easy enough or ask your DM to bring dessert.

Give yourself the day off, don't do any housework that isn't necessary to be done that day.

Is there a Toby Carvery near by? I think it's £10.00 ish each for a roast then about £6.00 each for a dessert. It's a bit cheaper for kids under 12. If you buy the unlimited soft drink everyone pays once and can drink however much they like. Maybe your DM could go half's with you seeing as it's Mother's Day for you both and you're both getting a treat. Book a table in advance though as everyone else will have the same idea.

Or have a conversation with your mum. Tell her as you are also a mum you should also be spoilt. Maybe you both take turns each year cooking the roast if that's possible.

You want to celebrate mothers day and that's great. Many of us do, there's nothing wrong with marking the day. You work hard throughout the year and you'd like to have something special on the day.

You'd like a roast dinner, only way you can get one is by making it yourself. What about making it the day before and reheating on the day? Everyone can help heat it up. Have some nice ready made desserts.

Your expectations are way off. I was a single parent and never expected any of that just a card made at school. When DD was older she did things herself but I didn't feel entitled to anything as a right.

I’ve never had lunch cooked for me by my husband on Mother’s Day ,or indeed any other day.
im married with 4 adult dc and I was just thinking the same as u op ,it’s another bloody day of housework,where I too will cook a roast and serve it and wash up .
eldest daughter will buy a card ,other 3 will scribble their names ,maybe another candle if I’m lucky ,and that’s it ,their job is done ,back to their rooms ,while I make them sandwiches for lunch and a roast for dinner.
yay Mother’s Day ,can’t wait

You are overthinking this - set them up to do a meal they can do....a "Party Tea" is much loved in our house and involves assembling, heating the odd thing and sticking stuff on a buffet table. Sausage rolls, pizza, cheese and pineapple, whatever you like...

Or a meal they can do like pasta and sauce with cheese....

maybe buy some of those mini Yorkshire pudding canapes as a treat that is roast-esque.

What about you and your Mum take year about cooking? Surely your Mother can see that you are a Mum too and deserve a treat? Or you both split the cost of eating out? Or failing that order pre-prepared roast stuff from M&S. Or what about a nice afternoon tea out? I hope you have nice Mothers Day whatever you end up doing! Sounds like you are doing a great job!I l'm sure in a few years the children will take you out. Xx

A roast can be pretty easy if you use frozen roast potatoes and frozen veg. Then it's just a case of putting things in the oven at the right time then putting the veg on which the children should be able to manage. Or get the kids to cook or make breakfast in bed.
My children have used to get me a present that they create with bits they get for a few pounds in Poundland and made me breakfast in bed, with varying degrees of success (one year I got whetabix with no sugar as that's how I gave it to them and I had to pretend it was lovely despite usually putting loads of sugar on mine 🤣)

I don't observe Mother's Day after the card and flowers my DS gives me in the morning. Would your mum look after the kids some other random day that's not Mother's Day? If so, ask her. If you don't want to cook on Sunday then don't. Get an Ocado order or something with some lovely pre made food that you can put in the oven or go out for lunch.

Hi, single mum of 8yo twins here. I totally get it, meals are not something I’m treated to!

last year we struck good though, Premier Inns (and beefeaters I think) do a breakfast buffet for £9.99. Kids eat free! (2 anyway) That’s for full English and continental. We eat our weight in eggs, bacon and pastries, rarely need anything else til teatime. Such a bargain. Your mum would be £9.99 too, and that would get your third kid in for free too.

so go out for a late breakfast instead of lunch? The first time we did it I booked for 10.30, thinking we’d make it brunch, but was a rush to get seconds in before it ended. So we’ve done 9.30 since then…

I’ve been there OP! And I’d say to avoid bitterness you have to get quickly used to asking exactly for what you want - in a way that your children are capable of giving. My kids both have SEN in different ways and I now plan in advance Mother’s Day.

We do a tea and cakes - me and DS bake the cakes. I also ask for cards, which I usually have to really remind/cajole/ put paper in front of them and for one I have to tell him exactly what to put and say.

I then tell my youngest what I want in the evening which is for once sitting with me for dinner eating pizza usually ordered in on a meal deal or from the shops. And watch a short TV programme with me.

I’ll be honest of course sometimes it’s not ideal, I have to do the cooking, I am only ‘allowed’ 2 hours from my youngest because otherwise it’s a break from his routine, and I’d love to be really pampered. But I know that was my reality so you just have to make the best of it.

Did you read my OP?