To dread Mother’s Day as a single parent?

[Mumsday]

Name changed for this as other posts are outing.

I’m a single parent to 3 dc aged 10 to 16. I HATE Mother’s Day because I just want to be spoilt a bit for the day but it never happens. My eldest is ND and isn’t really capable of cooking a roast without a lot of supervision (which would defeat the purpose for me) and the others are a bit young so would also require supervision.

We don’t really have the funds to go out as where we live it would end up costing around £100 for the four of us.

Then there is my mum, who also would like to spend the day with us and obviously I’m not going to ask her to cook.

Most years I just end up cooking a roast for us all, which I could just suck up again but it makes me feel so sad that it’s just another day of endless housework.

None of my friends are single and they all get lunch cooked for them by their husbands!

My dc will bring me a card etc in the morning so they do spoil me a bit. It’s just the meals really.

Any ideas of what we could do to give me a day off?

Be grateful you have three children who love you and that your mum is still around. It's far more than many people have.

My mum was also a single parent and mother's day was so incredibly stressful for me as a child. My DM was always a bit forlorn on the day and any small effort we made never really met her expectations. We didn't have anyone to buy things on our behalf, and she wanted to be "spoiled" rather than have orange juice and toast in bed. I hate it even more now that everyone is gushing on social media about how wonderful their dc are because they bought them xyz.

Also, I give my dcs a bit of money to spend on me on my Birthday/Christmas and mothers day. They'll go off and choose something and hide it until the day. It makes them happy to wrap something up to give to me. I'll write a little list of things that I might want and they'll have their budget.

Start your own traditions. What do you love to do with the kids?

Long lie in
Lazy brunch (ready made if needs be)
Walk with the dog
Late sandwich lunch watching a film
Early night for the kids and a glass of wine over a movie or good book Congratulate yourself for looking after the children all by yourself

@CDiamond I just mean I don't expect presents or too much from young children. They can 'buy into' Mother's Day when they are old enough- like I do for my mum.
Obviously I get drawings, homemade cards etc

I didn’t enjoy Mother’s Day when I was with my partner. There would be a lovely initial fuss with breakfast in bed and cards from the kids, but once I got up I would be left with the clearing up and washing up for my lovely breakfast. Ex didn’t think that it would have been nice if he’d relieved me of housework duties on that one day of the year (hence ex)

One of my nicest Mother’s Day was when DC did me afternoon tea - with plenty of Prosecco - zero cooking just lovely cakes sandwiches and scones with cream and jam

Same here.l - any expectation just leads to disappointment so I've learnt to expect nothing. Not a single parent - I have a DH and an ExH and still no one manages to get the children sorted. I've had years of sadness, anger and now just can't be arsed with it all!

Aww can your 16 yo not do anything if you told them you're feeling down about it? I understand your sentiments but even when my dc push me to my limits I remember how lucky I am to have them. I spend the day looking through old photos and remembering the best bits.

No way I cba to cook a roast though. And if you're insisting it's not social media and is traditional, the way I was raised was to spend the morning in church on Mothering Sunday where all the dc made something for their mums. That's tradition in the U.K. so unless you're off to church I'd accept it's a commercialised day that doesn't have to be recognised with anything but lots of love from your dc and maybe you if your mum.

Your 16 year old can't make it, your other kids are too young and your mother expects you to go to the effort for her but won't do the same for you. You live rural so can't get a takeaway delivered easily so would have to collect and don't really fancy one anyway.

You have options. Change your expectations and wait till they are older and can pitch in together. Get a babysitter and go out for a meal on your own or with your mum. Speak to your mum and say it would be nice to alternate mothers day at her home sometimes and she can do the cooking to give you a day off. Or make a roast but get it all preprepared so it's just a case of bunging it all in the oven.

Don't compare yourself to people that have partners, they might well buy or cook a meal as shown on social media but who's to say they are good husbands on partners throughout the year.

As others have said, if you can afford to order in then do. Other than that I’d have a picky tea, bits of things you like kind of a buffet in the table and everyone helps themselves. Keep it low hassle and get paper plates too. Minimum washing up, and something different. Im married and trust me there’s no dinner made for me in this house 😂 I’ll spend the day at various football matches with my kids while my husband is at work. I’ll be lucky if he remembers to pick up a card. When your on your own everything feels magnified, those showing off on social media are looking for likes I’d say. If you know that’s all you’re going to see then don’t go onto social media that day or the day before mute the friends that you know will make you feel rubbish.

For special occasions like Mother’s Day or my birthday I persuade everyone to go out for food or have a take away. Either way it saves me hassle, I don’t do all the cooking, partner is fab, he’s just not the cleanest cook. It would be cheaper ordering in than going out for food for all of you.

I can understand being underwhelmed but dreading it and hating it is a bit over dramatic imo.

There will always be someone who has it worse. This attitude teaches people to suppress and ignore their emotions. Guess what? Negative emotions don't disappear just because there is a malnourished starving Ethiopian orphan out there somewhere.

OP is trying to process and express her emotions in a healthy way so that they can be diffused and don't come out in an unhealthy way such as snapping at her own children or her mother as an example.

That is the real brain science behind what we call online ranting. Minimizing OP'S negative emotions discourages a healthy processing of negative emotions which is not helpful in the long run.

Perhaps consider that before pulling this totally outdated super typical boomer saying of "be grateful you have ANYTHING." 🙄

I’m a single parent. I can’t bring myself to give a shit about Mother’s Day. I do expect a card and that’s it.

Thanks for the suggestions. I’m not on social media!

Thanks for the suggestions. I’m not on social media!

Buy some bits for an afternoon tea the day before and one of those cardboard cake stands. The children will have fun making sandwiches and laying them and the cakes out for you.

It'll still be a bit of a surprise, and they'll enjoy doing it for you x

I'm cooking a roast for me, DM and my DC similar ages to yours on mother's day. I'm going to take myself and DC out for breakfast at harvester type place which will be my treat as everyone will not need lunch either much cheaper than dinner x

I'm a single mum, we don't do Mothering Sunday but if you fancy the day off, go out somewhere. They're aged 10 -16, they'll be fine alone.

And acknowledging what you have and being grateful for it is beneficial to your mental health. Three children and your own mum on Mother's Day? That counts as a bloody big win, and it doesn't hurt to remember that.

Absolutely. You can spend the rest of your life complaining about what you haven't got or you can be grateful for what you have got.

I’d like to point out that nowhere have I said I’m not grateful for what I have.

But you can be grateful and at the same time have other emotions. That’s part of being a mum.

Not being with my children on Mother’s Day isn’t quite what I was after, but thanks!

After reading this thread I think I’m going to change my Mother’s Day request. My adult children are planning on coming for the weekend and cooking an afternoon tea and a lunch over the weekend. I think I’d rather spend time with them and play board games and go for a walk, rather than them being busy in a differoom.