To dread Mother’s Day as a single parent?

[Mumsday]

Name changed for this as other posts are outing.

I’m a single parent to 3 dc aged 10 to 16. I HATE Mother’s Day because I just want to be spoilt a bit for the day but it never happens. My eldest is ND and isn’t really capable of cooking a roast without a lot of supervision (which would defeat the purpose for me) and the others are a bit young so would also require supervision.

We don’t really have the funds to go out as where we live it would end up costing around £100 for the four of us.

Then there is my mum, who also would like to spend the day with us and obviously I’m not going to ask her to cook.

Most years I just end up cooking a roast for us all, which I could just suck up again but it makes me feel so sad that it’s just another day of endless housework.

None of my friends are single and they all get lunch cooked for them by their husbands!

My dc will bring me a card etc in the morning so they do spoil me a bit. It’s just the meals really.

Any ideas of what we could do to give me a day off?

Afternoon tea for dinner? My kids ask for this sometimes.. We make sandwiches, sausage rolls, scones, little cakes and have tea. We set it out on cute little cake stands that are super cheap from home bargains. The food itself is cheap too and even your younger kids could help out making sandwiches etc. I get where you're coming from, I'm on my own with my kids too. Maybe if your budget allows you could give each of them a pound or two and set them a challenge to find the best or silliest present at Poundland or Home Bargains? Try to enjoy the day, spending time with your kids and doing what you love to do together. It might not be Instagram perfect but there's people out there who would give anything to be spending mothers day as a mum or would give anything to have one more mothers day with their own.

M&S do a really nice 'Toad in the hole', which is pretty good in place of roast dinner and cheaper than a meal out.

Also agree with Sj07. Just enjoy being with them!

Why the notion that roast dinners are complicated? Just bung it in the oven!

We have a roast every Sunday. Add in mashed potatoes and carrots. What is difficult?

I will enjoy being with them - I always do. We’ll probably play a board game or two and if it’s not taking go for a walk.

But we still have to eat. My point in the OP is not ‘what can we do on Mother’s Day?’ It’s ‘how can I feel like I have a day off all the cooking and clearing up?’

Raining, not taking!

Don't do a roast. Don't do any cleaning.

Why are you making a roast its not Christmas?

Order in,snack on whatever food you like etc.

Order in if you can @Mumsday. Without fail DH is always put on shift on mothers day and there’s no family nearby for me to visit. He’s announced he’s working Mother’s Day this year and hadn’t realised. I’m doing the easiest tea I can muster x

Clean the house the day before and get a takeaway

Send them instructions on what you expect from the day. "Breakfast in bed at 9am, start cooking roast 10am, etc. " Tell them to Google 'how to make a roast dinner' and cross your fingers that they do it well with little intervention. My parents never taught me to cook, I had to learn by myself.

Would you mum really not help? I know it's mothers day for her as well but surely she must see you are doing everything? I say that, although my mother has taken to just sitting in our house and being waited on even making comments the no one has offered her a drink yet whilst I rush round with a broom up my arse as I go.

Fucking hell. Why do you allow yourself to be treated like a skivvy by your lazy, selfish family?

Do you have a slow cooker? Because if so, the kids can help prep the day before, a casserole can have similar ingredients like a roast cooked in a type of gravy. Then in the day you can go for walk somewhere special while it cooks and you come home to lovely smells and you’ve not had to cook in the day. :)

I have been married over 20 years and have 3 kids( youngest 16) and mother's Day had never been a thing in our house. I maybe got cards when they were pre school but not since. Neither myself or DH free up with mother's Day being a thing so just not on our radar.
It would be good generally to be encouraging/ teaching your kids to cook so they have skills for when they leave home, but also means sometimes you get a break from the drudgery but don't suit there thinking everyone else is having some wonderful day laid on for them as most wont.

Single mum too. I can't be arsed with the faff. Go somewhere for a walk/cup of tea and sausage rolls. Tell them it's your day your choice

Don’t cook a roast, don’t do any housework, but yourself some flowers, throw something in the slow cooker sit back and chill 🤷‍♀️

My Mother's Day treat has always been coffee and toast in bed with cards and a bunch of daffodils.

DH helped initially but from about 8 years old onwards they could manage between them.

When they were mid teens they did some cleaning for me but that didn't last 😂😂.

Would any of that be an option for your DC?

I think you're exhausted & feeling sorry for yourself & as a result imagining that pretty much everyone everywhere is being treated / spoilt by their families.

You say you're not on SM but you are on MN & presumably also will compare to what people post here.

Is your children's father not on the scene at all to help them sort out a treat for you? Is your mum also alone?

I think you've conflated 2 things - 1 you'd like a break from the daily drudge & 2 you feel obligated to make a fuss of mothers day for your own mother but feel resentful because noones making anf fuss for you.

Can you separate out the 2 things?

Accept that on mothers day you make the focus doing something nice with your mum. Make it easy - shoving a chicken & some prepped veg into the oven isn't too taxing? Buy a cake for dessert & a bunch of flowers. Tell the dc they're washing up / cleaning up while you & your mum have a cup of tea.

And then make a plan however you can to have a day to yourself at another time. Maybe your mum could watch the kids or their father? And plan a day to just indulge yourself & have a rest. It's vital for your own wellbeing.

You will have to actively make it happen though

Op would your Mom not reciprocate and cook next week or Easter Sunday say?

OP if you want a day off from cooking and also want to spend time with dc and your mum, just make things easy for yourself and buy nice ready meal deal or make something quick to cook yet delicious - I vote for a tray bake where you cook it all in one dish - really delicious dinner and minimal prep and washing up (for dc) - there's loads of lovely recipes on BBC Good Food

I’m also a single parent and 100% get where you’re coming from, in fact that could have been me writing your post. And no you’re not BU.

I won’t be getting breakfast in bed due to eldest DD’s sporting activity requiring a 7am start and have got a shoulder of lamb in due to my parents inviting themselves for lunch. I love a roast dinner but this time it’ll be a family effort - the children can chop, peel, slice and beat up a batter and I will oversee with a nice glass of Malbec while I endure my mother.

I think you've conflated 2 things - 1 you'd like a break from the daily drudge & 2 you feel obligated to make a fuss of mothers day for your own mother but feel resentful because noones making anf fuss for you.

This is exactly it! Thank you for articulating it.

Maybe an afternoon tea like lunch your DC could help to prepare this and some items could be store bought. Not too expensive but lovely x

Breakfast - get your kids to do u cereal or toast. Lunch - prepare a sandwich platter the day before, so you just uncover it and get it out of the fridge. Tea - just bung in some pizza and chips. It can be made simpler, just sack off the roast and put your feet up. Your kids are old enough to entertain themselves, so be selfish for the day!