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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread Mother’s Day as a single parent?

210 replies

Mumsday · 12/03/2023 10:31

Name changed for this as other posts are outing.

I’m a single parent to 3 dc aged 10 to 16. I HATE Mother’s Day because I just want to be spoilt a bit for the day but it never happens. My eldest is ND and isn’t really capable of cooking a roast without a lot of supervision (which would defeat the purpose for me) and the others are a bit young so would also require supervision.

We don’t really have the funds to go out as where we live it would end up costing around £100 for the four of us.

Then there is my mum, who also would like to spend the day with us and obviously I’m not going to ask her to cook.

Most years I just end up cooking a roast for us all, which I could just suck up again but it makes me feel so sad that it’s just another day of endless housework.

None of my friends are single and they all get lunch cooked for them by their husbands!

My dc will bring me a card etc in the morning so they do spoil me a bit. It’s just the meals really.

Any ideas of what we could do to give me a day off?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumsday · 12/03/2023 12:20

gamerchick · 12/03/2023 10:41

You can get roast dinners delivered. You don't have to cook.

This would be great, but we live rurally and NO ONE delivers here so I’d have to go and get it.

We do have a small Waitrose but no M&S. I’ll see what Waitrose does.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumsday · 12/03/2023 12:21

WakeMeUpInspring · 12/03/2023 12:18

Take away. Easily sorted.

No one delivers here so I would have to go and get it. And I don’t really want a takeaway anyway to be honest.

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 12/03/2023 12:25

The kids can make ‘afternoon tea’ quite easily. Or just accept that cooking is still your job and get them to do all the cleaning for the day instead and have that bit as your ‘day off’. Embrace the cards they give you and be greatful for them, it means much more than being told to cook a meal.

StormInaDcup99 · 12/03/2023 12:26

OP I know how you feel as I always cook lunch for my mum (and my dad and my kids too) ....my brother (and his wife) who live quite close by never offer, which really annoys me as I find it v selfish.

I'm a single mum too ...widowed when kids were young.

Well......now my kids are older, for the first time we are going out for lunch and im stupidly excited not to have to cook for everyone else, and to be a bit spoilt. Like you, i could not have done this when kids were younger due to £.......so it does get easier but might be a few years!

Ladyofthesea · 12/03/2023 12:28

My friends and me don't get a day off on mothers day. Most of us cook an ordinary dinner. We do all get a little present like chocolates or a macaroni necklace. Although Ilike the idea of a takeaway so I pitched it to DH (mothersday is in may in my country).

Facebook isn't the real world. I have a friend with a bit of a lonely life but you wouldn't think it if you saw her facebook, every outing with family members, children or work outings gets documented.

QuillBill · 12/03/2023 12:29

If you really want a roast then simplify it by buying pre-prepared things. Like mashed potato or whatever. (I'm no expert as we never have one.)

Make it achievable as much as you can as it's important to you. Then set out to your children what your expectations are.

Whatever you do, don't expect them to guess what you want to happen.

WakeMeUpInspring · 12/03/2023 12:33

I hate cooking roasts. If you can't/won't get a takeaway, I'd cook something like a stew/casserole on the Saturday and just serve up on Sunday. I'm a single mum too and like making my life easy.

Unicornsparkle1000 · 12/03/2023 12:36

What can your kids cook, it doesn't have to be a roast, I no you said about your mum but if she does y like it tough. Could you say to your kids it's Mother's Day next Sunday and your in charge. Here's x£ go and buy some food you are going to cook get me a present and card. I think you be surprised by what your kids a capable with. What does it matter if your kids make you a roast or beans on toast the point is they have made it for you and that's all that matters

crackofdoom · 12/03/2023 12:39

As a single mum with a March birthday Mother's Day is a non event in our house. Having been gently prodded into organising presents and baking me a cake earlier in the month, you can see the horror on their faces at having to do the whole thing all over again a couple of weeks later 😱

SweetSakura · 12/03/2023 12:40

I was a single mum when mine were little. I would get them to help me plan how we would spend the day, and we would all bake a cake for me together, and pack a picnic and go to whatever park etc they had picked. It was a day for them really, I just let go of the idea I would be pampered.

With teens maybe it could be a bit different, but I think that idea of celebrating being a family is easier than expecting to be pampered. Maybe get ready meals or pizzas or something easy in. Have movie night at home with popcorn?

Could you book a day of leave in the week and spend it doing something you like doing? I would just sit and enjoy the peace then with coffee and a good book! But could be a walk somewhere nice or a trip to a cafe

LittleBrenda · 12/03/2023 12:40

I no you said about your mum but if she does y like it tough.

The OP also said she would prefer a roast too.

Sodullincomparison · 12/03/2023 12:41

We will get nice treat bags for our mums and DD will write a card for me.

DH will cook poached eggs for me as a treat but we don’t do anything more than this.

one year DH took DD and his DM out for lunch and I got the house alone in silence for four hours. Now that was a fabulous gift.

Unicornsparkle1000 · 12/03/2023 12:41

Also if your comparing yourself to others on social media do t, if you look at people I no one is a couple who look so in love on social media doing things together but it's not real the women drinks a bottle of wine a night to herself alone, while the husband plays on the Xbox with people he doesn't know and Ignores her, and there dd's. Another coupe I know, he gets her the best present jewellery, the best Chocs etc but she can't be left alone with her ds cos she can't look after him, she has to have her parents or dh there. It again on social media it looks like they have got it together and have and amazing life. None of it is true

Verylongtime · 12/03/2023 12:41

I think your expectations are off. Why do you need a roast? A roast isn’t a Mother’s Day thing. Mother’s Day is a home made card and a bunch of daffodils. Your kids can try cooking something simpler if you want them to cook. But I do understand how wearing it is to have to cook all the time.

adriftabroad · 12/03/2023 12:42

I completely ignore it.

It is bollocks.

When DD is earning, maybe she can bother then, but a thing from school when little and a cup of tea in bed now she is 14 is lovely.
That is it. What does being a lone parent have to do with it?

Augend23 · 12/03/2023 12:45

Is there anything your children Could cook? Be that a simpler pasta meal or whatever? Presumably it would be better to have a different meal than a roast you have to cook?

Original poster
Mumsday · 12/03/2023 12:50

Unicornsparkle1000 · 12/03/2023 12:41

Also if your comparing yourself to others on social media do t, if you look at people I no one is a couple who look so in love on social media doing things together but it's not real the women drinks a bottle of wine a night to herself alone, while the husband plays on the Xbox with people he doesn't know and Ignores her, and there dd's. Another coupe I know, he gets her the best present jewellery, the best Chocs etc but she can't be left alone with her ds cos she can't look after him, she has to have her parents or dh there. It again on social media it looks like they have got it together and have and amazing life. None of it is true

I don’t use social media so I’m not comparing myself to people on there, just in real life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumsday · 12/03/2023 12:51

LittleBrenda · 12/03/2023 12:40

I no you said about your mum but if she does y like it tough.

The OP also said she would prefer a roast too.

I would! To be honest, I would flipping LOVE it if someone either cooked me a roast or we could go out for one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumsday · 12/03/2023 12:53

Verylongtime · 12/03/2023 12:41

I think your expectations are off. Why do you need a roast? A roast isn’t a Mother’s Day thing. Mother’s Day is a home made card and a bunch of daffodils. Your kids can try cooking something simpler if you want them to cook. But I do understand how wearing it is to have to cook all the time.

I think you’re right.

This thread has helped me work out that the problem is more that I feel the need to do something for my own mum so I then resent not doing what I want. It’s a tricky relationship.

OP posts:
NevieSticks · 12/03/2023 12:55

Husbands cook dinner for their wives on Mother's Day? I have never heard of this and haven't had that in 31 years of marriage.

SBHon · 12/03/2023 12:58

You seem really stuck on the idea of a roast.
As such: make a two part plan:

  1. Have actual Mother’s Day just you and the kids, not your mum. Maybe get a ready meal roast as PP suggested.
  2. Then the weekend after ask someone to look after the kids and you celebrate nicely with your mum - go out for a roast just the two of you to keep costs down. (It also has the added benefit of the pub/restaurant will be far less busy!)
LittleBrenda · 12/03/2023 13:05

Could they do a tray bake roast?

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/honey-mustard-chicken-thighs-spring-veg

SleepingStandingUp · 12/03/2023 13:08

Would your Mom never have you over for lunch on a weekend day op? Could you set it up as a new tradition to do once a month . You have her over one fortnight and she has you guys over once a month say, the visitor brings pud?

And work with the kids on being able to make a dinner you can all eat - freezer food that literally needs putting in a freezer, baked potatoes, beans in toast etc so they can do that on your birthday, mothers day, when you need a hand etc.

Also what about bfast? I think most kids start with that for MD etc. Toast, cereal, juice if they can't be trusted with a kettle. Make it clear you're having a lie in so they cna come in and out to you but you're having a rest.

Mumof1andacat · 12/03/2023 13:08

I'm not a single parent (married) I have never gone out for a meal on mother's day. I get some flowers and chocolates and that's ok for me.

jays · 12/03/2023 13:12

I used to just make a flask of tea up and a bit of toast and my son bring it in to me on Mother’s Day then we’d have a movie in the morning that I was allowed to pick (I always picked one he’d like) and it was lovely. In the evening he’d help me with the dishes. I’d meet my mum with ds for a coffee early afternoon and that was that. I know t sounds daft and probably annoying but I coped hit just thinking how lovely it was to be and have a mum on Mother’s Day and it’s made me happy thinking that way. Last year was my first year without my mum and the first that ds also moved out for university as that was hard but I saw him for a coffee and got a lovely bunch of flowers. Anyway the point I’m trying to make is that it helped me to focus on what I did have and was getting and let go of what wasn’t possible and that made it nicer! X