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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread Mother’s Day as a single parent?

210 replies

Mumsday · 12/03/2023 10:31

Name changed for this as other posts are outing.

I’m a single parent to 3 dc aged 10 to 16. I HATE Mother’s Day because I just want to be spoilt a bit for the day but it never happens. My eldest is ND and isn’t really capable of cooking a roast without a lot of supervision (which would defeat the purpose for me) and the others are a bit young so would also require supervision.

We don’t really have the funds to go out as where we live it would end up costing around £100 for the four of us.

Then there is my mum, who also would like to spend the day with us and obviously I’m not going to ask her to cook.

Most years I just end up cooking a roast for us all, which I could just suck up again but it makes me feel so sad that it’s just another day of endless housework.

None of my friends are single and they all get lunch cooked for them by their husbands!

My dc will bring me a card etc in the morning so they do spoil me a bit. It’s just the meals really.

Any ideas of what we could do to give me a day off?

OP posts:
NatashaDancing · 12/03/2023 15:41

Redebs · 12/03/2023 10:38

I have never felt any enthusiasm for Mothers' Day for myself. A card is nice, but I don't expect special treatment for a commercially created non event.

I did used to like to send nice things to my own mum, but she died last year and I'm still not over it.

Agreed. My mother, my mother -in- law and I all agreed it was just marketing nonsense and ignored it.

FabFitFifties · 12/03/2023 15:43

It's just a card in this house - as is father's day. Do the families without another adult, not have wider family who help the children to get something? I used to sly a christmas present under my sister's tree off her dogs 😂

chocaholic73 · 12/03/2023 15:48

When did Mother's Day become such a focus for high expectations, commercial exploitation and fear of missing out. Mothering Sunday is indeed a very old tradition when girls in service would be given the day off to go home to visit their mothers (I very much doubt they were taking them anywhere for lunch though!). Growing up in the sixties, I would make my Mum a card and get her a small present - bunch of daffodils or box of chocolates. That is the level we have continued to mark the day at. My DDs have always given me cards and a small token present. I have never been out for lunch or anything like that. No idea what happens in my friends' families, I've never asked.

Sparkleshine21 · 12/03/2023 15:51

I’m also a single parent, I would chuck something in the slow cooker in the morning and spend the day relaxing with a book and a box of chocs!

BettyOBarley · 12/03/2023 15:52

Definitely don't feel like you have to do a roast!
The kids could do a nice afternoon tea for you and your mum with sandwiches, cakes etc maybe?

I hate mother's day too for what it's worth.
Mainly as both my mum and MIL live locally but don't offer any help whatsoever with the kids (fine, their choice) so life can be hard work and I'd like to spend MD relaxing a bit, you'd think they'd understand this, but they both expect to come over, sit on their arses and not lift a finger, not even offer to make me a cup of tea while I make their dinner. Plus they don't get on either so it's really awkward and hard work for me.
So this year I'm not doing it!
I'm going to visit my mum with cake for an hour ...and she can make me a cup of tea! 🤣

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 12/03/2023 15:52

I think your expectations are to high and your believing what your seeing on social media. I'm a single mum and I get cards and gifts but apart from that it's just an ordinary day which I believe is the case for most people single or not

MolkosTeenageAngst · 12/03/2023 15:53

Do you not have any chain pubs or restaurants selling a Sunday lunch nearby? Wetherspoons? Greene King? Toby Carvery? Harvester? Beefeater? You definitely wouldn’t be spending £100, Wetherspoons roast is under £10 pp including a drink. Might be worth a drive if a roast dinner is a Mother’s Day dealbreaker for you.

GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou · 12/03/2023 15:58

You say you're not on social media, OP, but Mumsnet is social media too.

Your expectations are too high for Mother's Day. A card, a bunch of daffs and tea/coffee in bed (and maybe breakfast of cold toast) is much more the norm in my experience.

As they get older and more competent you may get a higher level of stuff (DS1 bought me a book last year) but it's generally a token to show they appreciate me.

Mirabai · 12/03/2023 16:02

Roasts are over-rated. Have a nice tea with cake and hot cross buns and flowers.

elisimo · 12/03/2023 16:06

Hi there
I am in the same situation. I cook the day before ( or even two days) something that nicely just goes in the oven - minimal work on the day. I like going out with the children for a walk or sightseeing- sometimes it is even just sandwiches!

kritigirl · 12/03/2023 16:06

I hear you OP. its just hard sometimes and it feels like everyone has what you would like. Have you rhought about Sunday lunch in a chain.pub like Wethetdpoons? They aren't normally expensive? I.know you live rural so might not be easy. My mum was a single mum.and we always went out on motherd day for similar reasons to you. Or like others have said what about a picnic or even an afternoon tea at home? Hope you have a lovely day x

Mirabai · 12/03/2023 16:09

Mother’s Day is not a “commercial” idea it goes back to medieval times!

It was the 4th Sunday during Lent when you visited the “mother” church where you were christened and your birth mother. This meant going back to your childhood home and servants would get the day off to visit their families.

ReadersD1gest · 12/03/2023 16:26

Mirabai · 12/03/2023 16:09

Mother’s Day is not a “commercial” idea it goes back to medieval times!

It was the 4th Sunday during Lent when you visited the “mother” church where you were christened and your birth mother. This meant going back to your childhood home and servants would get the day off to visit their families.

Well, yes, it was exactly this before Hallmark sniffed out another opportunity to fleece people.

NatashaDancing · 12/03/2023 16:29

Mirabai · 12/03/2023 16:09

Mother’s Day is not a “commercial” idea it goes back to medieval times!

It was the 4th Sunday during Lent when you visited the “mother” church where you were christened and your birth mother. This meant going back to your childhood home and servants would get the day off to visit their families.

And that's relevant now?

PinkSyCo · 12/03/2023 16:35

I agree with others that your expectations are too high. I’m a single mum and used to concentrate on making MY mum happy on Mother’s Day. She died 3 years ago, and although my kids are now old enough to treat me I’d much rather have my mum back to spoil.

CDiamond · 12/03/2023 16:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Dis626 · 12/03/2023 16:42

YANBU I'm a lone parent (with no family) and I absolutely hate mother's day.

Original poster
Mumsday · 12/03/2023 16:45

QuestioningFeminism · 12/03/2023 15:31

Our mother actually takes my sister or as she is a single mother. My sister tried to object but mother says all her babies are grown and sister is the one doing the hard work so it's justified.

I think it's sweet and she deserves it as all mothers deserve a little treat on this day. So if you don't have that kind of support I think I completely understand where you are coming from.

I do think you might need a paradigm shift in how you go about mothers day though. A roast seems a bit too ambitious. Why not take them to a cafe, picnic, make French toast, pancakes, or order something easy out?

I know it's not the pampering you hope for but sometimes it's good to reevaluate especially if a day that's supposed to be low stress is becoming stressful for you.

You’ve hit the nail on the head, thank you.

OP posts:
salutsandy · 12/03/2023 16:47

YANBU. Sod the roast, get fish and chips and take it easy.

GreatGardenstuff · 12/03/2023 16:48

A card and a cup of coffee and a slice of toast in bed is enough for me. Then we’ll try and get out and do something all together. I’m more about the quality family time than the food or gifts. I have asked for slippers this year, as mine have a hole in.

dooneyousmugelf · 12/03/2023 17:06

For me Mother's Day is more focused towards my mother. Sometimes someone will sort a card/present for me on behalf of the kids but until they are earning and adults themselves then it isn't really 'my' day really.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 12/03/2023 17:09

Just have your mum round and get a takeaway. Why on earth would you cook a roast?

CDiamond · 12/03/2023 17:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Bree82 · 12/03/2023 17:16

How about focus on doing things together and building memories that way? If they can’t manage a roast then something they can -
maybe prep something together before Mother’s Day (like a shepherds pie) then just bung it on the oven on the day.
do an activity together that everyone can do equally?
maybe find somewhere nice to walk or picnic , somewhere you don’t usually go and then it can become a Mother’s Day tradition going to a special place?

Bluebellsparklypant · 12/03/2023 17:21

Sorry you feel this way op,

have a lazy day oven meal? Jacket potato’s? cream tea, sandwiches, cake? Whatever makes it easy. I have been with my DP for 27 years and he has never cooked me a meal for mother days it is just a big standard day for the family