Guests who never like to join in party games

[SebHH]

We often gather in the same group for family birthdays/occasions- my husband and me, our 3 fairly grown up children, my mother, my MIL and my SIL. I grew up in a game playing family and always enjoy a game on these occasions; my husband didn’t and probably wouldn’t choose to play a game/certainly wouldn’t initiate one but will join in (maybe with an eye roll) if I suggest one. The difficulty is that my MIL and SIL always opt out- it feels more than their not enjoying these things, I think they worry about looking silly etc…They’ll sit and watch and are generally good humoured but it changes the vibe/makes me feel uncomfortable. It almost makes my feel a bit mean suggesting a game now.
My dilemma is… should I not suggest games on these occasions? Or should I go ahead if most of us have fun. A couple of things to add… these occasions are, for the most part, hosted by us- I wouldn’t suggest a game/steer the evening if I were a guest/someone else were hosting. Also the games maybe take half an hour in the course of a whole evening, so for the most part we’re eating/chatting etc
Any views welcome!

I'd dread this op and I'm very outgoing.

I also love party games but wouldn't let my guests feel uncomfortable. Just do them on nights with just your family.

It's ok for you to suggest a game and it's ok for them to opt out. Carry on as you are but try to accept that they don't want to join in with them.

DH loathes party games of any type and will just not join in anything. If we have a family get toegther, which is very rare as we all live so far apart from each other, we just leave him out.

He doen't mind because he just doesn't enjoy it.

Organised fun is awful.

It sounds like more than half the adults don’t really want to do this. I’d try something else - you want your guests to enjoy themselves, I presume.

Sounds bloody awful op, sorry.

There are "games" and there are "games".

Suggesting playing Monopoly or Scrabble is one thing. Expecting people to take part willingly in dancing games, or musical statues/chairs or other "silly" games is awful. I wouldn't like that either and i'm not your standard MN introvert.

Maybe they like watching but don't want to take part?

Don't overthink it.

I hate organised fun too. I'm a teacher and it stinks of a work activity. I'd not be bothered about other people playing. I do object to being labelled as boring for not joining in though.

My idea of a nightmare! I'd opt out also.

I agree with KnittingNeedles. I like a good board game or card game. ‘Party games’ sound potentially a bit silly. So I guess it depends on the game really.

It really depends on what games I think. A traditional board game is fine but less structured games where we all have to think of 5 famous people, put them in a hat and then do impression of one for our team is awful

Why not ask them what they would prefer?

Some people hate playing but like watching, others hate the whole thing. Why not drop it into conversation on a different occasion to find our their preference?

Leave them alone. They don't have to make themselves feel uncomfortable to make you feel better about your idea of fun.

What kinds of games @SebHH ?

I agree with others, I enjoy Dobbke ir Clyedo, but even those I only suggest when I know those present will also enjoy. Christmas Day with my actual family for example.

Passing an orange under the chin? No thanks, not ever. And I am pretty outgoing.

This would be hell for me.

If the host forces me then I usually suggest teaming up with someone just to keep the peace.

My friend used to do this. In the end I just stopped going. I want to spend my free time enjoying myself and relaxing. Not pushy footing around a needy host who likes it her way.

Pussy footing**

I don't mind playing some of the less ott ones occasionally but I would grow to dread visiting someone who "always" makes us play party games. Why do you need to play them every time? You appear to be alienating quite a high proportion of your guests.

I hate party games too. I could probably tolerate a board or card game, especially if they are children who enjoy those. But that's about it.

What kind of games? 😬

Monopoly, Cluedo, card games, great – but should still be opt-in for those that want. Wacky physical games or cringe quizzes that take over the entire gathering, awful.

Can't you just play the games when you're hosting people you know actually enjoy them, instead of all the time?

As the host, it's your job to keep your guests comfortable and IMO, that includes reading the room and not forcing them into playing games they clearly don't enjoy.

I married into a game playing family 🤨

Stop suggesting it and see what happens - maybe people will just enjoy talking to each other ?

Mainly I endured it, sometimes it was fun, it certainly has never inspired me to suggest "games" at anything I've ever hosted.

It sounds like they enjoy watching the games. Ask them directly rather than stopping the games because it makes you uncomfortable because they don’t participate.

If they say they enjoy watching them then happy days, continue as you are doing and shift your mind set from “if they’re not participating they can’t be happy”.

If they say they don’t watching enjoy them then have a think about when you do them or give them fair warning before they arrive do they know what to expect and can choose not to come if necessary.

I also grew up in a non game playing family and dread these kinds of occasions. Fine to play games but not to force everyone to join or make them feel bad if they don't. Everyone can 'join' by watching, adding to the atmosphere, without having to 'perform'. I'd hate to do anything that made some guests have an awful time, wouldn't you?