Guests who never like to join in party games

[SebHH]

We often gather in the same group for family birthdays/occasions- my husband and me, our 3 fairly grown up children, my mother, my MIL and my SIL. I grew up in a game playing family and always enjoy a game on these occasions; my husband didn’t and probably wouldn’t choose to play a game/certainly wouldn’t initiate one but will join in (maybe with an eye roll) if I suggest one. The difficulty is that my MIL and SIL always opt out- it feels more than their not enjoying these things, I think they worry about looking silly etc…They’ll sit and watch and are generally good humoured but it changes the vibe/makes me feel uncomfortable. It almost makes my feel a bit mean suggesting a game now.
My dilemma is… should I not suggest games on these occasions? Or should I go ahead if most of us have fun. A couple of things to add… these occasions are, for the most part, hosted by us- I wouldn’t suggest a game/steer the evening if I were a guest/someone else were hosting. Also the games maybe take half an hour in the course of a whole evening, so for the most part we’re eating/chatting etc
Any views welcome!

This sounds like my idea of hell, sorry.

I don't think this is true at all. Even reading the comments here, loads of people play games, it seems pretty 50/50.

Party games at children's parties are fun and appropriate. Adult party games for a teenager and adults - sorry I side with your in-laws - absolutely cringe-worthy and ghastly. I hate faux jollity like this.

Yes, this. If lots of people genuinely like it then keep playing them, and / or if the birthday person would like to then sure, definitely. But never pressure people to join in, or joke about it, or imply they hate you doing it or anything that singles them out for not joining in.

Since it’s your in laws, could your DH find out if they’d rather games weren’t played, or if they’re happy for them to go on as long as they don’t have to do it?

Games are fine so long as participation is optional and no-one is made to feel pressed to join in or feel judged as a 'party pooper' if they don't.

I wouldn't do it either (and since when has 'privilege' been a verb?) but since your main objection seems to be that the people who politely stand their ground and refuse to do something they don't want to are making you uncomfortable, maybe just dump the whole idea and come up with something that everybody can agree on?

I find it unusual that a 16 year old wants to play party games with adults! 16 is generally such an awkward age !

As an aside, a friend of a friend has family dinners where singing is mandatory. They all have to sing a variety of traditional songs and for some of the songs (horror of horrors) go round the room with everyone being made to sing a line each.

I'm pretty outgoing and quite like a party game but that would absolutely kill me. All eyes on you while you have to warble "your" line. No.

Exactly this.

This whole thread is giving me PTSD flashbacks to a terrible wedding where the entire reception was forced fun sports day-style games. I quite happily had a glass of wine on the sidelines, cheering everyone on while making friends with similarly minded guests who would have rather died than join in, but ex-boyfriend wouldn’t have it and had a full-tilt barney that I wouldn’t put on a fucking sumo costume and do wrestling with him, with an audience. Nothing to stop him doing it with anyone else, mind you: but like OP not enjoying her in-laws just watching, he felt I was ruining the vibe. Personally I think making your guests perform when they don’t want to ruins the vibe! Do MIL/SIL drink heavily during these gatherings, OP?

The games you've mentioned playing are ones with a "performance" element to them, which is the sort of thing that makes some people feel uncomfortable.

I'd feel uncomfortable at being forced to perform.

They are being nice and sitting politely whilst you play. They aren't causing a scene. You are uncomfortable what they don't join in, but they are uncomfortable about the idea of joining in.

If I knew my in-laws we going to force me to do "just a minute" everyone I went over I would be visiting a lot less as the very idea makes me feel anxious.

@SocksAndTheCity

I wouldn't do it either (and since when has 'privilege' been a verb?)

Yeah. The etymologist in me pushes the glasses up the nose and observes that English is always happy to turn a noun into a verb. Almost eager to, actually. And that's one of the reasons that English is so expressive and useful.

The pedant in me clutches at the empty air and falls limply back into an armchair, bleating for smelling salts.

It's not easy, caring about language.

Got to remember this for the next ‘what makes someone middle class’ threads, playing party games as a family is definitely a middle class thing imo.

I really hate this kind of game, but I'll generally join in for one or two rounds, then sit out.

I don't think people should be pressured to join in, it should be optional.

This they are not ruining for you just prefer to sit and watch

There’s nothing worse than feeling forced into participating in someone else’s idea of fun. This would be my worst nightmare at a party but not because I dislike games but I find them so bothering & organised fun generally ends up being the opposite

My heart rate has increased with anxiety just reading this 😂

I’m wondering if you’re my SIL. (You’re not - because I always go and sit in another room to watch TV with my Mum and DH once everyone else starts playing a game which irritates SIL!) I don’t mind quizzes but I really don’t enjoy playing board or card games.

If your Mum and SIL are happy to watch everyone else playing, I don’t see that there is a problem. You just have to accept that not everybody enjoys doing the same things.

Cards against humanity?

My extended (English) family play games far too competitively and it’s no fun at all.

However, when I’m with my Irish family, they play games too but it’s a completely different vibe and fucking hilarious. Even my uptight DH looks forward to an evening with them and getting the games going.

Also, you’d be very wrong if you’re assuming it’s down to alcohol loosening everyone’s inhibitions. Only one member of the Irish family drinks alcohol and most of the English folk enjoy a drink or three. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My problem today is that it’s my sons b’day (16)- he had a friends party yesterday and we’re having a family dinner tonight; he’s asked for us to play a game… should I privilege him or them?

you don't have to "privilege" anyone. Those who want to play a game play a game, those who are happy to watch just watch. It's quite straightforward.

nothing worse than forced fun!

I can't stand Just A Minute when the "professionals" do it on the radio. I can only imagine how excruciating it would be to listen to family members hesitating, repeating and deviating all over the place.

No. Much, much worse.

I hate board games and card games. Nightmare.

With my friends we often play board games but something like that sounds dreadful. What is even more dreadful is the lack of understanding that some people are perfectly happy sitting on the sideline watching.
Play games if you want but don’t force others to join in.