Guests who never like to join in party games

[SebHH]

We often gather in the same group for family birthdays/occasions- my husband and me, our 3 fairly grown up children, my mother, my MIL and my SIL. I grew up in a game playing family and always enjoy a game on these occasions; my husband didn’t and probably wouldn’t choose to play a game/certainly wouldn’t initiate one but will join in (maybe with an eye roll) if I suggest one. The difficulty is that my MIL and SIL always opt out- it feels more than their not enjoying these things, I think they worry about looking silly etc…They’ll sit and watch and are generally good humoured but it changes the vibe/makes me feel uncomfortable. It almost makes my feel a bit mean suggesting a game now.
My dilemma is… should I not suggest games on these occasions? Or should I go ahead if most of us have fun. A couple of things to add… these occasions are, for the most part, hosted by us- I wouldn’t suggest a game/steer the evening if I were a guest/someone else were hosting. Also the games maybe take half an hour in the course of a whole evening, so for the most part we’re eating/chatting etc
Any views welcome!

She said they are ‘generally good humoured’ about it.

Except the OP seems to think that her in law's do

P.S. your son's birthday just say ...... wanted us to play a game together to celebrate his birthday, that is one where plaster a smile on your face and join in

I would hate it. Prefer a quiz or crossword as they dont involve getting up and acting like a twat.

Check it out with them ahead of getting together. Eg rolette, horse racing, dog racing? Play with jelly beans so it's not real £ and have prizes for winner,second and third place.

If they really don't want to play a game, gat suggestions from them about what to do post dinner. Appreciate your the host but take yoyr guests views into account and if they don't want to that is fine.

You could also organise teams to play games so they are in a team of two and can be as passive as they like, so put them each with a strong player.

@FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks it doesn't take much imagination to see why someone who already dreads just going out in the first place might feel uncomfortable when put on the spot to play some games like op describes.

Forced fun ocassions have me ill with anxiety for weeks before the event. There is just honestly nothing I hate more and the dread ruins a special day. One of my dc is same as me but feels they are an outcast if they say so and end up stressed out too. It can be solved though!

Recently one way I've enjoyed mixed groups is letting the games group carry on and making sure they realise the chatting group are going to do cheese and biscuits and chat in different area. Try a mini fondue set or similar, gives non game enjoyers something to do.

I don't mind board games. Karaoke, sharades, just a minute type games absolute hell on earth. I love going to events, I consider myself on the extrovert side of socialising, but I hate something where I am the centre of attention. Some people are 'ooo look at me I'm so clever and witty' some people aren't. My husband is a lovely man. He is on the spectrum. My family are good at words, at jokes, stories, quick witted stuff. He can't do things like that. His brain is wired diffently and thats fantastic. He is comfortable to listen and laugh but no one would ever,ever, put him on the spot of trying to do the same. I would freeze and die a thousand deaths if I was expected to come up with a clever dance spontaneously in one of those dancing circle horrors. We are all different. Let them enjoy in their own way and don't imply they are boring or dull or sad because they aren't like you. We are all different.

I don't mind a board game or two but but I'd be horrified at having to play those type of games. Despite having listened to and adored just a minute for years, the ability to play it hasn't rubbed off on me!

Just forget about the games, why pursue it if you know half the gatheringnfind it cringeworthy and uncomfortable? Save it for a group you know enjoy it.

Let them in peace. I hate party games but enjoy card or selected board games.

If a person would constantly budgering me to take part than I would stop coming and also saying why.

If your DH's family is not keen on it, then you putting it into their faces at every opportunity won't change it.

I absolutely loathe and dread them too

I've got to agree. If they clearly don't enjoy it, why do you continue to force the issue? It's obviously just not their thing. Why is it such an important part of a family gathering for you?

These aren't 'games' these are incredibly unimaginative 'team building' ice breakers that are always the worst part of any workplace training event!!

I would opt out every time ….hate anything like that

It's not just that people either like games or don't - the sort of games you're playing involve a lot of personal participation instead of just game play. I can't explain it very well, I think in the spotlight as PP said.

I would hate those sorts of games but absolutely love Yahtzee, quiz type games, board games. You could perhaps ask guests what they'd like to do. But on your son's birthday just go with his wishes.

Wow so many PP hate games! My family absolutely love them and we have the best most hilarious times together when all ages join in: charades, what’s my name, cards, board games. Everyone just laughs when it all goes wrong (most of the time) - if it’s family surely it’s not important how good you are, more making bonds together doing something everyone joins in with.

Fine if anyone doesn't want to - they can suggest something else. Some of us find it draining to chat for hours in end and get bored! So ‘s birthday should be his choice and when it’s MIL or SIL’s it’s whatever they love to do.

Your poor inlaws. I feel so sorry for them.

For goodness sake op stop inflicting this on unwilling participants (painful) or spectators (painful and boring).

I think you're over thinking it. Just crack on with celebrating your son's 16th in whatever way he wants. If they don't want to join in with the games, that's fine. They're good humoured about it so why is it bothering you so much?

I don't see your problem op? You guys enjoy a game but they don't, however they are happy to sit and watch you all have fun! I absolutely detest forced fun but im happy for others to enjoy it as long as they don't try and pressure me into it! The people who do this are the same kinds of people who try and force others to dance at parties and can't seem to accept it when someone isn't drinking alcohol!

There's a massive difference between one of these sort of 'spotlight' games, and a board/card game. The latter I will do, the former I won't.

Neither of you are unreasonable as long as, as you say, they are good humoured about it.

he’s asked for us to play a game… should I privilege him or them?

How would 'privileging' him look? Asking them to leave the room/party if they won't be forced to play? Telling them they can't come if they don't engage with his wishes?

Do the games, it’s your son’s birthday request. Let them opt out, it shouldn’t be mandatory. The issue here isn’t them watching (which is a form of joining – they could choose to go into another room or ask that no one plays or not show up), it’s you being uncomfortable that not everyone shares your idea of fun. Put that aside for your son’s birthday! And forever, ideally.

I loathe party games. Always feels like forced fun.

Let the people who don’t want to play, opt out. What’s the issue?

People who love games always seem to be on a mission to convert anyone who doesn’t like them.

I can enjoy games at times but only when everyone wants to play them not 'people are only playing them because they feel obliged too'

If people can't honestly enjoy them how is 'forcing' people fun for anyone?