Guests who never like to join in party games

[SebHH]

We often gather in the same group for family birthdays/occasions- my husband and me, our 3 fairly grown up children, my mother, my MIL and my SIL. I grew up in a game playing family and always enjoy a game on these occasions; my husband didn’t and probably wouldn’t choose to play a game/certainly wouldn’t initiate one but will join in (maybe with an eye roll) if I suggest one. The difficulty is that my MIL and SIL always opt out- it feels more than their not enjoying these things, I think they worry about looking silly etc…They’ll sit and watch and are generally good humoured but it changes the vibe/makes me feel uncomfortable. It almost makes my feel a bit mean suggesting a game now.
My dilemma is… should I not suggest games on these occasions? Or should I go ahead if most of us have fun. A couple of things to add… these occasions are, for the most part, hosted by us- I wouldn’t suggest a game/steer the evening if I were a guest/someone else were hosting. Also the games maybe take half an hour in the course of a whole evening, so for the most part we’re eating/chatting etc
Any views welcome!

'One truth, two lies' could include the statement 'Playing these games is an activity that I thoroughly enjoy' . Truth or lie?

Who Am I is fine, I quite like that but I don’t like the sound of Two Lies One Truth (especially if it’s something you have to make up on the spot). Can’t stand charades or anything where I have to sing, hum or dance. I like quizzes though. Basically any game where you’re ‘performing’ I won’t do.

I'm going to assume that 'pushy footing' was a typo. But it's brilliant. I shall be using it a lot...

pushyfooting.... Forcing people to do things by appearing to be very concerned that they might not want to, are you sure, it's not that big a deal, you sure you're sure, well, good, so much nicer if everyone joins in, thank you, Auntie Myrtle says she'll play everyone, she's a bit reluctant but she doesn't want to be a killjoy, so go easy on her, eh?

Definitely prioritise your DS tonight but allow others to opt out. As a pp said- they are not leaving the room or huffing in disgust- observing is still participating.

Enforced fun is my idea of hell.

I don’t like participating personally but I love to watch!

Bit creepy of me really 🤣

I love a daft game but would never involve people who find them tiresome. Read the room OP, they dont feel comfortable.
How about cards? Casino games, Bridge, Darts or dominoes as alternatives?

I can't imagine my 16yr old DS enjoying games at his parry, he would even think karaoke was naff.

I guess you could try "are you there moriarty" as they seem to like beating the hell out of each other.

I agree completely.

OP you are the only one making this an issue. They might not like the games but they are watching and seem happy enough from what you say. Don’t make them perform for you.

I’d find this an absolute nightmare and I would dread every visit if I thought I’d have to play “games”

If it really only takes half an hour they are getting off lightly. My in laws play board games that go on for f-ing hours. I feel like I need to join in or I'm odd one out again for the night. I see the appeal but I would much rather not.
But then that's part of joining another family - you comprimse on what films are watched or where you go for lunch or whatever in a way you probably wouldn't need to with friends.
That said, your son's birthday is a bit different but overall
why not save the games for when just your mum comes round rather than when 2 out of 3 guests don't want to play?

I think it’s pretty poor hosting if you invite people around and ask them to be uncomfortable over and over again. The only ones who enjoy the game is you and your kids, so just play games at other times.

Love that @WalkingOnTheCracks!
'Oh such a shame we can't play x/y/z at Timmy's party, I know everyone was sooo looking forward to playing these fun games, but there's just not enough of us wanting to join in so we can.. oh well, are you sure Jemima that you really really don't? Promise you'll have lots of fun, we'll all go easy on you' tinkly laugh...

My DSis does this and I absolutely hate it. There are five of them plus my parents and I'm the only one who doesn't want to join. I just find board games incredibly boring and drag on forever. I end up getting resentful and feel bullied. When I say no, DSis gets in a foul mood and refuses to let anyone else play who wants to, so I feel obliged to join in. Even a family trip to the pub results in a pack of cards or something being pulled out of her bag.

You do you, as they say, OP. Play the games but don't force others to join in. Then everyone is happy and relaxed.

I absolutely hate these kind of games, they honestly make me feel really uncomfortable, even with my own children. It's like role play at work, I just feel really awkward and uncomfortable.

However that's the joining in. For me, I have absolutely no issue watching. For example I'd rather pull my own nails out than do karaoke but don't have any issues with anyone else doing it. It's the 'performance' aspect of it and everyone looking at me that puts me off.

Personally I'd be annoyed if someone was getting annoyed that I wasnt joining in, or feeling weird about it. If I'm fine watching, and they're fine being watched, why do they need me to actively participate? Why does their awkwardness at me not joining in, trump my awkwardness at actually joining in?

Anyways OP they watch with good humour but dont want to join in...I dont get why you wouldn't do it for your sons birthday. There are plenty of things that people enjoy watching without wanting to participate in and that doesn't cause awkwardness in general. Just carry on as you were, it seems to work for everyone and it's not all evening anyway

Sounds awful. I honestly didn’t know families played party games like that. As you know your guests don’t like it, why on earth do you insist on doing it.

I don't see the issue. They don't play the games but they don't moan about them, don't sit there with a face on, and don't ask the rest of you not to play the games. So just carry on the status quo - play a few games if others want to but don't let it take up the whole evening.

Surely you don't all do exactly the same thing whenever you're together -e.g Christmas some people might like to go for a walk/to church and others don't. Some have a drink some don't. Some eat meat others have the Veggie option. Live and let live, there doesn't have to be a full consensus about everything!

People moaning about organised fun are being very rude - games sell in their millions so they are clearly very popular! Obviously you don't have to like them but OP hasn't called her mil or sil boring or miserable for not playing so it's unnecessary to jump straight to insulting her and her family for liking a very normal activity

What sort of games?! I think most people don't mind a game of cards or something but anything like charades, dancing or something that I'd consider silly would make me feel very uncomfortable.

We are a family that loves games at get togethers. I’m talking about board games - Articulate, Linkee, Pictionary etc.

I have 2 brothers in law who just never join in and that’s fine. They’re quite happy to chat in another room.

Party games - just no!! Awful, embarrassing and childish. I would always opt out in these circumstances and watch from the sidelines if absolutely necessary.

What do you mean by games ?!

I find bored games, well , boring games. Then I don’t have any competitive streak. I’m not into any sports either - watching or participating
I will never not join in - I have family members who love a good game at gathering and even at mine, I’ll ask them to bring along a board game type thing. I join in but do my level best to discreetly “loose” as soon as possible. Then I can just sit back tune out boring bits, and listen to the good banter when it happens. If at mine I’ll potter off to get food etc

I do like a quiz though - so any board game involving general knowledge is good and I’ll enjoy that

as for party games - charades ok, others not.

im an introvert but have in 60 years taught myself to enjoy company in limited doses , not sure if it effects my complete disinterest in boring board games

We play absolutely tons of board and card games when we get together as a family but would hate those performance games you play. Not a chance you’d get me joining in those you’ve exampled.

It really does depend on the game. Swing The Bollock, or Just A Minute are very "Marmite " games, people either love them or loathe them. Most people might quietly join in with a quiz or big crossword.

If playing games at the party means a lot to your son, it might be an idea to have a word with the people who hate playing, and let them know how much it means to him. People can force themselves out of their comfort zones to make other people happy, sometimes.

@WalkingOnTheCracks 😂 exactly this

I think the games you've mentioned are fine, no one is being asked to make a fool of themselves. If a few people don't want to play, they can sit out. As it's DS's birthday party , he should get to choose.
Have the non- players ever said why they don't want to play? Is it to do with not understanding the rules, or not being able to hear properly? Or not being up on popular culture?
We do play the games you've mentioned ,as a family spanning 3 generations, and I've had to brief the teens to make sure any references are ones that grandma will get.

"privilege"? You are being absolutely ridiculous.

Your OP has three people out of the eight who don't like playing games. One will join in anyway, the others choose not to but remain good humoured about it. So those who want to play join in, those who don't carry on either spectating or something else.

Mandatory and prescribed "fun" very rarely is.