Guests who never like to join in party games

[SebHH]

We often gather in the same group for family birthdays/occasions- my husband and me, our 3 fairly grown up children, my mother, my MIL and my SIL. I grew up in a game playing family and always enjoy a game on these occasions; my husband didn’t and probably wouldn’t choose to play a game/certainly wouldn’t initiate one but will join in (maybe with an eye roll) if I suggest one. The difficulty is that my MIL and SIL always opt out- it feels more than their not enjoying these things, I think they worry about looking silly etc…They’ll sit and watch and are generally good humoured but it changes the vibe/makes me feel uncomfortable. It almost makes my feel a bit mean suggesting a game now.
My dilemma is… should I not suggest games on these occasions? Or should I go ahead if most of us have fun. A couple of things to add… these occasions are, for the most part, hosted by us- I wouldn’t suggest a game/steer the evening if I were a guest/someone else were hosting. Also the games maybe take half an hour in the course of a whole evening, so for the most part we’re eating/chatting etc
Any views welcome!

I like doing games 🤷‍♀️ my in laws are numerous that we're able to split off into groups and do whatever we choose though. I'd just invite your family round for games night and save it for then if they're clearly not enjoying it.

We regularly have games evenings with our friends. Usually with a takeaway.
I find them so much more fun than just sitting around talking.
But horses for courses I guess.

We love games and, if my husband hadn't enjoyed them too, I don't think we'd get on so well and have married each other! We play board games, cards, word games and party games - as do all our parents/siblings/children. You definitely shouldn't stop doing them if the rest of you enjoy.

I understand how your guests feel because I hate dancing. Not once in my 50 years have I ever enjoyed dancing despite loving live music and buying records.

However people will always call me boring for not dancing or tell me to enjoy myself. I just find it weird thing to do and completely uncomfortable.

Haha I love organised fun but I know I'm in the minority.

Play Herd Mentality. Fun for everyone and you don't have to compete to be clever.....

But they do sit it out regularly in total good humour, according to the OP. By her account, she is the one with the problem, because even their good-humoured opting out makes her ‘uncomfortable’.

Sounds like you are doing what I'd do...have the game, and let them watch. I would suggest trying to think of them as "the cheering section." It seems that they watch with good humor, so they're fine with being on the sidelines. Don't make this a negative when it does not have to be! Let everyone enjoy it in their own way.

Why not just ask MIL & SIL how they feel about the games before the next few together?

*get together

I absolutely loathe party games. Not just in themselves but because they ruin whatever had been happening before. If I'm seeing friends, especially ones I haven't seen in a while, I want some adult conversation. I play fucking Cluedo all the time with my kids.

And Cluedo is infinitely better than charades.

I shudder at the idea of games. I'm an adult, not a child. Don't inflict your idea of fun on others.

Well my middle class family would universally recoil in horror.

What a toe curling post - sorry OP.

I am not sure whether it is self seeking in that others do not apricate "fun" the same way you do at such an occasion or that you may actually be offended that others have taken (quite a bold stance) not to be included but smile along FOR YOU. So some of your guest seem to enjoy it, other sit out. I could bet my house on the fact that some of your active participants are doing it to be nice to you and not for their own enjoyment, grinning and bearing it, yet you err on the side of the fact it is only a few that opt out, its only for a short time so in your perspective it is perfectly harmless - versus what you have not actually acknowledged, is the absolute gut retching dread and or hatred of having to participate in something when they just want to enjoy the dinner and company!

If they have made it clear they don't want to participate but clap / laugh along then leave them to it - if you continue to have games at your doo.

Judging from tales of what goes on at places like Balmoral when they have a big house party, it's more of an upper-class thing.

If the dinner is to celebrate his birthday and he would like a game then I think everyone would want him to have that -even if they don’t participate.
Perhaps on other occasions if the gathering is to celebrate something for DH’s family then it would be thoughtful to take their preferences for the evening.
If it is a general family gathering then, I guess it’s worth finding out somehow whether it really bothers the two who don’t play and you might want to think about that if it does.
But they might be quite happy watching you all enjoying your family tradition

So MIL and SIL who are quite happy watching are suddenly designated servants just because OP can’t cope that not everyone likes what she likes?

No party games and no boardgames. Give me a good book and I'm happy.

‘All in fun’ I said… andI didn’t say force them 🙄🙄🙄

Funny, 🙄 is the exact face I imagine OP makes when MIL/SIL don’t join in.

🥱

Well I just vote with my feet. If this comes up I don't go again, neither do I attend fancy dress parties - not hilariously funny in my view. So everyone's happy and no one is made to feel out of it. If your son wants a game go ahead it's his day.

Mmm coming from the other side of it I find things like this cringey. Not being miserable and certainly nothing to do with being embarrassed but some people just don’t like that sort of thing. Maybe have a games night and if people don’t want to join well that’s upto them but I can almost hear the sighs when you make the suggestion…….