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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A 6am text

275 replies

inthegoodlife · 12/03/2023 06:54

I've NC for this one.
I ran into a friend on Friday and told her than my young children were going away for Saturday night. This is a relatively new arrangement with their father and I get quite anxious when they're there but it only happens once a fortnight and really enjoy that night off despite the anxiety and missing them. Normally I just want to relax and have a lay in so I am recharged for the week.
She's known me for a few years and knows how much I've struggled with fatigue and the general stress of having two little ones on my own.
The other thing is, there have been a couple of issues previously that I've let slide that made me question the relationship and whether she was a genuine friend or not, but they're not clear cut and she can be good fun so I wanted to see past it.
Anyway, when my children stay with their father, I always keep my phone on in case there's an issue. This morning, after having the conversation on Friday with her about having my night off and looking forward to a lay in, my phone pings at 6am. I instantly check it thinking it's the children and it's her! forwarding an article about something health related. Then it pings again, with a follow up message.
Would anyone here text at 6am on a Sunday something unimportant?

OP posts:
LadyAstor · 12/03/2023 06:55

She’s not your friend.

LlynTegid · 12/03/2023 06:57

Not a chance I would contact anyone at 6am unless someone had been rushed to hospital.

carriedout · 12/03/2023 07:00

She possibly has her mobile off when sleeping so wouldn't be disturbed if the situation was reversed? Mine is off and I do have one friend who texts late but I never see it.

But if she's generally a PITA, I can't understand why you're bothering with her.

Nimbostratus100 · 12/03/2023 07:01

its a bit thoughtless, just text back now ask her not to contact you before 10, or whatever!

If she takes the hump, then you won't have to worry about her again.

Or if she apologises, then ok

But of course, texts don't always arrive when they are sent, it might have been sent 10 hours ago

WaltzingWaters · 12/03/2023 07:01

I have a baby so up at all hours, so that’s often when I reply to messages. I also have friends around the world so don’t keep track on the hours I’m sending messages. I just assume people will have their phones on silent. I understand you don’t in case you hear from your kids, but she may not know that or just didn’t think.
I believe on some phones there’s a way to put certain contacts on an emergency setting that will ring at any time and some on silent. I’ve not done it myself but maybe look into that.

Knittinglikemad · 12/03/2023 07:01

I had a friend like that would send random stuff at stupid times & now my phone goes on Do Not Disturb at night but important numbers are set on Emergency Bypass ( iPhone) so know matter if I even switch my phone on silent those calls still get through.

Whatever2023 · 12/03/2023 07:01

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

SoulCaptain · 12/03/2023 07:03

Maybe she was trying to distract you from missing them?

Original poster
inthegoodlife · 12/03/2023 07:04

WaltzingWaters · 12/03/2023 07:01

I have a baby so up at all hours, so that’s often when I reply to messages. I also have friends around the world so don’t keep track on the hours I’m sending messages. I just assume people will have their phones on silent. I understand you don’t in case you hear from your kids, but she may not know that or just didn’t think.
I believe on some phones there’s a way to put certain contacts on an emergency setting that will ring at any time and some on silent. I’ve not done it myself but maybe look into that.

That's a really useful tip - I'll look into that, thank you.

OP posts:
LadyLolaRuben · 12/03/2023 07:05

Receiving a message at that time is fine by me. Its up to me to manage the alerts sounds on my phone. I could be asleep or concerned about something at any hour of the day so I see no difference

blitzen · 12/03/2023 07:06

I would recommend you use the 'do not disturb' function on your phone. You set the hours and can make exceptions, such as any number in your priority contacts which could be related to your children.

whoruntheworldgirls · 12/03/2023 07:06

I do this too:

Do Not Disturb at night but important numbers are set on Emergency Bypass ( iPhone) so no matter if I even switch my phone on silent those calls still get through.

ChildcareIsBroken · 12/03/2023 07:07

I message at all hours because it's usually at night or early morning I have the time to reply. I assume everyone has phone on silent these days. You can have an option that phone calls are not silent but messages are. Or if it's WhatsApp you can turn off notifications for chats you choose.
So I think in this case your friend did nothing wrong.

Rainforest6 · 12/03/2023 07:08

I think texts are okay at any hour. For Mr s text alert I'd usually unobtrusive so it just sits until the person is free.

A call is like knocking on a door for immediateresponse, a text is like sending a letter

Zcity · 12/03/2023 07:09

I've sent a few messages to friends this morning as I was awake, answering texts from yesterday - I have my phone on silent if I'm asleep so it wouldn't occur to me that it's an issue.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 12/03/2023 07:11

I’d send a text at any time. It’s not a phone call! The point is that they are sent and received when convenient.

BluetheBear · 12/03/2023 07:13

I was about to say OP that there are settings on iPhones that allow only certain contacts to reach uo at certain times. Maybe on other phones too.

I think 6 am is early but then I have a young child and sometimes message my group chats at that time (and others message in the middle of the night sometimes if they're little ones are not sleeping so it must be assumed the groups are muted or phones are on silent.

I probably wouldn't directly message someone at 6 am though especially if they've said they wanted a lie in.

Mortimercat · 12/03/2023 07:15

I can’t imagine that I would ever text anyone at 6am, but I also don’t understand why one ping is such an issue.

Random789 · 12/03/2023 07:16

I always assume that people manage their notification settings so that they don't get disturbed when they don't want to be. I guess that ideally people would still think twice, but it would be easy for someone to forget to do this if they themselves are efficient users of 'do not disturb'.
If it isn't possible for you to set certain numbers to bypass the 'do not disturb' function, then I woud just politely ask her not to text at certain times.

Original poster
inthegoodlife · 12/03/2023 07:16

I clearly need to look at settings and put a do not disturb on in future!

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 12/03/2023 07:18

It's a text! Just ignore it and go back to sleep.

You're being precious and weird. As is everyone else in this thread.

Maybe because my line of work has people on shift 24/7 or maybe because I have friends in other time zones, i get messages all day and night.

Do you have a landline? If so put your phone on silent overnight and ask DC's dad to ring your phone in an emergency

Magenta82 · 12/03/2023 07:19

It's a bit thoughtless but she probably assumed youb had your phone on DND.

To stop it happening again and make sure you can sleep but still be contactable if needed it would be a good idea to change the settings so you have your phone on DND but always allow calls and messages from your emergency contacts.

cairnsarethebest · 12/03/2023 07:19

There's 2 sorts of people - those who think this is ok and you should have your phone on DND and those who think it's rude.

I used to be the latter - but now I have a dnd with exceptions on so only my kids and my oh come through at night.

CrystalCoco · 12/03/2023 07:20

No chance! I'm an early bird, my phone goes into flight mode early at night so there's often messages that I don't get till around 5 or 6am - it happened this morning and I made the conscious decision that 6.30 was too early to be replying.

It's not kind or considerate to be messaging unless it's an emergency.

MinistryMelody · 12/03/2023 07:20

If you are on android you can add exceptions to the do not disturb function. I have mine set to calls and texts from all my contacts that I've marked as "favourite".