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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A 6am text

275 replies

inthegoodlife · 12/03/2023 06:54

I've NC for this one.
I ran into a friend on Friday and told her than my young children were going away for Saturday night. This is a relatively new arrangement with their father and I get quite anxious when they're there but it only happens once a fortnight and really enjoy that night off despite the anxiety and missing them. Normally I just want to relax and have a lay in so I am recharged for the week.
She's known me for a few years and knows how much I've struggled with fatigue and the general stress of having two little ones on my own.
The other thing is, there have been a couple of issues previously that I've let slide that made me question the relationship and whether she was a genuine friend or not, but they're not clear cut and she can be good fun so I wanted to see past it.
Anyway, when my children stay with their father, I always keep my phone on in case there's an issue. This morning, after having the conversation on Friday with her about having my night off and looking forward to a lay in, my phone pings at 6am. I instantly check it thinking it's the children and it's her! forwarding an article about something health related. Then it pings again, with a follow up message.
Would anyone here text at 6am on a Sunday something unimportant?

OP posts:
Rhino94 · 12/03/2023 08:29

toastofthetown · 12/03/2023 07:48

Why on earth would you assume that? I assume she was up at that time, saw an article she thought he OP would be interested in and sent it on, assuming the OP had taken one of many options to manage her notifications overnight.

Show quote history

If you read the op she has had other issues with friend and told her the night before she was having a lie in. I know of no one that would send a text that early!

NewShoes · 12/03/2023 08:31

Yes I’m also used to friends texting at all hours - those who are up with babies, on different time zones etc. I would also assume people had their phones off/ on silent at night. Put caller bypass on your phone then it’ll ring for specified callers even if on silent - good for emergencies.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 12/03/2023 08:31

My mum used to do this when she used to get up for work at 4am . She doesn’t have her phone in the same room so didn’t understand it disturbs you . I put it on do not disturb like others say . It

Glitteratitar · 12/03/2023 08:33

You’re being ridiculous that she somehow sabotaged your lie in. The point about texts is that it’s not urgent, so I and anyone I know would have phones on silent / do not disturb and only check a 6am text when we wake up. I expect she thought you would do the same.

lewiscapaldi · 12/03/2023 08:33

It's your responsibility to keep your phone on silent if you don't want to be disturbed by early notifications! You can set up emergency contacts.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 12/03/2023 08:34

garlictwist · 12/03/2023 08:27

I text people at that time of day as it's the time I'm on my phone. If you don't want to be woken by your phone, put it on silent!

I get lots of people do this, and I myself have my phone on silent with a few emergency bypasses. However, if a friend specifically told you she was looking forward to her first lie in in ages, would you still text that early? I would find that incredibly selfish.

Glitteratitar · 12/03/2023 08:35

Rhino94 · 12/03/2023 08:29

If you read the op she has had other issues with friend and told her the night before she was having a lie in. I know of no one that would send a text that early!

Show quote history

Oh come on. If you think your friend is someone who would deliberately wake you up early on a Sunday, you’re either ridiculously paranoid or it’s time to end the friendship.

BabyHobnob · 12/03/2023 08:36

I actually wouldn't text someone at 6am even though I use do not disturb between 10.30 and 7.30! I still think I'm disturbing someone if I text before 9!

Custardbanana · 12/03/2023 08:38

Your phone notifications are your responsibility. If you don't want them, turn them off.

TortolaParadise · 12/03/2023 08:43

I may have a different perspective here but is she being nasty - trying to create a moment of panic for you. Nothing more heart stopping than a phone call / text outside of 'normal' hours. In my world these communications usually mean family emergency - get dressed and get her quick!

MrsJBaptiste · 12/03/2023 08:43

Yep, I text when there's something I need/want to send, i.e. I'll text at any time of the day before it's goes out of my head!

piedbeauty · 12/03/2023 08:46

Hmm. I always switch my phone to silent overnight and set it so that if my dc ring they can get through. Why not do that??

But if your friend deliberately texted them knowing it was your lie-in? Dickish thing to do.

TortolaParadise · 12/03/2023 08:46

here
Might sound far fetched but there are people like this. I wouldn't necessarily call them friends though.

crossstitchingnana · 12/03/2023 08:48

I think you're being ridiculous. I message people at all times, up to them whether they have phone on silent or not. I wouldn't ring them though.

Can't you have it on silent with only your ex's number allowed?

familyissues12345 · 12/03/2023 08:48

I think it's a bit rubbish that she knew you were having a very unusual lie in today, yet sent a text message on the belief you'd have it on silent. That's just weird.

If you were my friend I wouldn't want to risk waking you up

bussteward · 12/03/2023 08:51

WaltzingWaters · 12/03/2023 07:01

I have a baby so up at all hours, so that’s often when I reply to messages. I also have friends around the world so don’t keep track on the hours I’m sending messages. I just assume people will have their phones on silent. I understand you don’t in case you hear from your kids, but she may not know that or just didn’t think.
I believe on some phones there’s a way to put certain contacts on an emergency setting that will ring at any time and some on silent. I’ve not done it myself but maybe look into that.

This. I don’t know anyone who has sound or even vibrate on their phone at any time, let alone overnight: everyone sets it to sleep/do not disturb mode so they can use it as an alarm/3am insomnia MN scroll device without being bothered. Lots of people I know have started keeping their phone out of the bedroom too. It wouldn’t occur to me that anyone’s phone would ping with a message any more: that’s like having typing sounds on, or the game Snake, or using txt spk. Very 1998!

I send messages any time and pick them up any time, from friends around the world or on different schedules to me – I’m definitely a “catch up on texts while the baby gnaws my nipple off at 2am” schedule person atm.

JMSA · 12/03/2023 08:51

Your phone should have been on silent Hmm

sleepraptor · 12/03/2023 08:51

There's two separate issues: (1) is it reasonable to text at any time - generally most people would say yes given DND etc (2) what was her intention and is she actually a friend which is probably the question you're mainly asking yourself, and I guess no-one can know but given the other issues it's worth being a little wary of how much you can trust her.

BreatheAndFocus · 12/03/2023 08:52

A bit coincidental that she just happened to text on the day you told her you’re having a night off/lie in IMO 🤨 A ‘friend’ used to do that to me - text really early because she was pissed off at having to start work early and jealous I didn’t have to. Just random crap for the sake of texting, nothing important.

As others have said, sort your phone out. Set Do Not Disturb but set some people (not this friend!!) as Priority/VIPs and then their calls and texts will still get through but ones from anyone else won’t.

I wouldn’t mention it to the friend but I would be suspicious of her and watch what I told her.

Qantaqa · 12/03/2023 08:53

Do Not Disturb mode on your phone is your friend.

Mine (Samsung) allows me to name favourite contacts (in my case my parents, kids and my siblings) and during my Do Not Disturb hours (10pm - 7am) everyone else is on silent and only that handful of contacts actually makes a noise on my phone.

However YANBU.

butterfliedtwo · 12/03/2023 08:54

ChildcareIsBroken · 12/03/2023 07:07

I message at all hours because it's usually at night or early morning I have the time to reply. I assume everyone has phone on silent these days. You can have an option that phone calls are not silent but messages are. Or if it's WhatsApp you can turn off notifications for chats you choose.
So I think in this case your friend did nothing wrong.

Agree. This is what DND is for if it bothers you.

U2HasTheEdge · 12/03/2023 08:55

I message people whenever I get around to it. However, if someone told me that they were planning a lie-in, I would keep that in mind and I wouldn't message them at 6.00 am just in case.

I don't allow notifications on my phone from email, social media etc as I don't like it at any time of day. A message wouldn't bother me and my phone is always on vibrate so a message wouldn't disturb me.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/03/2023 08:56

I text whenever it's convenient - people should have their phones on silent if they don't want to be disturbed 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've never been woken at 6am by a text or a phone call in the the 25 odd years I've owned a mobile phone.

Cas112 · 12/03/2023 08:57

She probably hasn't even thought about the time. I wouldn't take it to personally

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/03/2023 08:58

However, if a friend specifically told you she was looking forward to her first lie in in ages, would you still text that early? I would find that incredibly selfish.

Yes, because I'd assume my friend was smart enough to put their phone on silent if they were having a lie-in!