A 6am text

[inthegoodlife]

I've NC for this one.
I ran into a friend on Friday and told her than my young children were going away for Saturday night. This is a relatively new arrangement with their father and I get quite anxious when they're there but it only happens once a fortnight and really enjoy that night off despite the anxiety and missing them. Normally I just want to relax and have a lay in so I am recharged for the week.
She's known me for a few years and knows how much I've struggled with fatigue and the general stress of having two little ones on my own.
The other thing is, there have been a couple of issues previously that I've let slide that made me question the relationship and whether she was a genuine friend or not, but they're not clear cut and she can be good fun so I wanted to see past it.
Anyway, when my children stay with their father, I always keep my phone on in case there's an issue. This morning, after having the conversation on Friday with her about having my night off and looking forward to a lay in, my phone pings at 6am. I instantly check it thinking it's the children and it's her! forwarding an article about something health related. Then it pings again, with a follow up message.
Would anyone here text at 6am on a Sunday something unimportant?

YABU - ridiculous thing to be upset about.

Without exception all of my friends, acquitances and even colleagues will message at all hours. Text messages, WhatsApps and FB chats are all like emails - you pick them up when you're ready.

If you don't want to be disturbed then set your phone appropriately. If there was anything that major going on with your children why would you be contacted by text anyway?

I keep my phone on silent or dnd, so this is not an issue I’d ever think about. I also have clients and friends all over the world, so often send messages, emails and texts at odd hours. I just assume people don’t read them until convenient for them. I wouldn’t call anyone at 6am unless an emergency, but I wouldn’t think twice about sending a message.

Ah i would do this assuming people use do not disturb or similar with only emergency numbers to come through sometimes early morning with the baby is the only time I have to read and respond

But why take the risk? Isn't that what friendship is about? I can't be sure my friend will have put it on silent, it's not important so I'll wait! Or I'm desperate to send this inane message, I know she's asleep but it's her tough luck if she hasn't put it on silent, I'm too self important to wait!

My friends will be pleased with the camp I'm in I hope...

She probably doesn’t realized that you have your phone near you or on. I leave my phone downstairs at night and DH has his on do not disturb at night.

Good God, its a wonder anyone has any friends at all when every little action is scrutinised and analysed.
She probably thought your phone was silent or sent it the night before and it took ages to come through.

It's rather selfish and thoughtless as it puts the onus on the recipient to 1) have a phone that you can have exemptions to DND, and 2) is also tech aware to know it exists.

A few years ago I had an old phone that didn't have that function, only a total DND which wasn't suitable at the time, and had a friend who I asked not to call or text before 9am. He ignored that because his want to repeatedly send unimportant texts at 6am overrode my need for sleep. I decided he wasn't someone I wanted to be friends with.

Totally agree @familyissues12345 Just err on the side of caution and contact them a bit later

I think she is already questioning the friendship!

I use the do not disturb function so it's silent except for my husband,children, parents, in laws and sibling all of whom would inly ever text at night or early morning in case of emergency.
My mother however has one or twice sent a random text at midnight so she's been taken off thr do not disturb for now 😃

My email notifications are always turned off on my phone. My texts and whatsapp are not. If someone needs to get in touch with me in an emergency, I assume they won't do it by email.

But why take the risk?

Because it's just a text. If a grown adult doesn't want to get woken up by a text/alert on their phone then it's their responsibility to put it on silent 🤷🏻‍♀️

Isn't that what friendship is about? I can't be sure my friend will have put it on silent, it's not important so I'll wait! Or I'm desperate to send this inane message, I know she's asleep but it's her tough luck if she hasn't put it on silent, I'm too self important to wait!

So someone is self-important if they text when it's convenient to them, but it's not self-important to expect your friends to wait until later in the day because you can't be bothered to put your phone on silent?

In my friends whats app group we do message at that time as theres always a couple of us awake early. I just presume if people dont want to be disturbed, they have their phone on silent.

It works the other way too-some people go to bed early and some of my friends (and me sometimes) will message at 11pm or later, so we could be disturbing them then. By the time ive done everything in the evening (dinner, homework, kids in bed, jobs etc etc), the only time to reply is late at night or early the next day before the morning rush begins.

However, as you made a specific point of saying you were having a lie in, I think it was a careless mistake on the friends behalf.

She didn’t ring, put your phone on silent for text messages and sound for calls. No one would text anything urgent.

You need to set your phone on do not disturb except for people you want contacting you.

So mine is my parents, my husband and kids. Then 10pm - 7am only get notifications from them.

It is not on them not to text you....

I recommend the privacy settings like pp, I have set it so calls from my mum can get thru at any time.

I doubt it was done on purpose. I have a friend who texts regularly from 6.30am, despite me not having to be awake then. Look at your settings- mine can do a do not disturb apart from, then add your ex and children to that group. Sorted.

I do this too

Saves a lot of early morning and late night disturbances but means I can hear from people I need/want to hear from

Same as PP- I only get notifications from immediate family.

You can also set your phone so that, if someone rings twice within 3 minutes, the second call will not be silenced (worth knowing as well if you ever have to call someone at night in an emergency and their phone is on silent- you might get through second time).

In those circumstances I wouldn’t message a friend who had specifically said they were looking forward to a lay in at that time at a weekend.

However, like others, I do have my phone on DND overnight so an early text or message wouldn’t disturb me. I wouldn’t even be available for the children if I knew they were away and safe with capable adults. My phone does have an override where anyone trying to call more than twice within a short space of time it will ring.

Don’t be so ridiculous. If you have your phone on all night, without any DND settings on, then you can’t complain if it beeps in the night.

I often send people messages without worrying what time it is. I just assume they will pick it up when they are ready and have their phone on.

Someone asked me a couple of days ago why I'd sent a 2am text.
I hadn't. It had been an immediate response to their text at just after 10pm.
My phone said sent at 22.12, their phone said arrived at 02.23. Don't know what happen there.

I’ve sent and received texts in the middle of the night before now. I’d assume everyone has their phone on do not disturb. My phone never has the pinging switched on at any time.

I don't care when I receive texts or email or messages I just reply when I choose too

If there are settings on iPhone to block all calls except certain numbers,what if there was an accident and a hospital or Police were trying to call to inform you?,wouldn't it block those too?.
Sorry but its the overthinker in me coming out now 😬.