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AIBU?

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Original poster

A 6am text

275 replies

inthegoodlife · 12/03/2023 06:54

I've NC for this one.
I ran into a friend on Friday and told her than my young children were going away for Saturday night. This is a relatively new arrangement with their father and I get quite anxious when they're there but it only happens once a fortnight and really enjoy that night off despite the anxiety and missing them. Normally I just want to relax and have a lay in so I am recharged for the week.
She's known me for a few years and knows how much I've struggled with fatigue and the general stress of having two little ones on my own.
The other thing is, there have been a couple of issues previously that I've let slide that made me question the relationship and whether she was a genuine friend or not, but they're not clear cut and she can be good fun so I wanted to see past it.
Anyway, when my children stay with their father, I always keep my phone on in case there's an issue. This morning, after having the conversation on Friday with her about having my night off and looking forward to a lay in, my phone pings at 6am. I instantly check it thinking it's the children and it's her! forwarding an article about something health related. Then it pings again, with a follow up message.
Would anyone here text at 6am on a Sunday something unimportant?

OP posts:
speciall · 12/03/2023 07:20

but you started a thread early? assume you're from UK

YukoandHiro · 12/03/2023 07:22

Others have a better idea about emergency bypass... I didn't know that was a thing!

Valhalla17 · 12/03/2023 07:22

You'll have lots of responses telling you to set up alerts and notification sounds on your phone accordingly OP, putting the responsibility on you etc - but regardless of all that, i find it bloody rude and inconsiderate. I wouldn't send a message to someone at that hour, nor past about 10pm unless there was an emergency or it was a close friend where we have that routine already. Its not like email, its like calling someone's landlines in my opinion....I wouldn't call that at certain times either.

MarshaMelrose · 12/03/2023 07:22

l silence all my media except for my phone. That way there's no onus on anyone to check when they message and I'm not disturbed.

HooverIsAlwaysBroken · 12/03/2023 07:22

I used to be you OP -until my very best friend texted something completely unimportant at 1am (I am a terrible sleeper and sleep is gold dust to me).

She was genuinely surprised that I didn’t have a do not disturb on - now I do! DH and DC only. I make changes if there is a sleepover or similar.

callthataspade · 12/03/2023 07:23

Actually... I think it's a bit shady

You tell her you're looking forward to your lie in on Sunday. She texts you at 6am. Twice. Does she normally text you that early?

If not nah that's shifty.

You said there were other things but you were trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. But I'd put this in the 'dickhead non friend' category

But agree with everyone. Do not disturb but isolate their dads phone so he can still get through.

WinterMusings · 12/03/2023 07:23

Mortimercat · 12/03/2023 07:15

I can’t imagine that I would ever text anyone at 6am, but I also don’t understand why one ping is such an issue.

@Mortimercat

its an issue because it woke her up. It would wake me up to. I envy you your depth of sleep if it wouldn't wake you!

but @inthegoodlife I agree with everyone else, notifications in your phone are for you to manage. I have friends around the world & I don't expect them to think about what time it is here, I have messages on silent & phone call on silent except for xyz who would only call in my night in an emergency.

either give her the benefit of the doubt or block her/fade her out.

Original poster
inthegoodlife · 12/03/2023 07:24

Mortimercat · 12/03/2023 07:15

I can’t imagine that I would ever text anyone at 6am, but I also don’t understand why one ping is such an issue.

It was two pings. I guess why it bothered me was that she knows that I am having a lay in. I can count on one hand how many lay ins I've had in 6 years as I have been on my own raising two children from babies.
I will look at the settings on my phone though as she perhaps assumed it would be on do not disturb.

OP posts:
MaireadMcSweeney · 12/03/2023 07:24

YukoandHiro · 12/03/2023 07:18

It's a text! Just ignore it and go back to sleep.

You're being precious and weird. As is everyone else in this thread.

Maybe because my line of work has people on shift 24/7 or maybe because I have friends in other time zones, i get messages all day and night.

Do you have a landline? If so put your phone on silent overnight and ask DC's dad to ring your phone in an emergency

Not everyone can go back to sleep after being woken up at 6. I can't.

PurBal · 12/03/2023 07:25

A text is like an email. Doesn’t require an immediate response. Phone is on do not disturb.

MaireadMcSweeney · 12/03/2023 07:25

Mortimercat · 12/03/2023 07:15

I can’t imagine that I would ever text anyone at 6am, but I also don’t understand why one ping is such an issue.

Because it woke her up! It's not possible to just go back to sleep for everyone!

outwiththeoldinwiththenewish · 12/03/2023 07:25

Have to admit I've done this before. It's totally thoughtless. I assumed, like me, my friend would have her phone on silent. She did not. I felt really bad and obviously wouldn't do it again.

I doubt this person has done it out of spite; to question whether she is a genuine friend is extreme.

Catspyjamas17 · 12/03/2023 07:26

I wouldn't hear a text at 6am as my phone is on silent.

Rainforest6 · 12/03/2023 07:26

It might also be slightly something that's the norm in different age groups

I don't know a single person under 35 where I could tell you their text alert (other than vibrate) because its not common to have one.

Equally the more you use your phone the more likely you are to get notifications overnight.
I've woken up this morning to quite a few notifications from a mixture of games, websites, social media, even my washing machine! If my phone was on loud then they would all ping the same as a text, so the few WhatsApps aren't unusual. My family have been chatting away on a group what's app over night. I wouldn't even consider the time when sending a text because I assume that others will have something in place to deal with notifications overnight
You can mute certain group convos on what's app so they don't alert you.

Tessisme · 12/03/2023 07:27

God, I must be really out of touch with the modern world. It would never occur to me to send someone a text at stupid o'clock. If I want to text someone and it's a bit early, I just save it as a draft and send it later. If I forget, that's my own problem. I wouldn't make the assumption that 'everyone' has their phone on silent, even though I do.

Itsmyturnnow1 · 12/03/2023 07:29

Selfish and thoughtless! Even without a night off from kids it’s far too early! If I saw my friend ‘online’ on WhatsApp I might but usually would wait until at least 9am

Namechangequeenie · 12/03/2023 07:29

I have a family member who keeps doing this. Either dog early or after midnight. I mentioned it a few times but it didn’t stop so I’ve now got my iPhone set to do not disturb between 10pm and 8am . It still lets emergency calls through but not stupid texts or pointless notifications. People assume others have their phones on silent but I would sometimes forget and my phone is always by the bed for my alarm

Rhino94 · 12/03/2023 07:29

i would say her intention was to wake you as she knows fully well you had a lay in. I would respond at 11 saying sorry only just got up or something, don’t give her the satisfaction!

Hillrunning · 12/03/2023 07:31

Of course texts are acceptable at any hour. They don't require anything from you. It's down to you to manage how you are alerted of them.

donttellmehesalive · 12/03/2023 07:32

I message at all hours and so do my friends. One friend works shifts so is at work all night and asleep all day. It's never occurred to me that anyone would have their phone in the bedroom without putting it on silent or setting a do not disturb. Even if your friend hadn't text you, you could have had a sales text or a notification from an app. I think it's ott to question your friendship because she assumed your phone would be off, and replies saying 'she's not your friend' and similar are mad.

Twiglets1 · 12/03/2023 07:32

I have done it in the past because I used to think everyone turned their phone off at night like I do.
Then a friend gently told me I had woken her up with an early text so I don’t do it anymore. I think you just need to tell her to please not send you anymore early texts as you do keep your phone on all night sometimes

Rainforest6 · 12/03/2023 07:32

I definitely think it's a generational thing, I don't know anyone that would consider a text in the same bracket as a phone call.

It's definitely the same as an email for me

SpaceNambo · 12/03/2023 07:34

I keep my phone on do not disturb until I'm ready to be disturbed. Simples.

Zcity · 12/03/2023 07:34

Hillrunning · 12/03/2023 07:31

Of course texts are acceptable at any hour. They don't require anything from you. It's down to you to manage how you are alerted of them.

Exactly.

Bizarre how some people think it's rude!

AnotherCountryMummy · 12/03/2023 07:35

As others have said - use do not disturb but allow children's Dad to contact you. It works on Samsung phones too. I've only just discovered it recently 🙂

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