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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A 6am text

275 replies

inthegoodlife · 12/03/2023 06:54

I've NC for this one.
I ran into a friend on Friday and told her than my young children were going away for Saturday night. This is a relatively new arrangement with their father and I get quite anxious when they're there but it only happens once a fortnight and really enjoy that night off despite the anxiety and missing them. Normally I just want to relax and have a lay in so I am recharged for the week.
She's known me for a few years and knows how much I've struggled with fatigue and the general stress of having two little ones on my own.
The other thing is, there have been a couple of issues previously that I've let slide that made me question the relationship and whether she was a genuine friend or not, but they're not clear cut and she can be good fun so I wanted to see past it.
Anyway, when my children stay with their father, I always keep my phone on in case there's an issue. This morning, after having the conversation on Friday with her about having my night off and looking forward to a lay in, my phone pings at 6am. I instantly check it thinking it's the children and it's her! forwarding an article about something health related. Then it pings again, with a follow up message.
Would anyone here text at 6am on a Sunday something unimportant?

OP posts:
PriamFarrl · 12/03/2023 07:51

I woke up this morning, at 7am, to 3 messages on my phone. One from a friend and two regarding something I was selling on Facebook Marketplace.

I have a group of friends and we all message each other our Wordle score first thing in the morning, often around 6am as we do it when we are getting ready. My friends work part time but there is always one of us working. It wouldn’t occur to me not to message them at the normal time.

Like many others I have my phone set to sleep mode which means I don’t get messages ping up unless they are from certain people. (but I didn’t do that last night)
It’s also worth noting that while you are in do not disturb mode that of someone calls 3 times it still comes through. If someone not on your list is calling that much it must be an emergency.

Original poster
inthegoodlife · 12/03/2023 07:52

MorganSeventh · 12/03/2023 07:48

I think 'put your phone on DND' may be the new cancel the cheque...

😂

OP posts:
pinksheetss · 12/03/2023 07:53

Think you are overthinking this one OP
She's not doing it on purpose to ruin your lie in. She's up at that time and on her phone. It's a text as well, she's not ringing your phone constantly

Downtown123 · 12/03/2023 07:54

She’s done it on purpose. People think they are so entitled. I have a few friends who do this and I have them on silent. One friend then complained when there was a emergency and she couldn’t get hold of me as she needed my help through the night. I could of been there for her if she hadn’t been selfish in the past.

Original poster
inthegoodlife · 12/03/2023 07:55

ShadowPuppets · 12/03/2023 07:43

Really? Both are:

  • written communications
  • sent to your phone
  • not requiring an immediate response
  • that will make your phone make a noise if not on silent/do not disturb
Show quote history

I don't have email on my phone

OP posts:
GiltEdges · 12/03/2023 07:56

LadyAstor · 12/03/2023 06:55

She’s not your friend.

What now? Confused

No point repeating what everyone else had said, but FWIW I also don't think she did anything wrong.

icypompoms · 12/03/2023 07:59

I assumed eveyone in this day and age has their phone on silent.
Set the dad as a breakthrough emergency caller so even if your phone is silent it'll make noise if he rings.

WimbyAce · 12/03/2023 08:00

Nope I wouldn't text anyone that early unless emergency. I always have my phone on silent so wouldn't hear if anyone bothered me.

ToughOleBird · 12/03/2023 08:02

I sometimes do it to people who’ve pissed me off. My phone goes into sleep mode now due to various family & friends around the world getting the time difference mixed up. But you can still allow certain people to make contact with this. Or If you still want to stay friends you could block her every night, & unblock the next morning.

PuddlesPityParty · 12/03/2023 08:03

I would just assume if my friends didn’t want to be disturbed they’d have their phone on do not disturb.

GobbieMaggie · 12/03/2023 08:07

I'm out the door and on my way to work by 6 am, frequently on a weekend too.

rattlemehearties · 12/03/2023 08:08

It's really easy to change your phone settings so only phone calls from important contacts (your kids etc) can get through while it's on silent. I do this most of the time so I don't get noisy notifications.

Then leave the phone on silent so you're not disturbed by 6am texts or WhatsApps.

Your friend presumably is awake and thinks most people are sensible and have their phone on silent when they don't want to be disturbed! Couldn't bring myself to be upset about this to be honest, I'd just be annoyed with myself.

Wingingit11 · 12/03/2023 08:08

Agree that people are being a bit harsh here- she probably was just trying to keep you virtual company: I assume everyone has phone set to not disturb except eg partic nos

Iflyaway · 12/03/2023 08:11

Sunday morning should be no contact before 11 am, barring an emergency.

I know someone who had a "friend" ring the doorbell at 9 am on a Sunday for a "social visit". WTF?!

Rollonspring23 · 12/03/2023 08:14

You could use the do not disturb function that would allow your ex partner to get in touch in an emergency but avoid you being disturbed by any other messages. I assume that people have their phones on silent / do not disturb when sleeping.

BarbaraofSeville · 12/03/2023 08:15

If it was urgent/important they would have called anyway?

Surely no-one texts about urgent matters unless they have called first and got no response and want to convey information that is easier/better done in writing than leaving a voicemail?

Riverlee · 12/03/2023 08:15

pinksheetss · 12/03/2023 07:53

Think you are overthinking this one OP
She's not doing it on purpose to ruin your lie in. She's up at that time and on her phone. It's a text as well, she's not ringing your phone constantly

That’s what I was thinking. She’s up, saw the article and sent it to you. It’s not a deliberate ploy to worry or disturb you, and she probably wasn’t expecting you to read it at 6am or respond to her message.

Spanielsarepainless · 12/03/2023 08:17

I've just discovered the Do Not Disturb function on my 'phone. You can choose who you want to be able to get a message from but no one else.

BiscuitLover3678 · 12/03/2023 08:17

I definitely message throughout the night or if up early, as do my friends. Most people I know have texts on silent! That’s when I kept on top of messages with a newborn 😂 Or people use do not disturb if they like their texts on loud.

I’m surprised so many people find this odd. It’s like the new email. It shouldn’t matter when you send it.

just say thanks for the message but I actually have my texts on loud. Make it a joke. Poor woman will probably be mortified!

Youremyshininglight · 12/03/2023 08:20

I would never assume anyone has their phone on do not disturb, Why risk it. Texts can wait, especially on a Sunday morning when the op has expressed their delight at a lie in. If she doesn't normally text at that time it seems a bit off. At best thoughtless, at worst mean.
Make yourself a big cup of tea and some toast and enjoy a relaxed morning op.

Rumplestrumpet · 12/03/2023 08:20

Sorry it woke you (sleep is precious to me so I hear your pain) but I think in this day and age it's your responsibility to set your phone so it doesn't wake you. I send WhatsApp messages all times of day or night, and wouldn't ever think it would wake someone.

I set my phone to night time mode every night, and won't be disturbed except if a have phone call from a couple of set numbers (mum and husband). At 7am it automatically switches back, or you can do it manually

LeaveThePlayer · 12/03/2023 08:21

WaltzingWaters · 12/03/2023 07:01

I have a baby so up at all hours, so that’s often when I reply to messages. I also have friends around the world so don’t keep track on the hours I’m sending messages. I just assume people will have their phones on silent. I understand you don’t in case you hear from your kids, but she may not know that or just didn’t think.
I believe on some phones there’s a way to put certain contacts on an emergency setting that will ring at any time and some on silent. I’ve not done it myself but maybe look into that.

Yes this for me. I message people at all hours as it's just whenever I get a chance. My phone is always on silent so it wouldn't occur to me that I could be waking someone up.

So she probably didn't mean anything with it. I'll definitely think twice in future though so thanks for making me aware I may be annoying people!

Dguu6u · 12/03/2023 08:23

"why it bothered me was that she knows that I am having a lay in"

The world doesn't revolve around you, you know. If you don't want to be disturbed, turn off your phone.

AuntieSoap · 12/03/2023 08:25

Yeah it's thoughtless! You wouldn't phone someone at that time, so why is it ok to send a text if it isn't an emergency? I don't think it's ok to assume that people have their phone on silent.

garlictwist · 12/03/2023 08:27

I text people at that time of day as it's the time I'm on my phone. If you don't want to be woken by your phone, put it on silent!