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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD19 wants BF18 to stay nights

442 replies

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:06

Basically DD is going away with her bf for a short break Sunday and as it’s an early 4am leaving house at wants her bf to sleep over. We don’t feel comfortable about it at all as even though they be staying 4 nights away together, to actually sleep together in our house we think is disrespectful as what they do together when away from the house is their business but to sleep together in our house we find it not only uncomfortable but disrespectful as well. Now DD has told the BF but unsure why she did & has said until she goes away she’s not talking to any of us and is gonna move out very soon cos we are apparently too old fashioned and not with the times so are we being old fashioned & not with the times or is DD being unreasonable for wanting bf to sleep round while we are sleeping next door

OP posts:
RoomOfRequirement · 09/03/2023 20:09

Did she say 'Were going to be having sex in bed'? Or did she say 'Can he stay over as we have an early start?'.

One sounds disrespectful, the other does not, and I'm sure I know which she did.

Even so, having discreet sex in a committed relationship with 2 consenting adults is not disrespectful. She's right you are too old fashioned and I'd want to leave too. And I'm nearing 40!

Annabananna1 · 09/03/2023 20:09

You're being ridiculous and doing a great job of turning sex into a dirty thing.
Don't alienate your daughter.
There's nothing disrespectful about her staying the night with her bf in your house.

Minfilia · 09/03/2023 20:11

How is it disrespectful?

DoesItHaveKosovo · 09/03/2023 20:11

Sex isn’t disrespectful, you’re very weird.

Coolblur · 09/03/2023 20:11

It's your house so you get to decide who sleeps there. She should respect that, but she sounds pretty immature from her response, which makes me think you're right as it is likely they would do whatever they fancy in bed without any regard for the you in the next room, and not just sleep there for convenience due to the early start.
Maybe when she grows up a bit you could reconsider if you want to, hopefully she will move out and you'll no longer have to worry about it

Findyourneutralspace · 09/03/2023 20:11

Old fashioned I’m afraid. If they are old enough and committed enough to go away for four nights they are old enough to share her bed.
As long as they aren’t being disrespectful while they are there, having loud sex or generally misbehaving, I’d be totally ok with that arrangement.

MaireadMcSweeney · 09/03/2023 20:11

You're being super weird

Jourdain11 · 09/03/2023 20:11

Minfilia · 09/03/2023 20:11

How is it disrespectful?

They're having sex outside of marriage!

ilovesooty · 09/03/2023 20:12

If they have to set off at 4am they probably won't have an all night sex marathon anyway.

Minfilia · 09/03/2023 20:12

Jourdain11 · 09/03/2023 20:11

They're having sex outside of marriage!

Show quote history

Oh, the HORROR!

we must immediately alert the church elders!

lailamaria · 09/03/2023 20:12

god this take is weird, it's literally just so they can get an early start there's nothing disrespectful about it

Mixedin · 09/03/2023 20:13

Minfilia · 09/03/2023 20:12

Oh, the HORROR!

we must immediately alert the church elders!

Show quote history

Wish we could ❤️ posts.

Coolblur · 09/03/2023 20:13

I don't mean that sex is 'wrong' in anyway, but you clearly don't like the idea of your daughter doing that in your house, and don't trust her not to, so it's your call.
Once she lives with a partner or gets married it would be weird to say no to him staying though

Jourdain11 · 09/03/2023 20:14

Minfilia · 09/03/2023 20:12

Oh, the HORROR!

we must immediately alert the church elders!

Show quote history

If they don't recognise that it's a sin, alerting the church wouldn't help.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 09/03/2023 20:14

Jourdain11 · 09/03/2023 20:11

They're having sex outside of marriage!

Show quote history

😂

Milkand2sugarsplease · 09/03/2023 20:14

I think you're being a little bit silly and prudish about it. She's hardly going to be swinging from the chandeliers under your roof.

Maybe it's time to start to shift your thinking about your daughter and see her as an adult rather than a child.

What age do you think it's appropriate for her to have a bf stay - 20, married, with 2.4 children tagging along...?

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 09/03/2023 20:14

Well if you raise a sinner you get a sinner op. Hopefully she won't be darkening your door for long.

AviMav · 09/03/2023 20:15

RoomOfRequirement · 09/03/2023 20:09

Did she say 'Were going to be having sex in bed'? Or did she say 'Can he stay over as we have an early start?'.

One sounds disrespectful, the other does not, and I'm sure I know which she did.

Even so, having discreet sex in a committed relationship with 2 consenting adults is not disrespectful. She's right you are too old fashioned and I'd want to leave too. And I'm nearing 40!

It's OPS house if she doesn't like the rules let her house share with her BF!

OP doesn't have to allow her DD to have sex in her house. It's not dirty but OP doesn't feel comfortable she shouldn't have to walk on egg shells to please her DD.

LittleDonkeyKong · 09/03/2023 20:15

Clutches pearls!!!
How dare adults sleep in the same bed!
They may have sex, they may not!

PMAmostofthetime · 09/03/2023 20:15

@Safarigiraffe

I was not allowed my partner to stay over until I was 25 I respected this. When he did stay over we had to sleep in separate rooms. I think it's disrespectful to have sex in your parents house and I would feel the same way as you OP.

Nothing old fashioned about it I wouldn't want anyone having sex in my house least of all my own child x

Mixedin · 09/03/2023 20:15

Over reacting
just say don’t embarrass me (or you) in my house.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:15

More the case of them doing whatever in the room next door while we are sleeping which is disrespectful what they do when away is their business but to do it in our house while we are sleeping next door is kind of disrespectful and to actually say to us she’s moving out and to of told her bf isn’t exactly a mature response but I’m intrigued as to why she told the bf

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 09/03/2023 20:16

I never got this me and bf were at it like bunnies at that age, even with parents open door policy in bedroom. We had sex everywhere in house while both parents were in which they didnt realise. But they wouldn't let us share a bed.

dawoosh · 09/03/2023 20:16

They’re adults, doesn’t matter if they’re young or old adults. They’ve got an early flight and they want to get enough rest and it is the only option that makes sense. Why would you make life difficult for her? You’re not treating her as someone of her age and I don’t blame her tbh

KilljoysMakeSomeNoise · 09/03/2023 20:16

Disrespectful? For wanting to stay at the same place before they have a very early start?

Do you really think they'll be shagging all night? Or do you think that maybe they'll get an early night, for sleep, before having to get up for a 4am start.

Even if they were shagging all night how is it disrespectful to you? You've had sex before, you awful person!