DD19 wants BF18 to stay nights

[Safarigiraffe]

Basically DD is going away with her bf for a short break Sunday and as it’s an early 4am leaving house at wants her bf to sleep over. We don’t feel comfortable about it at all as even though they be staying 4 nights away together, to actually sleep together in our house we think is disrespectful as what they do together when away from the house is their business but to sleep together in our house we find it not only uncomfortable but disrespectful as well. Now DD has told the BF but unsure why she did & has said until she goes away she’s not talking to any of us and is gonna move out very soon cos we are apparently too old fashioned and not with the times so are we being old fashioned & not with the times or is DD being unreasonable for wanting bf to sleep round while we are sleeping next door

At what point would you be comfortable with it? When she's married? When she's 30/30/40?

I think you need to get over it tbh, I have a 17yo dd and I'd rather she felt comfortable in her own home than alienate her 🤷‍♀️

@Scottishskifun Don't get me wrong, I'm very open with my kids and we talk about pretty much anything. They can come to me with any situation and I will help them. But I just can't allow lads stopping over in their bed. If they want to go to his house, that's up to them.

@Bepis unless I am misquoting you - in which case I apologise - but are you harping in about old fashioned morals being better; yet you yourself are divorced and had sex before marriage?

@KievsOutTheOven I don't think this topic is relevant for the thread now and it's completely detailing it. My fault as I brought it up.

*derailing

That’s a yes then.

Hilarious level of hypocracy. 🤣

@KievsOutTheOven Does not mean yes at all, it means I don't wish to continue the discussion on the topic because I know what will happen.

I absolutely love a thread where someone asks if they are being unreasonable, get told an overwhelmingly majority yes and then start to disagree with everyone.

What did you ask for? 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’ve just checked and I’m correct.

So it’s okay for you to have sex before marriage and to get divorced, but everyone else (including your own daughters) must follow “old fashioned morals”

What exactly is going to happen if the conversation continues?

@KievsOutTheOven Divorce is permitted in certain circumstances in my religion, but I don't wish to go into those circumstances on here as I don't really want to talk about it.

Anyway, my daughter can do what she likes when she's 18 but there are still rules in my own home. That's just how it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just to jog your memory as you are now being cagey about the truth, since your “old fashioned” values apply only to your daughters and others, not you.

@KievsOutTheOven I just said that my daughter can do what she likes as an adult (as in having sex when not married) as that's non of my business but I don't want it under my roof.

Why is that so hard to understand?

Can't he sleep on the sofa or something?

… but you yourself had sex before marriage - was this just with your second husband or your first one too?

Why do you have different “morals” for your daughters than for yourself?

@KievsOutTheOven Yes I did but I still wasn't allowed to do so in my parents home. It's not different morals at all - dd can do what she likes but I still have rules for my own home - just like my parents did.

You’re being ridiculous and pushing your child away. They’re consenting adults so sex shouldn’t be an issue! Do you never have sex when she’s in the house?

You'll just drive your DD away and spoil your relationship with her. Is that really worth it, to be 'uncomfortable' for just one night? safarigiraffe

What is the actual moral problem with unmarried sex under your roof, given you have also had unmarried sex under your roof?

Genuinely don’t see how anyone could argue with this

it’s YOUR house - you pay the mortgage. What you say goes.

if she doesn’t like your rules maybe it will
motivate her enough to work really hard to be able to have her own career and move out

@shrimp88 I'm really not getting into it anymore. I'm busy looking after my poorly dd in hospital and don't want to be arguing with someone online.

So you had sex outside marriage, in a house you share with your daughter, but your daughter is not allowed to do the same in a house she shares with you? Because it’s “immoral”?

Make it make sense.

@KievsOutTheOven See above post.

Do you have sex in your house when your adult child is in it? Do you consider that to be disrespectful to her?

Your parents weren't being hypocritical to object to unmarried sex under their roof if they waited until marriage themselves. It seems you have different rules for your dds than for yourself and that is hypocritical.

It’s not about the house rules, it’s the fact that the mother is adding a moral value to sex (there is no moral value on sex between consenting adults, by the way) for her children BUT NOT FOR HERSELF. She’s free to have sex with whoever she wants, but it’s immoral for her children to do so.