DD19 wants BF18 to stay nights

[Safarigiraffe]

Basically DD is going away with her bf for a short break Sunday and as it’s an early 4am leaving house at wants her bf to sleep over. We don’t feel comfortable about it at all as even though they be staying 4 nights away together, to actually sleep together in our house we think is disrespectful as what they do together when away from the house is their business but to sleep together in our house we find it not only uncomfortable but disrespectful as well. Now DD has told the BF but unsure why she did & has said until she goes away she’s not talking to any of us and is gonna move out very soon cos we are apparently too old fashioned and not with the times so are we being old fashioned & not with the times or is DD being unreasonable for wanting bf to sleep round while we are sleeping next door

@shrimp88 yeah but at the end of the day, it’s op house and she pays the mortgage so what she says goes - and so her daughter can either like it or lump It
it really is that simple

Don't try to blame other people for the fact that you are arguing with people online on MN instead if looking after your DD is in hospital.

@shrimp88 on that note, I'm leaving the thread now as people will twist anything to suit their own agenda and completely MISS the point I was trying to make.

Anyway, never mind

No one has said she can't do it. That doesn't mean she isn't a hypocrite though.

Oh dear god
great way to chase her away

@shrimp88

are you one of those women who feel you have to say yes to your offsprings every whim or risk alienating them and going no contact and then later have them chucking you in a home when you’re old??

I hope you’re not. You are worth far, far more than that as are the vast majority of mothers

The OPs daughter is over 18 so surely you not allowing a 17 yo to have their partner stay over is irrelevant?

Oh we are resorting to personal insults now? How immoral.

@KievsOutTheOven like I said, take care and have a nice evening

Are you one if those women who thinks adult children must do everything your way regardless of whether your way is considered by most people to be reasonable? Are your unreasonable rules (in must people's opinion) more important than your relationship with your child?

Is your home not considered your daughters home too?

@shrimp88

a) I don’t care what other people think

b) I don’t believe that a parent having rules/boundaries is in any way a threat to the parent child relationship. To the contrary I think it’s a good thing. Respect works both ways.

When you say you don’t care what other people think, do you mean that if everyone you care about disagrees with you on a particular issue you still think you are right and it’s your way or the highway? Respect does work both ways but I would argue that it's only going your way if you think it adult children should follow your “rules” and do everything your way. Do you have actually have adult children yet?

You are being hugely unreasonable. But you know that but do not want to hear or accept it. So will tou and your husband sleep in separate rooms or beds when you visit her in her own home?

It's your house so your rules.
Why not offer the BF to stay over in the spare room?
Or in DD's brother's room?
You must have had a chat about when you would feel comfortable with DD bringing home a partner to share her bed by now. It should not come as a shock that her BF has his own room in your home.