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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD19 wants BF18 to stay nights

442 replies

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:06

Basically DD is going away with her bf for a short break Sunday and as it’s an early 4am leaving house at wants her bf to sleep over. We don’t feel comfortable about it at all as even though they be staying 4 nights away together, to actually sleep together in our house we think is disrespectful as what they do together when away from the house is their business but to sleep together in our house we find it not only uncomfortable but disrespectful as well. Now DD has told the BF but unsure why she did & has said until she goes away she’s not talking to any of us and is gonna move out very soon cos we are apparently too old fashioned and not with the times so are we being old fashioned & not with the times or is DD being unreasonable for wanting bf to sleep round while we are sleeping next door

OP posts:
MadKittenWoman · 09/03/2023 20:41

FFS, not this again.

JassyRadlett · 09/03/2023 20:41

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:39

We haven’t said the bf can’t come round when they do they are upstairs sometimes with door open sometimes with door closed but it’s a totally different thing for them to sleep together while we are sleeping next door while they may or may not have sex, some parents are ok with that but we are not ok with that

Just as well she moves out then isn't it?

confessionstoday · 09/03/2023 20:42

I wouldn't worry sounds like she will be moving out very soon anyway.
And having lots of sex. She's 19 ffs

Cornelious2011 · 09/03/2023 20:42

They are adults and they're going away together. Why not have an adult convo with your dd about the fact you don't want to hear them shagging?

pointythings · 09/03/2023 20:42

Well, it's your house, your rules. So it's your choice. Your choice is likely to have negative consequences for your relationship with your DD.

Yes, I think you're being ridiculous, and so are all the God-botherers on this thread.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 09/03/2023 20:42

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:39

We haven’t said the bf can’t come round when they do they are upstairs sometimes with door open sometimes with door closed but it’s a totally different thing for them to sleep together while we are sleeping next door while they may or may not have sex, some parents are ok with that but we are not ok with that

But you are wrong.

Alargeoneplease89 · 09/03/2023 20:43

Maybe she would be horrified at the thought of you hearing her having sex and actually just wants him to sleepover and not "Netflix and chill". Unless she has form, I don't think you are being very reasonable.

TitoMojito · 09/03/2023 20:43

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:39

We haven’t said the bf can’t come round when they do they are upstairs sometimes with door open sometimes with door closed but it’s a totally different thing for them to sleep together while we are sleeping next door while they may or may not have sex, some parents are ok with that but we are not ok with that

Right. And your daughter feels that's unfair and wants to move out so that she can be an adult and have some freedom. That's all there is to this, really.

Nightlystroll · 09/03/2023 20:44

I was brought up not to have boyfriends staying overnight. And I didn't allow my children to do it either. She's not very mature if she flounces around, threatening not to speak to people so that would make me even more comfortable with my decision.
In the situation you describe, though, I'd probably let the boyfriend stay over but not in her room.

Hawkins003 · 09/03/2023 20:44

Of your only ment to wait till your married until you do the dance with no pants, then what if your partner has no skill in love making ?

Iyjd · 09/03/2023 20:44

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:15

More the case of them doing whatever in the room next door while we are sleeping which is disrespectful what they do when away is their business but to do it in our house while we are sleeping next door is kind of disrespectful and to actually say to us she’s moving out and to of told her bf isn’t exactly a mature response but I’m intrigued as to why she told the bf

She probably told the boyfriend he could stay over because it’s better than him turning up to stay over. She is also in a relationship with him, I discuss things with my partner, don’t you?

JessicaBrassica · 09/03/2023 20:44

Your house, your rules.
Do you allow unmarried friends of yours to stay?
Ultimately they are two adults in a relationship. At which point would you not find them sleeping together disrespectful? After 1yr? 5? After they have children?

Nightlystroll · 09/03/2023 20:44

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 09/03/2023 20:42

But you are wrong.

Show quote history

In your opinion.

Nsnsjsisjs · 09/03/2023 20:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request

TitoMojito · 09/03/2023 20:45

Hawkins003 · 09/03/2023 20:44

Of your only ment to wait till your married until you do the dance with no pants, then what if your partner has no skill in love making ?

"Do the dance with no pants" oh I'm stealing that one Grin

Ragwort · 09/03/2023 20:46

Your house ... your rules ... he can sleep on the sofa or in a spare room. If your DD is sulking over the decision then she is not being very mature or respectful is she? I have a young adult DS and, thankfully, he has never asked if he can invite a GF to stay the night. He probably knows what the answer would be ... or accept that a guest stays in the guest room.

You read so many threads on here about GFs/BFs moving in by stealth ... state your ground rules and don't apologise for them.

Housefullofcatsandkids · 09/03/2023 20:46

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:15

More the case of them doing whatever in the room next door while we are sleeping which is disrespectful what they do when away is their business but to do it in our house while we are sleeping next door is kind of disrespectful and to actually say to us she’s moving out and to of told her bf isn’t exactly a mature response but I’m intrigued as to why she told the bf

Just because they are sharing a bed doesn't mean they will be having sex anyway. Even less likely of they have an early flight.
If she moved away and you stayed at her house would you expect separate bedrooms for you and your husband?

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 09/03/2023 20:46

@Safarigiraffe if she moves out and lives with her boyfriend but they come to visit you one evening, would you really stop this established, living together couple from sharing a bed?

If not, how is them spending the nigiri together now any different?

Hobbi · 09/03/2023 20:46

YABVVU with your phobia of full stops. I'm out of breath.

Hawkins003 · 09/03/2023 20:47

TitoMojito · 09/03/2023 20:45

"Do the dance with no pants" oh I'm stealing that one Grin

Show quote history

Your most welcome.

Darkstar4855 · 09/03/2023 20:48

Presumably you don’t have sex when your kids are in the house then, as that would be disrespectful to them 🙄

MynameisJune · 09/03/2023 20:48

You’ll be back in 8-10 years OP asking why your DD doesn’t visit with your grandkids and you can’t understand why…..

HaggisBurger · 09/03/2023 20:49

Jimboscott0115 · 09/03/2023 20:40

They've probably had sex in your bed when you've been out OP, I wouldn't worry about it 😂

Lol!

I am breathless reading your posts OP. Your horror has made you forgo all full stops / periods.

lottie198 · 09/03/2023 20:49

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:15

More the case of them doing whatever in the room next door while we are sleeping which is disrespectful what they do when away is their business but to do it in our house while we are sleeping next door is kind of disrespectful and to actually say to us she’s moving out and to of told her bf isn’t exactly a mature response but I’m intrigued as to why she told the bf

Why is it disrespectful? They are two consenting adults? They probably wouldn't dare do it anyway as they know how you feel about it.

Ragwort · 09/03/2023 20:49

House I would be delighted to have separate bedrooms .. but I guess that's not the answer you want ... staying in someone else's cramped spare guest bed with my DH is my idea of hell Grin.