Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD19 wants BF18 to stay nights

442 replies

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:06

Basically DD is going away with her bf for a short break Sunday and as it’s an early 4am leaving house at wants her bf to sleep over. We don’t feel comfortable about it at all as even though they be staying 4 nights away together, to actually sleep together in our house we think is disrespectful as what they do together when away from the house is their business but to sleep together in our house we find it not only uncomfortable but disrespectful as well. Now DD has told the BF but unsure why she did & has said until she goes away she’s not talking to any of us and is gonna move out very soon cos we are apparently too old fashioned and not with the times so are we being old fashioned & not with the times or is DD being unreasonable for wanting bf to sleep round while we are sleeping next door

OP posts:
Peekingovertheparapet · 09/03/2023 20:27

The 1950s called. They want you and your ridiculously outdated views back.

YABVVU

moonpixel · 09/03/2023 20:27

If you can explain what you think is disrespectful?

Macaroni46 · 09/03/2023 20:27

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:15

More the case of them doing whatever in the room next door while we are sleeping which is disrespectful what they do when away is their business but to do it in our house while we are sleeping next door is kind of disrespectful and to actually say to us she’s moving out and to of told her bf isn’t exactly a mature response but I’m intrigued as to why she told the bf

But why is it disrespectful? Is sex a sin? Your poor daughter. You're driving her away and quite honestly, you're being ridiculous.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 09/03/2023 20:28

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:15

More the case of them doing whatever in the room next door while we are sleeping which is disrespectful what they do when away is their business but to do it in our house while we are sleeping next door is kind of disrespectful and to actually say to us she’s moving out and to of told her bf isn’t exactly a mature response but I’m intrigued as to why she told the bf

Why is your daughter doing what you did to bring her into this world disrespectful? Wonderful cognitive dissonance there @Safarigiraffe

(apart from the fact they probably won’t shag if they’ve got to get up early doors).

JudgeRudy · 09/03/2023 20:30

Coolblur · 09/03/2023 20:11

It's your house so you get to decide who sleeps there. She should respect that, but she sounds pretty immature from her response, which makes me think you're right as it is likely they would do whatever they fancy in bed without any regard for the you in the next room, and not just sleep there for convenience due to the early start.
Maybe when she grows up a bit you could reconsider if you want to, hopefully she will move out and you'll no longer have to worry about it

Where do you get immaturity from? Do you really think they would plan to do exactly as they want? Hardly. Might they have a sneaky quickly? Maybe, but who care as long as its quiet.
Yes, I guess it's their house and their rules and she's said she doesn't want to abide by such strictness so she's gonna get her own place. It's a shame because at 19 I wouldn't imagine she earns much or has a lot of savings. This is gonna make home ownership a dream but if the parents aren't prepared to compromise she has no choice.

Slight aside, but lm curious how the parents have sex with gheir daughter around.

MyMumsOnMN · 09/03/2023 20:32

Beetie1 · 09/03/2023 20:22

OP are you never disrespectful and have sex in the next room whilst your DD is sleeping?

Of course she isn't. She only had sex to make her daughter.

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 09/03/2023 20:33

Sorry OP but you are being ridiculous. She's an adult and this is either her home or it isn't. If it is, of course she should have her boyfriend over and it's not your concern. If it isn't, you need to tell her that so she can make alternative arrangements

Lancasterel · 09/03/2023 20:33

What’s disrespectful? I don’t get it.

CantStopWontStop0 · 09/03/2023 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

elm26 · 09/03/2023 20:34

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:15

More the case of them doing whatever in the room next door while we are sleeping which is disrespectful what they do when away is their business but to do it in our house while we are sleeping next door is kind of disrespectful and to actually say to us she’s moving out and to of told her bf isn’t exactly a mature response but I’m intrigued as to why she told the bf

Oh for gods sake 😂 I would be looking to leave asap too if this was your attitude towards me as a 19 year old adult daughter.

She's asked if he can stay as they have an early start, why have you even assumed it's about sex? Why are you thinking about your adult daughters sex life? It's weird.

If she was making your walls bang and screaming I'd understand but Jesus, give the girl a break.

JudgeRudy · 09/03/2023 20:35

Jourdain11 · 09/03/2023 20:11

They're having sex outside of marriage!

Show quote history

What? OK lets rephrase the question....who is being disrespected? Are there still people in the UK who really believe sex is just for married couples? They must be a very small minority.

Florenz · 09/03/2023 20:35

Would your daughter want to have sex with her parents in the next room?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 09/03/2023 20:35

What age will be old enough? I think at 19 it’s perfectly normal to have your boyfriend stay over so if she can’t do that in the house she lives in where else is she supposed to, it makes sense that she wants to move out.
If she moves away and wants to visit with her boyfriend will you say he can’t come?

CountZacular · 09/03/2023 20:36

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:15

More the case of them doing whatever in the room next door while we are sleeping which is disrespectful what they do when away is their business but to do it in our house while we are sleeping next door is kind of disrespectful and to actually say to us she’s moving out and to of told her bf isn’t exactly a mature response but I’m intrigued as to why she told the bf

Is it equally disrespectful for you and your husband to have sex in the room next to your DD?

Will it continue to be disrespectful when/if she is married, or will she not be allowed her husband round to stay?

TitoMojito · 09/03/2023 20:36

I’m intrigued as to why she told the bf

Presumably she told him she would ask if he could stay at yours, then told him he couldn't because you said no, he asked why, and she told him. Don’t exactly need Poirot for this one.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 09/03/2023 20:38

This isn't serious surely?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 09/03/2023 20:38

Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:15

More the case of them doing whatever in the room next door while we are sleeping which is disrespectful what they do when away is their business but to do it in our house while we are sleeping next door is kind of disrespectful and to actually say to us she’s moving out and to of told her bf isn’t exactly a mature response but I’m intrigued as to why she told the bf

If they have to get up at 4 on the morning, chances are they will want to sleep beforehand rather than anything else.

why was her telling her boyfriend strange, surely she had to.

Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 09/03/2023 20:39

Jourdain11 · 09/03/2023 20:18

Ultimately, God is in judgement over all of us and when we get to St Peter's Gate, we'll learn what that judgement will be!

Show quote history

😂😂😂😂
Please piss off back to the victorian times if you're for real 😂😂😂

Op of course its not disrespectful to want to make an early flight easier and less stressful. Your daughter is an adult. I'd say you won't miss her much when she moves out judging by your comments here.

JudgeRudy · 09/03/2023 20:39

PMAmostofthetime · 09/03/2023 20:15

@Safarigiraffe

I was not allowed my partner to stay over until I was 25 I respected this. When he did stay over we had to sleep in separate rooms. I think it's disrespectful to have sex in your parents house and I would feel the same way as you OP.

Nothing old fashioned about it I wouldn't want anyone having sex in my house least of all my own child x

What about you. Do you have sex with other family members (l assume) in the house?

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 09/03/2023 20:39

We haven’t said the bf can’t come round when they do they are upstairs sometimes with door open sometimes with door closed but it’s a totally different thing for them to sleep together while we are sleeping next door while they may or may not have sex, some parents are ok with that but we are not ok with that

OP posts:
Mumofazoo · 09/03/2023 20:39

Jourdain11 · 09/03/2023 20:14

If they don't recognise that it's a sin, alerting the church wouldn't help.

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jimboscott0115 · 09/03/2023 20:40

They've probably had sex in your bed when you've been out OP, I wouldn't worry about it 😂

ExtraOnions · 09/03/2023 20:40

I would just say “yes he can stay, but no shenanigans, as we are only next door”

AverageJoan · 09/03/2023 20:40

OP, why have you posted in AIBU when you clearly don't think that you are despite what most others have said?

cormorant5 · 09/03/2023 20:41

Jourdain11 · 09/03/2023 20:11

They're having sex outside of marriage!

Show quote history

Does it become 'right' just because many indulge.