Page 3 | to take time off work to visit my husband

MiniTheMinx · 2023-03-08T22:08:21+00:00

On Tuesday I had to call an ambulance to my husband. He was delirious and his leg was turning purple. He was taken to hospital. I didn't go with him, I discovered him at home in this state when I returned from work. The dog hadn't been out, the DC hadn't eaten. This morning I went to work......again. Is it unreasonable to request time off?

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/03/2023 23:53

justgettingthroughtheday · 08/03/2023 23:51

Woah!!! Hang on guys stop being so horrid! The OP is clearly in shock!! No she may not be acting rationally but thats because she is in shock!!!
How about being supportive and helpful rather than judgemental bitches!

Who are you, the resident Mumsnet Doctor?

Even if your internet diagnosis is correct, there's no way her adult DC should have sat on their arses while mummy fed them and walked the dog.

ItsShiela · 08/03/2023 23:54

Don't you have sick days in the UK? Can't you just take a sickie?

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 08/03/2023 23:55

Agreed @MrsDoylesDoily

I try not to do this but can you imagine if this was the reverse, and OP was posting that she was in hospital but her husband had left her with no pants, not visited, not even rung just texted once, and whilst the ambulance was coming instead of helping her, had made dinner for the other adults?

justgettingthroughtheday · 08/03/2023 23:56

@MrsDoylesDoily
Who am I? I'm a decent fucking human being unlike the rest of the nasty vipers on this thread! You should be ashamed of yourself!

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 08/03/2023 23:57

The work thing is surely a red herring. You finished at 6.30 tonight and you didn’t go and visit?!

nor did OP even pack him a bag whilst the ambulance was coming- she made dinner.

Magenta82 · 08/03/2023 23:59

You need to take time off and go visit your husband.
Your adult children need to help you, it doesn't matter if it's not their dog or dad, you're their mum and need help.
Your poor DH needs help.and I can't understand why you haven't gone to him.

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/03/2023 23:59

justgettingthroughtheday · 08/03/2023 23:56

@MrsDoylesDoily
Who am I? I'm a decent fucking human being unlike the rest of the nasty vipers on this thread! You should be ashamed of yourself!

Oh calm down keyboard warrior.

The OP and her 'D'C have behaved disgustingly. Her DH and their dad has been in hospital since yesterday and no-one's even bothered to bring him in a toothbrush.

If you think that's a decent way to behave, I hope your family never end up in hospital.

whistledowntheway · 09/03/2023 00:00

MiniTheMinx · 08/03/2023 23:03

I don't know, I think I was just on auto pilot. I just dealt with ringing an ambulance, rang 999 and then went downstairs and started cooking. Ambulance arrived just as dinner was cooked. I don't know why I didn't drop everything and go.

I agree I think DCs should take up some slack. They can feed themselves. I've just carried on as normal today, working, over time, walk dog, cook.....

I've text DH. He's being moved to a ward soon.

I don't know if it's reasonable to ask for time off. He has nothing with him.

He's been in hospital for over 24 hours and you've not been able to visit to drop off what he needs because you've been coming home to feed your adult sons? This doesn't make sense. They should be cooking for you! You could be going straight to the hospital from work

misssunshine4040 · 09/03/2023 00:00

MiniTheMinx · 08/03/2023 23:03

I don't know, I think I was just on auto pilot. I just dealt with ringing an ambulance, rang 999 and then went downstairs and started cooking. Ambulance arrived just as dinner was cooked. I don't know why I didn't drop everything and go.

I agree I think DCs should take up some slack. They can feed themselves. I've just carried on as normal today, working, over time, walk dog, cook.....

I've text DH. He's being moved to a ward soon.

I don't know if it's reasonable to ask for time off. He has nothing with him.

Wow!!! This is unbelievable! You called 999 for your husband and then went to cook dinner for your adult kids?
Your husband has nothing with him in hospital etc and you didn't even go with him?
Why are you asking if you can take time off work for a family emergency?
Bizzare! Stop acting like a passenger in your own life and take some control

MarshaMelrose · 09/03/2023 00:02

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 08/03/2023 23:51

@MarshaMelrose

presumably the sons learnt their compassion skills from their mother.

I feel a bit sorry for the op, really. Sometimes you get in a panic and then a daze and priorities get twisted. And she's only just started at the job so she feels uncertain and insecure there.

Op, I'd say, put what's happened behind you, pack his stuff, ring work in the morning and say you've been called into hospital.
You can't change the past so move forward from now. And give those two well-fed, lazy darlings of yours a kick up the arse and tell them they're responsible for shopping, cooking, cleaning and dog duty for the foreseeable. Time for them to step up.

PlinkPlonkFizz · 09/03/2023 00:02

I don't believe the OP, nobody could leave their partner high and dry to cook for two adults who probably use takeaways regularly.

ItsShiela · 09/03/2023 00:03

Is this thread for real? Working at a place you don't get lunch breaks (that's illegal, so I don't buy that), her adult sons saw their step dad like that, and didn't think to call an ambulance? Couldn't get tea started for them mum? The OP has raised useless, worthless, lazy and selfish spoiled brats. Lets hope they never marry because they'll be no use to their wife (or husband).

ItsShiela · 09/03/2023 00:04

*their mum not them mum

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 09/03/2023 00:05

@MarshaMelrose

I feel a bit sorry for the op, really. Sometimes you get in a panic and then a daze and priorities get twisted. And she's only just started at the job so she feels uncertain and insecure there

I understand this bit, but I don’t see how that’s related to the fact she hasn’t even taken the guy a toothbrush!

Original poster

MiniTheMinx · 09/03/2023 00:05

PlinkPlonkFizz · 09/03/2023 00:02

I don't believe the OP, nobody could leave their partner high and dry to cook for two adults who probably use takeaways regularly.

It's real. I couldn't lie to my manager and say I'd been called into the hospital. Why would I lie here?

OP posts:

TiaraBoo · 09/03/2023 00:08

Say you’ve been called in to give him a bag of stuff

HassleTheHoff · 09/03/2023 00:08

Pakc your husbands bag tonight and tell your manager first thing you need to go see your husband tomorrow, so you won't be in.

Eyerollcentral · 09/03/2023 00:10

Surely your employer will give you compassionate leave for a couple of days? If not self very for five days and go off sick.

whynotwhatknot · 09/03/2023 00:11

i get you might have been in shock yesterday but why didnt you get up this morning phone in and say you cant come in your husband is ill in hpsital and go see him?

Quitelikeacatslife · 09/03/2023 00:11

Your manager is not a nice person . You also need to be more assertive. Ring tomorrow morning and tell her you will be in as soon as you can because you have to go to the hospital. It's really simple . If she asks if hospital asked you to go you don't have to answer, just say I need to go, I'll make time up later. No decent employer would mind.
Have you been in contact with DH? Does he have phone? Charger? What was wrong with him. You need to get up there asap.
Wake up OP, you are in a daze .

Original poster

MiniTheMinx · 09/03/2023 00:13

MarshaMelrose · 09/03/2023 00:02

I feel a bit sorry for the op, really. Sometimes you get in a panic and then a daze and priorities get twisted. And she's only just started at the job so she feels uncertain and insecure there.

Op, I'd say, put what's happened behind you, pack his stuff, ring work in the morning and say you've been called into hospital.
You can't change the past so move forward from now. And give those two well-fed, lazy darlings of yours a kick up the arse and tell them they're responsible for shopping, cooking, cleaning and dog duty for the foreseeable. Time for them to step up.

Show quote history

Thank you.

I have only just started this job. Previous to this I was so badly bullied at work I couldn't work for months. A colleague assaulted a client, and because this was reported to me (responsible for safeguarding) he threatened me. I left. Broken. Husband wasn't particularly supportive. I have worked with LAC, seen so much abuse, trauma, self harm and had to just remain calm. I think I am broken a bit, I didn't react like my husband was family. I knew what was needed in the moment from me, did that. Handed him over and just carried on as normal.....just as I would at work :(

Its only this evening I've really reflected on it. I'm tired, and I'm worried, and I miss him.

OP posts:

Codlingmoths · 09/03/2023 00:16

you do have to go to the hospital because your husband needs you. Next morning email manager ‘I need to go to the hospital this morning, I’m not sure what time I can be at work. If it’s too tricky to have me in and out I can take a few days carers leave if you prefer? Thanks for your understanding.

thats 100% true and you’ve given them a choice- you can work when you can fit it in, or you can take leave as you navigate a personal emergency.

Original poster

MiniTheMinx · 09/03/2023 00:20

Quitelikeacatslife it's strange, up until a few hours ago I thought my manager was quite nice. But I agree with you. When I think about how I would have responded I know I would have sent someone home. I told her what had happened and that I didn't know yet exactly where he was or what was wrong, she said "let me know if the hospital ask you to go" that was it. She knows as well as I do the hospital won't chase up relatives anymore.

OP posts:

Eyerollcentral · 09/03/2023 00:22

MiniTheMinx · 09/03/2023 00:20

Quitelikeacatslife it's strange, up until a few hours ago I thought my manager was quite nice. But I agree with you. When I think about how I would have responded I know I would have sent someone home. I told her what had happened and that I didn't know yet exactly where he was or what was wrong, she said "let me know if the hospital ask you to go" that was it. She knows as well as I do the hospital won't chase up relatives anymore.

But you don’t need her permission. Just go off sick tomorrow with stress for a week.

GrandTheftWalrus · 09/03/2023 00:22

My DH was rushed into hospital last year (I have a thread) and I went up in another ambulance following him. I was there for 5hrs, went home and 1st thing I done next day was phone icu and see how he was, was told he was awake and I could see him that day, so I went on a 3hr round train ride to see him for 45 mins.

Phoned following morning to be told he was back in an induced coma due to pneumonia and I asked his doctor should I go and see him, they said no as he was unconscious. So I phoned twice a day every day until I could speak to him, our DDs were 5 and 1. They were at my parents but they had to come home and then when they woke him I couldn't get to hospital as no children allowed in icu and my parents couldn't take them. But I spoke to him on ward phone then I managed to take him things he needed and his mobile etc.

I only didn't visit because they said not to but they were told to phone me at any minute if any change and that's why my parents had the kids. Also I was in no state to even feed myself never mind the kids and they are small not bloody adults!!