Forced fun

[Floofydawg]

Here's the situation - am an over 50 woman in a wider team where I am the oldest. Most are in their 30's. We have a team day in the office in a couple of weeks and a meal has been arranged for after work, at our own expense. Not ideal but I'll go along and be a team player. Where my issue is, is that there's an activity after the meal which has been arranged which I've declined to go to as 1. it's not my thing and 2. it's all at own expense and quite frankly I don't want to spend money on something I don't want to do. The person organising has put pressure on me multiple times to attend the activity, this morning in front of the wider team on a call. This has really put my back up to the point I said I've already told you am coming for the meal but not interested in the activity so will be leaving after dinner.

AIBU and not a team player? Honestly sometimes I just think I'm too old for this shit and I can't be bothered. Am sure they all think I'm a grumpy old cow but am past caring.

Good for you, I hate this kind of shit. We have an annual overnight event and I don't think anyone enjoys the 'team building' bollocks on day 1. They are all there for the piss up after. And it's fully funded, no way would I pay for it!

They are being completely unreasonable, it's on your own time, your own money, and you've even said you'll come to the meal. Is it by any chance an escape room?

I'm in my 30s and agree with you. I'd rather poke myself in the eye than participate in organised 'fun' that leaves me out of pocket and full of dread. This doesn't mean you're not a 'team player', and its unreasonable of them to pressurise you into revaluating your priorities outside of your contracted work hours. YANBU.

YANBU. But I would have just lied and said I had other plans after dinner.

You are NBU and the numpty on the group call trying to shame you into joining the activity needs reeling in.

that's sucky, OP. At least where i work this kind of thing is all on the company dollar.

I'd just keep saying "no thank you, I'll be going home after the meal" (or is it something you could watch? would you want to?) and don't give reasons or excuses. If it happens in front of the team again? Say "i've already told you that i won't be going. Stop pushing. That's not a good example to set younger colleagues."

If the person organising isn't your boss, tell boss to call off the attack dog as you think that doing it like that in front of the team is borderline bullying.

My line manager is a bit guilty of this type of nonsense, I usually just suck it up but we have some team members who flatly refuse to take part, I don’t think anyone thinks badly of them, you’re not doing anything wrong and the organiser is being a dick trying to shame you into going.

Not Escape Rooms, no. But something equally wanky.

Yanbu. If the co wants team building, it's in their time and at their expense.

A team meal is a bit different, but I wouldn't go to an activity either.

This. Wot @MintJulia said.

YANBU. I work in the public sector so no funded Christmas parties or the like, and whilst I like the people I work with, I don't really want to pay to go for meals and stuff with them when I can't afford to do that with people who are actually my friends. Definitely wouldn't pay for an activity I didn't even want to do either! Could you say something has come up and you can't make any of it now?

I wouldn't go to any work things. I saw enough of them when I was at work, I didn't need to be seeing them in my own time as well, when I could be spending time with my own family. Especially paying out for it as well. Bollocks to that.

Is it Axe throwing everybody is chucking axes around these days.

Yanbu of course you shouldn't have to go or feel obliged stick to your guns, and

the next working day start saying we'll that sounds awful I'm glad I didn't go 😀

I think you are putting yourself out going for a meal you have to pay for. Bollocis to that. Work is work that's all. Your time is your own

I think it's fine to say you don't want to do it. If their reaction is bothering, you could (in future if this happens again) give the excuse of having other plans that you can't change - but there's absolutely no reason for you to owe them an excuse.

I prob wouldn't have gone to the meal either!

I would look them dead in the eye and say loudly in a serious ‘Do you not understand what the word no means?’. If they continue tell them to and google ‘coercion’. No MN tinkly laugh.

I'd point out the cost of living crisis and tell them they should not be shaming and forcing people to attend and pay for un-necessary luxuries

It’s not in my budget this month but you guys have fun. Repeat until your brain bursts

If she keeps on about it, especially in front of others, say “Sally, this isn’t a compulsory event and I’ve already told you I’m not attending the <name of wanky activity>. Will you please stop trying to harass me into going?
Use of the H word might sink in. That’s exactly what she’s doing and it’s something a person can get into trouble for in the workplace.

Is it axe throwing?

Massively out of order and hugely unprofessional to pressure you in front of people! That would fuck me right off.

If you are asked again, tell the person to 'stop behaving like Dominic Raab'. Make it clear that declining once should be enough.

Is it Axe throwing everybody is chucking axes around these days

Yes. The new trend. Or going into a room to smash up old electrical equipment for stress relief.

My local city also has an adult only games place. Air hockey etc. Like a youth club but with alcohol.

I wouldn't even be going for the meal if I was expected to pay.

If companies want people to attend team building activities then they need to do them in work-time or reimburse you for costs etc.

I'm another who wouldn't be going to a works meal that I had to pay for. Then off to some daft activity you are also made to pay for? Fuck that. I would report this person to HR if they dared mention this again. The fucking cheek of this person is unbelievable.