Forced fun

[Floofydawg]

Here's the situation - am an over 50 woman in a wider team where I am the oldest. Most are in their 30's. We have a team day in the office in a couple of weeks and a meal has been arranged for after work, at our own expense. Not ideal but I'll go along and be a team player. Where my issue is, is that there's an activity after the meal which has been arranged which I've declined to go to as 1. it's not my thing and 2. it's all at own expense and quite frankly I don't want to spend money on something I don't want to do. The person organising has put pressure on me multiple times to attend the activity, this morning in front of the wider team on a call. This has really put my back up to the point I said I've already told you am coming for the meal but not interested in the activity so will be leaving after dinner.

AIBU and not a team player? Honestly sometimes I just think I'm too old for this shit and I can't be bothered. Am sure they all think I'm a grumpy old cow but am past caring.

Go up and pay for your own food separately towards the end and then leave and say your goodbyes before the bill arrives. Add a tip based on how much you spent.

That’s madness OP! Work team activities should be in work time at work expense. If it’s a sociable activity it should be optional and the organiser should work hard to ensure everyone would enjoy the event. It’s hardly team-building if you’re out of pocket AND don’t enjoy it.

Very poor form from your team manager. So much for ED&I … next time you’re called out on it, say it doesn’t meet standard for diversity and inclusion and watch them all squirm and scramble.

Absolutely no need to lie.

It's the OP's own time and money.

It's something boring and unimaginative like bowling or laser quest I would imagine.

I also wouldn't do an escape room with colleagues if I was paid £50 do it.

I HATE this forced fun shit and it’s just extra work. YANBU.

I bet we end up splitting the bill and I end up subsidising their booze.

I would just pay for what I had and they can split the rest of the bill between them.

Option B: go straight home from work with a migraine?

I am a joiner inner, but there are some things I would just put my foot down about, and I will not be guilt tripped into going.

I cba with "team building bollocks" at the best of times even if it's funded. It always gives the biggest gobshite a podium to pontificate.

If it was coming out my own pocket I'd rather drink bleach than attend some shite that I'm not interested in.

I'm past giving a fuck if it's classed as not being a team player. I like what I like and I spend my time with who I like, it's really that simple.

Team building bollocks can be fun, done well (and on work time)
However. I'm nearing the end of my working life, and i used to be in the Military so... I just say "nope". I have done enough team building to populate the entire EFL and i don't see the point any more.

I won't share a room either. And i don't mind about annoying bosses, because - meh

I hate these events with a passion, always have!! Was 'forced' into one a few months back, during the working day, paid for. A lot of it was physical activities that I'm physically not fit to do, so I just didn't take part.

We did this thing of passing a hoop round a circle of people without handling it. We had to fucking hold hands!! I ended up holding hands with the manager who bullied me so badly I had several months off work!!! Couldn't wait to wash my hands!!

Not in the evening though - not a chance in hell. It's more than enough working with the feckers.

As others have suggested, get up and pay for your own meal/drinks before the end and then leave promptly. I’m in the same age bracket and not a chance in hell I’d be paying to attend an evening meal on my own time with other staff, although I do enjoy a good pub quiz.

Having seen a senior manager make an absolute arse of himself after getting drunk at a works ‘do’ when I was in my twenties, I also never drink alcohol at any work function. I used to attend the extravagant Christmas dinners because work paid and I was a manager with a team, but I’d leave as soon as possible afterwards. Boundaries are very important to me!

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.
Honestly, just duck out of the whole charade.
I too am too old for this shit. If they persist, tell them they are not taking account of your diverse needs.

Yanbu. If the co wants team building, it's in their time and at their expense.

^^ THIS

Axe throwing is so fun though!! We’ve been twice as a family and it’s so satisfying when you get one in. The second place we went did knife and axe throwing so even better 😆 🔪 🎯

My poor sister, in mid-50s, gets this crap too. Like you, she stands firm. Pressure used to be called bullying.

Well done. Don't be bullied into going either. I'm sure some people are very jealous of you for not going and probably wish they'd had more backbone too!

I wouldn't go to the meal either , even if the company was paying

Work is work and out of work time i don't want anything to do with it

I said no to this stuff in my 20s because it's not fun. It's fine to say no, @Floofydawg.

'Do you honestly think it's a good idea to arm a menopausal woman with an axe?'

I'm not a fan of mandatory fun even when the company pays. Pressuring me into mandatory fun at my own expense is a non starter. I too am a bit older than my team, and settled with husband and kids. I have things to do after work. Extending my work day to have dinner and then some activity I don't even enjoy......yeah that's not happening, especially if I have to pay.

Ax throwing is a thing?????

I wouldn't even go to the meal tbh.

I actually did axe throwing a couple of years back when the company paid. I was monumentally shit at it. I've had years of this bollocks, and the company used to pay. But now budgets are being cut.

I'd probably maim someone. 😂 my dds and partners go to a local place and they love it

I LOATHE team building bollocks, you can't force people to be get along, it has to happen organically.

Don't feel guilty about it - at yourself. You can publicly accuse him of being the type of man that doesn't understand that when a woman says "no" she means "no" - ask him if this is how he treats all the women in his private life. You shouldn't have to feel awkward about this at all - tell him no and tell him not to pressurise you out all you again otherwise it will lead to a formal complaint.

Don't feel obliged to give a reason either.

I'm almost at your (st)age, and I see this sort of situation differently.

You're setting an example that people in their 20s and 30s will remember when they get to their 50s.

If you forced yourself to do this, they'd know that this is what is expected. You just have to do pointless, unnecessary, expensive stuff as part of the job.

You are there to show them the obvious, common sense reality which is that: no. You don't have to. It's all BS and unrelated to the actual work.

Boundaries, it's all about boundaries. Oddly, the 20-something year olds looooove boundaries. You've probably got cheerleaders somewhere.