Forced fun

[Floofydawg]

Here's the situation - am an over 50 woman in a wider team where I am the oldest. Most are in their 30's. We have a team day in the office in a couple of weeks and a meal has been arranged for after work, at our own expense. Not ideal but I'll go along and be a team player. Where my issue is, is that there's an activity after the meal which has been arranged which I've declined to go to as 1. it's not my thing and 2. it's all at own expense and quite frankly I don't want to spend money on something I don't want to do. The person organising has put pressure on me multiple times to attend the activity, this morning in front of the wider team on a call. This has really put my back up to the point I said I've already told you am coming for the meal but not interested in the activity so will be leaving after dinner.

AIBU and not a team player? Honestly sometimes I just think I'm too old for this shit and I can't be bothered. Am sure they all think I'm a grumpy old cow but am past caring.

If its self funded and outside work hours its not mandatory. I am not or ever have been an attender or supporter of self funded out of work hours "team" activities and I ended up managing teams.

!00% this. Just another box ticking exercise, another stat - oh look what a good employer we are - while people are either voting with their feet or going off suffering from stress.

I am in my late 30s and I hate this rubbish - my managers are late 40s but the admin in my team are mid 20s and office is mostly 20s so there is ALWAYS stuff going on! As you said - I tend to agree to the meals on occasion but all the after drinks etc I skip - have been moaned at by my manager. But it’s expensive, means I commute home in the dark on my own quite a distance and also I want to get home to my toddler!
Even I feel too old for this sh*t - it does annoy me when everyone is made to all agree, not taking into consideration some people are introverts and don’t like to go out, some people earn a lot less or have conditions that make them tired so extra long days is too much! We are all adults - just let us decide yes or no and leave it at that!

I wouldn't be going to the meal either, even if the company were paying. It will be dull as dishwater and if they carried on pestering I would tell them that.

Personally I don't mind going to lunch occasionally with colleagues, but I'm not obligated. I'm happy to go if work is paying. If not, I decide what my money's spent on, not them. I've abstained from many Christmas events, choosing to have the day off instead; fortunately they seem fine with that, not that it matters. Don't be bullied into going, and attending this activity afterwards. Chances are they'll drink the restaurant dry and expect to split the bill. I've developed a f**k off attitude as I've got older, it comes in very useful!

Bearing in mind that managers earn more than we mere staff, maybe they'd like to encourage our attendance to pub sessions by footing the bill. Or not. Sounds like another f**k off opportunity.

Places I've worked, if you don't go the lunch, you have to stay in the office!!!

You just reminded me, very senior, highly paid boss years back, got redundancy package and left. Invited the team to lunch some time later. We all thought that it was nice of him to treat us, though unchararacteristic. Bill arrived, he goes, "how are we working this out?" 😂

Wowza. I haven’t worked in that kind of job in a long while. Back in the far reaches of the day, if it was company funded then it was expected that people would go. Depending on the company and my age at the time, some I loved and some I dreaded. If not company funded, then it depended on who wanted to go.

You came up with a good compromise here, which you didn’t have to. You are not the one being unreasonable!!

Team building ... oh dear, me too. I have a bit of a phobia about eating in public - I panic at the thought of it. And yes, these 'team building events' coerce me into doing something that I wouldn't ever choose for myself. The only reason I do it is that there are annual reviews and the perception of a person as a 'team player' is formed by how we all mix ... I have found countless excuses but I hate being put in this position! Sympathy.