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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants to organise baby's first birthday party

238 replies

Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 21:57

Wondering if I'm being unreasonable or not.

My baby is turning 1 soon. I wanted to maybe take him to the farm in the morning and then rent a softplay centre for a few hours and have a small party there with close family and a couple of babies.

MIL is adamant she doesn't want that.
She keeps insisting and repeating that he will have a bigger party where he can be the centre of attention.
She wants us to go to his great grandparents (her parents) house and she will organise a party there or rent a venue or a restaurant for the extended family to come. She says she wants to dance.

She said I could do the farm and soft centre in the morning and then the big party in the afternoon.
I dont want that. It will be overwhelming not only for the baby but truthfully for me too.
She says even though the baby won't remember it, it's for picture.

I want to be the one, with my husband, to organise our sons first birthday party. And I don't want to travel to her parents, who live in another city.

Before I reply to her and sticking to my guns, I was wondering if I was unreasonable and if that would make me controlling or immature.

Thank you

OP posts:
Nothingbuttheglory · 05/03/2023 21:59

She's not thinking about what is best for the child. Tell her to organise the big party for her birthday.

GCAcademic · 05/03/2023 21:59

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. It sounds like what she wants is a party for herself, in which case she can crack on and organise one for her own birthday.

fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 22:00

Absolutely put your foot down here. As parents you are the ones who get to organise parties.

Original poster
Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:00

Thank you for your replies.
I feel like this might be a power play. She recently said she wanted my son to call her mum for instance

OP posts:
123ZYX · 05/03/2023 22:00

Can't she arrange her celebration for another day?

Ultimately, it's your son so your choice. I felt my DS's first birthday was as much to celebrate surviving my first year as a mum, as his first birthday, so wanted to celebrate in my own way

Sapphire387 · 05/03/2023 22:01

What does your husband have to say about this? Because if anyone is going to say no to her (and it is obvious why you would want to), it should be him.

Original poster
Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:01

fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 22:00

Absolutely put your foot down here. As parents you are the ones who get to organise parties.

Thank you
I struggle with knowing these things sometimes and have very poor social cues so it helps to have external urbanised perspective

OP posts:
sorcerersapprentice · 05/03/2023 22:01

She doesn't get to organise his party. That's bonkers.
Stick to your guns and say a very firm no, but make sure you visit her and the great grandmother on another day to have a little celebration

Original poster
Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:01

Sapphire387 · 05/03/2023 22:01

What does your husband have to say about this? Because if anyone is going to say no to her (and it is obvious why you would want to), it should be him.

He is supporting me, but she keeps calling me about it

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:02

sorcerersapprentice · 05/03/2023 22:01

She doesn't get to organise his party. That's bonkers.
Stick to your guns and say a very firm no, but make sure you visit her and the great grandmother on another day to have a little celebration

They would both be coming to our place on his birthday, we are happy to host them

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 05/03/2023 22:02

I enjoyed organising my son's first. Making a cake, hiring a church hall and baby bouncy castle. Mostly family and friends with babies. I wouldn't have objected to help, but I wouldn't want someone to take that from me.

Original poster
Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:03

EsmeSusanOgg · 05/03/2023 22:02

I enjoyed organising my son's first. Making a cake, hiring a church hall and baby bouncy castle. Mostly family and friends with babies. I wouldn't have objected to help, but I wouldn't want someone to take that from me.

Thank you, thats exactly my thought

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 05/03/2023 22:03

I'd give DH one chance to put her in her place, before you do.
If he won't or pussy foots about, leave him under no illusion that you'll deal with her overstepping, once and for all.

Sapphire387 · 05/03/2023 22:03

Glad that he is supportive, but as you are equal parents and his mother is causing the issue here, perhaps he could call or text her to confirm that you two already have plans in place? If I were you, I would ignore MIL and let DH deal with her.

bigbabycooker · 05/03/2023 22:03

Say no. "Sounds lovely, MIL, but as a party for you. It's not really what we want to do. You've had your go at making all the decisions with DH and now this is our turn to decide what works best"

VestaTilley · 05/03/2023 22:04

Er, no. It’s not about what your MIL wants - it’s your baby, you and DH choose.

You’re right; a baby doesn’t need a huge fuss- far too overwhelming. Stick to your plan and make sure DH backs you up. Be firm now else you’ll have to deal with her controlling behaviour for years.

Usernameisunavailable · 05/03/2023 22:04

He’s your child, so celebrate his birthday however you see fit. A one year old won’t remember anyway, so a big party is definitely all for show. MIL can be as adamant as she likes! Tell her it’s not happening.

Redglitter · 05/03/2023 22:04

Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:00

Thank you for your replies.
I feel like this might be a power play. She recently said she wanted my son to call her mum for instance

😂 What so they can chat about their day?

Just thank her for the offer but you'll stick with the plans you've made. And repeat - as often as necessary

Original poster
Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:04

Sapphire387 · 05/03/2023 22:03

Glad that he is supportive, but as you are equal parents and his mother is causing the issue here, perhaps he could call or text her to confirm that you two already have plans in place? If I were you, I would ignore MIL and let DH deal with her.

We said that to her and she just texted me

"You can go to the softplay all you want 😂. My prince is going to be given a party where he is the centre of attention."

OP posts:
fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 22:05

Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:00

Thank you for your replies.
I feel like this might be a power play. She recently said she wanted my son to call her mum for instance

Fucking hell. Don't leave him with her unsupervised.

Original poster
Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:05

Redglitter · 05/03/2023 22:04

😂 What so they can chat about their day?

Just thank her for the offer but you'll stick with the plans you've made. And repeat - as often as necessary

Show quote history

🤣🤣 sorry I wasn't clear. I meant she wanted him to call her "mum" instead of "grandma"

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 05/03/2023 22:05

Remind her, her Prince is now married with his own wife and child.

fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 22:06

Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:04

We said that to her and she just texted me

"You can go to the softplay all you want 😂. My prince is going to be given a party where he is the centre of attention."

Show quote history

Is she well? Genuinely asking.

Sapphire387 · 05/03/2023 22:06

I'm not sure if you are being serious as surely no one is that batshit 😂

If you are, at this stage I would just ignore her then. She can hardly drag the three of you to 'her' party for your DS!

PollyPut · 05/03/2023 22:06

It's actually very kind that she is offering to host a big party with relatives. But you can do both your day and hers - just on different days. That's what I would do. Find a reason for her party not to be on the actual birthday (train strike/weekend preference etc)