MIL wants to organise baby's first birthday party

[Whatacouk]

Wondering if I'm being unreasonable or not.

My baby is turning 1 soon. I wanted to maybe take him to the farm in the morning and then rent a softplay centre for a few hours and have a small party there with close family and a couple of babies.

MIL is adamant she doesn't want that.
She keeps insisting and repeating that he will have a bigger party where he can be the centre of attention.
She wants us to go to his great grandparents (her parents) house and she will organise a party there or rent a venue or a restaurant for the extended family to come. She says she wants to dance.

She said I could do the farm and soft centre in the morning and then the big party in the afternoon.
I dont want that. It will be overwhelming not only for the baby but truthfully for me too.
She says even though the baby won't remember it, it's for picture.

I want to be the one, with my husband, to organise our sons first birthday party. And I don't want to travel to her parents, who live in another city.

Before I reply to her and sticking to my guns, I was wondering if I was unreasonable and if that would make me controlling or immature.

Thank you

She’s batshit crazy, stick to your guns

Is she unwell?

Calling him 'my prince' and wanting him to call her 'mum' suggest something is wrong.

She simply does not have a say.

Here's the broken record assertiveness technique:

With your DH, decide and set out exactly what you're going to be doing for your baby's birthday (for yourself).

Get clear and definite on it and practice saying and writing it, so it's confident and comfortable (for yourself).

Tell her the plan in exactly the same words in person, emails, phone calls, texts.

Whatever her come back or attempts to detail, rile you, bargain, control …

Just say it again.

And no matter how angry, exasperated she gets you - stay calm, level, controlled.

Show her she does not get to control you or your plans for your baby.

Have a lovely day whatever you (YOU) choose to do.

Tell your husband that due to the years of his mothers behaviour he's endured, he's now unable to tell what's batshit.

So when his mum has a bright idea he's to say 'I'll discuss that with my darling intelligent wife and we'll get back to you'

Did her in laws do this to her when it was her child’s 1st birthday? Did her parents? How would she feel if they did?

YANBU.

Stick to your guns, no matter what.

Tell her to bring wellies and dance to her heart's content on the farm. YANBU.

Your baby, your choice, she is overstepping the mark. It's all about her and her needs, baby's needs are simple. Stick to your decision or she will forever think that she can take over x

You said earlier that you are due to visit this weekend. Don't go.

Start pulling back. If they can't behave, they don't get to see you and your son.

With the distances involved, it wouldn't ever work having this party anyway. All far too much for your DC.

Dear @Whatacouk I haven't been around much in the last couple of days, so I was really surprised to see that you are still getting grief over this. It is nearly the 9th of March now, please come back and tell us that you have told both your husband and MiL to shut the fuck up! Then follow that up by telling us that your H - he will get a D when he deserves it - has seen the light, and will always back you up (on things to do with your children) in front of others, even if you need to have a conversation about it when you are alone!

I really hope that they have stopped pestering you now OP 💐💐

then you know what they are like. you no who they are. so step away.and show and tell your dh how they are degrading your very sense of self!
tell him to stand up and support his fucking wife.
and since this is a continuation off behaviour and not just a one off bathshit moemnt id tell him this is it.last chance and then you will be limiting contact.
she can feel how she feels.she can disagree with you. you can be right or bloody wrong but you are the parent. the wife. you get to decide how you do those roles.not her.never her. and she doesnt get to dictate your childs life.
and if he doesnt support you on that then things will be changing for the two of you too. becasue you cant live with someone who would agree or eqaully be ok to make his wife feel like this.

I’m beginning to think OP should simply organize what she wants to do and has always said was going to happen. She should invite her friends and her family, pack up the baby in the car and just go, have a lovely day out and put photos of herself and the cherub smiling on social media - with everyone except DH and Mum there because they will have been farting around organizing a lavish bash with no guest of honour.

Gram does not want to help plan things. She wants to take over and do it all on her terms, not yours. Or your baby's. Sadly, if you try to include her, she will wind up trampling you at every turn. If she kept calling me about it, I would not answer her calls for the moment. If the phone is not used for business, I might even temporarily change my outgoing voicemail message to "Sorry Mom. Can't answer right now as I am planning the baby's 1st birthday celebration. Will be able to take calls again once plans are finalized. Also will contact you then with information as to where and when it will take place.".

This is beginning to sound like a cultural issue where everyone is under the MIL's thumb.

Stick to your guns @Whatacouk