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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL wants to organise baby's first birthday party

238 replies

Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 21:57

Wondering if I'm being unreasonable or not.

My baby is turning 1 soon. I wanted to maybe take him to the farm in the morning and then rent a softplay centre for a few hours and have a small party there with close family and a couple of babies.

MIL is adamant she doesn't want that.
She keeps insisting and repeating that he will have a bigger party where he can be the centre of attention.
She wants us to go to his great grandparents (her parents) house and she will organise a party there or rent a venue or a restaurant for the extended family to come. She says she wants to dance.

She said I could do the farm and soft centre in the morning and then the big party in the afternoon.
I dont want that. It will be overwhelming not only for the baby but truthfully for me too.
She says even though the baby won't remember it, it's for picture.

I want to be the one, with my husband, to organise our sons first birthday party. And I don't want to travel to her parents, who live in another city.

Before I reply to her and sticking to my guns, I was wondering if I was unreasonable and if that would make me controlling or immature.

Thank you

OP posts:
IWasFunBeforeMum · 05/03/2023 22:14

Tell her no thanks. Purely selfish, what a cow.

Original poster
Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:14

HowardKirksConscience · 05/03/2023 22:12

‘My prince’?!

Your baby, your arrangements. You won’t get to do a first birthday with him again and you’ll also set a precedent so she’ll organise everything.

bloody madwoman she is

Thank you, she has tried controlling so many aspects of our lives because my husband enabled her to do so at first and would badmouth me in front of her, insist I do what she wants and defend her even when she was in the wrong.

After a couple of years of working on our marriage, now that he is changing that its harder than ever because the precedent has already been set

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 05/03/2023 22:16

Frankly, I wouldn’t even bother with the soft play. Go to the farm, home for lunch, cake and presents when he wakes up from his nap.

JenniferBarkley · 05/03/2023 22:18

"Your prince is 40 (or whatever age your DH is) and has been organising his own parties for a while!! Seriously though, thanks so much for the offer but we won't be taking you up on it, just not what we had in mind. Chat soon x"

bridgetreilly · 05/03/2023 22:18

Also, make sure you are teaching your son what you want him to call MIL. It’s not too early for, “wave to Grandma”, “here’s Grandma” etc.

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 05/03/2023 22:19

Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:00

Thank you for your replies.
I feel like this might be a power play. She recently said she wanted my son to call her mum for instance

Eh?? She actually wants your child to call his grandmother Mum?
You need to to tell her how utterly batshit and outright creepy that is.
And that if she doesn't start doing as you say re your child she will not be seeing him.

Justalittlebitduckling · 05/03/2023 22:21

No, thank you. I will organise my son’s first birthday party myself.

MyMumSaysALot · 05/03/2023 22:21

Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:01

He is supporting me, but she keeps calling me about it

Show quote history

”We said no thank you once. That should’ve been sufficient. Sapphire and I are saying no thank you. We are planning baby’s party ourselves, the way we want it.”

Your husband should be blunt and firm - it doesn’t sound like anything else is sinking in. I don’t know why you should be dealing with his mother anyhow.

Dillydollydingdong · 05/03/2023 22:22

Just tell her no. She seems to think she's the mum. She's trying to take control, and if you let her get away with it now, she'll never stop.

user143677434 · 05/03/2023 22:24

I usually end up defending the MIL, but in this instance I think you should keep her at arms length!

Codlingmoths · 05/03/2023 22:29

‘We are planning our child’s birthday party. I can see you are not happy with our arrangements but we are and we know <child> will have a great day. Would you still like to come?’

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 05/03/2023 22:31

Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:04

We said that to her and she just texted me

"You can go to the softplay all you want 😂. My prince is going to be given a party where he is the centre of attention."

Show quote history

Yeah, in that case I wouldn’t be allowing her to see him at all. She has no boundaries.

Confusion101 · 05/03/2023 22:31

Parking myself on this thread because I will have the same issues in a few months. My plan is to stick to my guns and put my foot down as much as I hate doing that

takealettermsjones · 05/03/2023 22:32

"No, sorry. I've told you what we're doing. I am being as clear as I possibly can with you: if you throw a party he will not be there."

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 05/03/2023 22:33

takealettermsjones · 05/03/2023 22:32

"No, sorry. I've told you what we're doing. I am being as clear as I possibly can with you: if you throw a party he will not be there."

I like this response. Don't pussyfoot.

She sounds batshit TBH.

StuartBroadshairband · 05/03/2023 22:35

Whatacouk · 05/03/2023 22:12

Thank you

I will take into consideration all these for when I reply to her the next time she brings it up (probably tonight)

Show quote history

Why would you be replying to her? Block the bitch and let any contact go through her child. There's no need for her to have your number anyway.

Zippidydoda · 05/03/2023 22:35

I think you’ve got to not get in to a conversation with her about it. You’ve said no.
You've told her no very clearly. Tell her one more time in no uncertain terms. Then completely ignore any future discussion about it.

your DH needs to be behind you 100% or this is going to be a shit show!

Zippidydoda · 05/03/2023 22:36

StuartBroadshairband · 05/03/2023 22:35

Why would you be replying to her? Block the bitch and let any contact go through her child. There's no need for her to have your number anyway.

Show quote history

Actually yes this^
yo don’t have to reply. At all. She’s got nothing you want.

heartbroken22 · 05/03/2023 22:37

Tell her to do it for her son 😂

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 05/03/2023 22:39

takealettermsjones · 05/03/2023 22:32

"No, sorry. I've told you what we're doing. I am being as clear as I possibly can with you: if you throw a party he will not be there."

This is good but I wouldn’t be apologising. There’s nothing to apologise for.

Snugglemonkey · 05/03/2023 22:39

Justmuddlingalong · 05/03/2023 22:03

I'd give DH one chance to put her in her place, before you do.
If he won't or pussy foots about, leave him under no illusion that you'll deal with her overstepping, once and for all.

This! She needs to hear something v firm from DH, or you will need to bring out the big guns. Otherwise this will escalate. I am so sorry you have to deal with this!

rebeccachoc · 05/03/2023 22:40

Can you reply 'and what did your mother do for your kids first birthdays? What nothing because you were allowed to organise your own kids lives. Funny that!'

Mulhollandmagoo · 05/03/2023 22:41

Just plan your party, send her out an invitation and let her do as she will with it, if she arranged her own party - don't go! And don't take your son, she won't do it again will she. Please don't allow this to continue, you need to tell your husband too, he sorts this out or you are gone!

Iris1976 · 05/03/2023 22:42

This is not her baby so she doesn't get a say.

DiddlySquat52 · 05/03/2023 22:43

Say what my other half said to his Mum when he felt that she was overstepping (and it was nowhere near as bad as this!):

"That's wonderful. When you have your next baby then you can organise that for them. However, that's not what we're doing for OUR baby".