MIL wants to organise baby's first birthday party

[Whatacouk]

Wondering if I'm being unreasonable or not.

My baby is turning 1 soon. I wanted to maybe take him to the farm in the morning and then rent a softplay centre for a few hours and have a small party there with close family and a couple of babies.

MIL is adamant she doesn't want that.
She keeps insisting and repeating that he will have a bigger party where he can be the centre of attention.
She wants us to go to his great grandparents (her parents) house and she will organise a party there or rent a venue or a restaurant for the extended family to come. She says she wants to dance.

She said I could do the farm and soft centre in the morning and then the big party in the afternoon.
I dont want that. It will be overwhelming not only for the baby but truthfully for me too.
She says even though the baby won't remember it, it's for picture.

I want to be the one, with my husband, to organise our sons first birthday party. And I don't want to travel to her parents, who live in another city.

Before I reply to her and sticking to my guns, I was wondering if I was unreasonable and if that would make me controlling or immature.

Thank you

He has a good time. It wasn't too busy. I think a big, big party would have been too much.

I loved his face when we were singing happy birthday and heard his name... Big grin!

Sorry- she wants your son to call her MUM?!

What the hell? This is not normal and not ok.

I’d reduce contact with her and keep her at arms length. She sounds insane!

I genuinely don't know

I think DH should take her to the GP

I also would get Dh to call her . Tell him to be clear but this update suggests it goes deeper

I'm doing that now xx
she didn't treat me well many times

"He's not your Prince. He's my son. I'm planning his birthday."

She's had her birthday planning time, she doesn't get even the slightest say in your sons birthday.

And like fuck is your son calling her mum. The fucking loon.

He is with her at the moment. I'm going to text him to make it clear to her xx
Thank you for the suggestion

Dear MIL. You are acting batshit crazy. Reign yourself in or you won’t be invited to any celebration. Ps his name is x. Not your Prince. You are not the Queen of this family unit. Best.

Thank you x

Don't give in to this nonsense. Your DS, your birthday plans with other family there as invited guests only. I wish you all the best and don't let it take away from your enjoyment in celebrating a big day for you and DH as well as DS

*We said that to her and she just texted me

"You can go to the softplay all you want 😂. My prince is going to be given a party where he is the centre of attention."*

She does realise unless you and your husband take him your son won't be anywhere near that party.

It's quite obvious it's MiL who wants to be centre of attention. The party she's proposed is for her to show off, it's nothing to do with making it special for your son.

Just stick to your plans, get your invites out to those you want there and if MiL insists on her party, don't go. She can't force you to attend. Especially not if you've got your own, more appropriate, party taking place.

She can plan whatever she likes but you hold the trump card here, you don't have to show up to her party, and you don't have to take the child anywhere you don't want to. I would tell her that, and that you won't be attending any party she books. And then you need to get dh to put his foot down and back her off.

This can’t be real?
What was the outcome of her wanting your DS to call her mum? What did you say to that? What did your DH say?

I wouldn't let my kid anywhere near her after that batshittery. The party i wouldn't care about. The mum thing and the telling you what she WILL be doing with YOUR child i would care a great deal about.

My husband defended me and told her off. She apologised to me and said she was happy with grandma or even her first name

She wants her grandchild to call her mum. That’s very weird, even unhinged. I would keep her at arms length from your child. Your DH should be having serious words with her about boundaries. Do not give in to her or you’ll just be opening yourselves up to more bonkers requests. I’m a granny and adore my DGC, but I would not overstep in this way.

Message back saying: “thank you for the thought, but we’ve already sorted the party. Why won’t you do exactly what you suggest for your own birthday party”. End of conversation 😂

Thank you

I will take into consideration all these for when I reply to her the next time she brings it up (probably tonight)

Omg, I would love to say that

‘My prince’?!

Your baby, your arrangements. You won’t get to do a first birthday with him again and you’ll also set a precedent so she’ll organise everything.

bloody madwoman she is

I would go back and say 'MIL it's great that you want to be so involved, but none of this stuff is yours to decide so although you disagree we will be sticking with our original plan'

Well it's not her party and it's not her kids party so she doesn't get a say. She had the chance to do whatever she wanted at parties when her kids were young.

You really should. It's not at all unreasonable to say that.

Yanbu.
Shw wants him to call her mum???? That sounds slightky,unhinged, altho I,suspect not that uncommon a thought.
"Thanks for the idea, but i havw othef plans fpr him. You,are wlecome to come on,'x' day for a birthday meal if you,want,to,mark the occassion,with,us..

Where is your mil from.. is this a kind of culture clash ?

Stay clear and sufe that hou,are,his mum,and you,get to make the decision. And dont let him,call,her mum ever. I hope your dh knows and is solid ans confident in dealing with,her??????🤔