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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is bats**t crazy? Don’t know what to do

334 replies

Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:28

My DS is 14 and in year 9, his girlfriend from school is 13 and in year 8, they were born in the same year (2009) and there is 7 months age gap between them. She is also FAR more mature than my son, because she’s a girl!

apparently if now you go out with someone in the year below you are a none and pe*o and every other foul name under the son.

my lad is getting the most vile abuse at school but I don’t even know what to do because it’s everyone, in every year group and it’s constant, being shouted at in corridors, voice messages to his phone saying he’s weird and should be locked up, people approaching him at school and saying what he is doing is wrong.

I checked with other kids in other schools and it’s true there too?!?!? When the hell did this happen? When I was at school girls went out with boys in the year above!

Ive spoken to my lad about what he wants to do because he can’t stand the bullying, he’s gone from being really popular to a total pariah in 3 months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:28

It’s gone bold where I have tried to star out letter in NON£E and PEA£O

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 05/03/2023 09:29

You are allowed to use the words Nonce and paedo.

Original poster
Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:31

Oh, good to know

OP posts:
BMW6 · 05/03/2023 09:34

I'd approach the school as your son is being bullied for stupid reasons. The kids need to be educated on this en masse.

carriedout · 05/03/2023 09:34

I would ask for an urgent meeting with the senior teacher in charge of pastoral care as this is bullying. The school need to be tackling this widespread issue.

Whataretheodds · 05/03/2023 09:36

Your son is being bullied. Agree with PP re meeting with Head/head of year about it

Original poster
Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:36

He refuses to let me he says there will be a massive assembly and everyone will know it’s about him.

also it’s not just his school, it seems it’s now a THING everywhere

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itsgettingweird · 05/03/2023 09:36

I think in general it's the stupid expressions being used with todays teens.

My ds asked some teen girls to stop splashing at swim club as he couldn't hear the coach and got told "shut up peado"

You need to contact the school. Send evidence if the texts and voicemails and also contact the police for advice via 101 online. It sounds like some of the message LD are cyber bullying and threatening and it must stop.

Your ds is doing nothing working and these idiots need to know their behaviour is criminal and unacceptable.

Tell the school you expect zero tolerance to every report made and if they don't deal with it you'll escalate higher up.

Usually once the few ringleaders give up because it's not worth it everyone else will stop or those jumping on bandwagon will stop because they don't like constant punishments.

Your poor ds AngrySad

GoodChat · 05/03/2023 09:37

It was always seen as weird when I was at school.

When you're that age it feels like there's a huge maturity gap between year 8s and year 9s.

But I would speak to the school.

Original poster
Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:37

Honestly guys it’s breaking my heart.

this girl is very lively and they spend lots of time together (with the bedroom door open) they are great friends and as they think “in love”

he was so happy at school, thriving and I hate it all

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misskatamari · 05/03/2023 09:38

That’s absolutely ridiculous, your poor son! I’m so sorry he’s dealing with this. School need to be dealing with this, seriously and en masse! It’s bullying in the extreme and over something which is absolute nonesense! I don’t know what I would do personally, I would feel quite helpless, as trying to tackle this kind of mass behaviour is so hard, especially when it is so utterly batshit (but the people doing it must have some misguided “we are right” mentality”. So bloody weird, and I hope you can get the school to deal with it and educate this young people about the dangers of their actions and the consequences that this mindless bullying can have on its victims

Original poster
Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:39

GoodChat · 05/03/2023 09:37

It was always seen as weird when I was at school.

When you're that age it feels like there's a huge maturity gap between year 8s and year 9s.

But I would speak to the school.

Really?? I could understand completely if it was a year 7 and a year 9, but 7 months age gap? His best friend is going out with a girl in the same year and they have a 6 month age gap, there are 4 weeks age difference between the year 8 girl and this year 9 girl.

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 05/03/2023 09:40

Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:36

He refuses to let me he says there will be a massive assembly and everyone will know it’s about him.

also it’s not just his school, it seems it’s now a THING everywhere

But they all no it’s about him anyway, he’s being bullied it needs addressing. Does he have a tutor or head of year he can confide in first? If everyone is doing it they must already be aware?

misskatamari · 05/03/2023 09:41

It’s not weird at all! Like you say, it’s a few months difference in age.

carriedout · 05/03/2023 09:41

Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:36

He refuses to let me he says there will be a massive assembly and everyone will know it’s about him.

also it’s not just his school, it seems it’s now a THING everywhere

You can't let a 14yo make these type of decisions.

I completely understand why you are so worried but the adults - so you and school - must take charge or you are allowing a pack of teenagers to set the tone.

NEmama · 05/03/2023 09:42

I had a y11 boyfriend in y9. Nothing was said.
Tbf we were at it

cansu · 05/03/2023 09:43

If you want this dealt with you need to let the school know. You say it is everyone but unless you want the assembly style or page lesson type input then you need to provide messages with names so they can't start telling the kids to stop.

CrapBucket · 05/03/2023 09:45

It is a wide spread thing everywhere and teens do call people/each other nonce and peado at the drop of a hat.

I do agree that school need to become involved. Maybe try and get your son to see that telling them will help his gf... rather than being only for his benefit... I totally understand his feelings about the assembly. Good luck.

Aranan · 05/03/2023 09:45

Your poor son, how completely absurd! 2 years above for boys was the total norm when we were teens.

I have to agree with the pp and you need to speak to the school. Surely there’s a more subtle way of them introducing the subject in PSHCE classes rather than a big assembly? And the bullies need punishing.

CrapBucket · 05/03/2023 09:46

NEmama · 05/03/2023 09:42

I had a y11 boyfriend in y9. Nothing was said.
Tbf we were at it

I'm guessing this wasn't in the last couple of years? Teenage life has changed dramatically since 'our day'.

Houseplantmad · 05/03/2023 09:46

Let the school know. It can be dealt with without having “a big assembly” but it does need dealing with, urgently.

StripeyDeckchair · 05/03/2023 09:48

Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:36

He refuses to let me he says there will be a massive assembly and everyone will know it’s about him.

also it’s not just his school, it seems it’s now a THING everywhere

It's a THING in your sons school, not everywhere.

The kids in my school dont bat an eyelid at cross year group dating

NEmama · 05/03/2023 09:49

@CrapBucket I still see teens with bf and gf a year above or below. I teach secondary.

RandomMess · 05/03/2023 09:49

I agree it's a widespread thing.

My DDs all think going out with a boy 2 years older than them in their late teens is "wrong" then my youngest wonders why her boyfriends are so bloody immature Confused

Original poster
Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:50

StripeyDeckchair · 05/03/2023 09:48

It's a THING in your sons school, not everywhere.

The kids in my school dont bat an eyelid at cross year group dating

Show quote history

I dunno, he’s getting messages from kids in other schools and from one kid who had emigrated to another COUNTRY!

is it true your dating a year 8 etc etc

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