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Original poster

To think this is bats**t crazy? Don’t know what to do

334 replies

Puddingypops · 05/03/2023 09:28

My DS is 14 and in year 9, his girlfriend from school is 13 and in year 8, they were born in the same year (2009) and there is 7 months age gap between them. She is also FAR more mature than my son, because she’s a girl!

apparently if now you go out with someone in the year below you are a none and pe*o and every other foul name under the son.

my lad is getting the most vile abuse at school but I don’t even know what to do because it’s everyone, in every year group and it’s constant, being shouted at in corridors, voice messages to his phone saying he’s weird and should be locked up, people approaching him at school and saying what he is doing is wrong.

I checked with other kids in other schools and it’s true there too?!?!? When the hell did this happen? When I was at school girls went out with boys in the year above!

Ive spoken to my lad about what he wants to do because he can’t stand the bullying, he’s gone from being really popular to a total pariah in 3 months.

OP posts:
StrawberryJam4Ever · 07/03/2023 13:53

It’s probably bought on by jealousy of those that don’t have a BF or GF. They’ve turned to stupidity & bullying to spoil it for the more popular kids. Get the school to explain to them what a paedo & nonce means. It’s not like one kid’s 16 & the other is 15, which would then be considered to be a paedo or nonce.

Original poster
Puddingypops · 07/03/2023 14:16

StrawberryJam4Ever · 07/03/2023 13:53

It’s probably bought on by jealousy of those that don’t have a BF or GF. They’ve turned to stupidity & bullying to spoil it for the more popular kids. Get the school to explain to them what a paedo & nonce means. It’s not like one kid’s 16 & the other is 15, which would then be considered to be a paedo or nonce.

Thanks although I do have to add some caveats even to what you’re saying.

yes one is over the age of consent and one below in your scenario, but would a 16 year old boy or girl going out with a 15 year old boy or girl REALLY be a paedophile?

OP posts:
WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 07/03/2023 14:22

Puddingypops · 07/03/2023 13:24

Which weirdly he isn’t bullied at school for even though everyone knows he does it

So it’s only his ballet class and not his actual school giving him such a hard time?

Boomboom22 · 07/03/2023 14:22

No they wouldn't but 18 and 15 would. The law says 14-16 can consent with each other, is hazy on 16-18 but not illegal and 18+ of ant age is legal.

Original poster
Puddingypops · 07/03/2023 14:44

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 07/03/2023 14:22

So it’s only his ballet class and not his actual school giving him such a hard time?

Show quote history

No I’m saying school doesn’t bully him for doing ballet

OP posts:
WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 07/03/2023 15:00

Puddingypops · 07/03/2023 14:44

No I’m saying school doesn’t bully him for doing ballet

Show quote history

Oh I see… Damn. Was almost relieved for a split second, as I thought there was an easier solution 😖
I do think the school will need to speak with the kids, perhaps in groups at a time if your boy doesn’t want an assembly held about it.
I spoke to my two last night and they are in agreement with us, it’s insane how your son is being treated and dating the year below is not that big of a deal. I really hope it is resolved for your boy and that he’s ok 💙(and you are too 💐).

Original poster
Puddingypops · 07/03/2023 15:21

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 07/03/2023 15:00

Oh I see… Damn. Was almost relieved for a split second, as I thought there was an easier solution 😖
I do think the school will need to speak with the kids, perhaps in groups at a time if your boy doesn’t want an assembly held about it.
I spoke to my two last night and they are in agreement with us, it’s insane how your son is being treated and dating the year below is not that big of a deal. I really hope it is resolved for your boy and that he’s ok 💙(and you are too 💐).

Show quote history

Awe thanks, it’s crazy, I thought wow things are so much better than they used to be, no bullying or even negative comments about doing ballet. Done tap dances in front of the school, nothing but respect for it, then this.

if a lad had so much looked at a pair of tap shoes while I was at school they would never EVER live it down.

so some things have changed

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 07/03/2023 15:23

Please approach the head teacher. Make it an official complaint and ask him/her to protect your sons identity by changing the year groups… say it’s a year 11 being bullied for dating a year 10 or something and raise with whole school as it’s clearly an issue in that school. If it continues you need to pin point the specific kids to head and police

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 07/03/2023 15:58

Puddingypops · 07/03/2023 15:21

Awe thanks, it’s crazy, I thought wow things are so much better than they used to be, no bullying or even negative comments about doing ballet. Done tap dances in front of the school, nothing but respect for it, then this.

if a lad had so much looked at a pair of tap shoes while I was at school they would never EVER live it down.

so some things have changed

Show quote history

I was in high school in the late 90s and I remember that you were super cool if you dated lads in the year above you.

Definitely right so many things have changed and I still cant understand the kids mindset of today. My almost 15 year old won’t even let his friends see a new hair cut as they’ll even make fun of that!!!

Pubesofsoberness · 07/03/2023 17:39

BadNomad · 06/03/2023 21:36

That's teenagers for you. As far as they are concerned, he is a whole year ahead of her. I don't know what age sex ed is these days, but he'll have that a full year before she does. It's things like that which create the "gap".

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Primary school ! I don't think that's an issue

Pubesofsoberness · 07/03/2023 17:52

Actually shouldn't be surprised with some of the replies on this thread

How can the fact he had sex education 5 and 3 years ago and she had it 4 and 2 years ago be in any way an issue

It's a school year, it's nothing. She could be working at the same level or above him even for all we know

Although I've found this thread helpful in that I'm going to be having conversations with my year 7 incase he picks up any of these weird ideas

BadNomad · 07/03/2023 18:02

The point of that is a school year is a whole other thing when you are that age. It's just a year to us, but not to teenagers. People below you aren't your peers. They aren't your equals. They are below you. A girl with an older boyfriend is not seen the same as a boy with a younger girlfriend. But a girl with a younger boyfriend would get comments also. You are looking at this from a mature adult's perspective, not from an insular teen perspective.

Pubesofsoberness · 07/03/2023 18:19

BadNomad · 07/03/2023 18:02

The point of that is a school year is a whole other thing when you are that age. It's just a year to us, but not to teenagers. People below you aren't your peers. They aren't your equals. They are below you. A girl with an older boyfriend is not seen the same as a boy with a younger girlfriend. But a girl with a younger boyfriend would get comments also. You are looking at this from a mature adult's perspective, not from an insular teen perspective.

No I'm not, I do remember being that age and I have children younger and older and the older ones say no one cared at that age

If this is the way teenagers are acting these days then their parents need to be having a word with them

BadNomad · 07/03/2023 18:23

It isn't just these days. It was like that when I was in school too. I'm in my 40s now. Plenty of others on this thread remember it like this too. It's not a new thing. It must not have been a thing in your school, or if it was, you just weren't aware of it.

Pubesofsoberness · 07/03/2023 18:36

It wasn't a thing when I was at school and I'm nearly 45 , and like I've said it wasn't a thing at either of my older dcs schools

Original poster
Puddingypops · 07/03/2023 19:21

BadNomad · 07/03/2023 18:23

It isn't just these days. It was like that when I was in school too. I'm in my 40s now. Plenty of others on this thread remember it like this too. It's not a new thing. It must not have been a thing in your school, or if it was, you just weren't aware of it.

There’s literally around 2 people in their 40s on here that say it was the case in our school day. I’m in my 40s and I don’t know anyone who had that.

OP posts:
HedwigIsMyDemon · 07/03/2023 19:23

@Puddingypops discussed this with a few friends since you posted this - all parents of teenagers. All, without exception say it didn’t happen in the 80s and 90s. Definitely a new thing!

BadNomad · 07/03/2023 19:41

Puddingypops · 07/03/2023 19:21

There’s literally around 2 people in their 40s on here that say it was the case in our school day. I’m in my 40s and I don’t know anyone who had that.

Show quote history

It still counts. It isn't a new thing if it did happen back then. Same how it doesn't happen in every school now, but it still happens. A lot of people are commenting about how they dated older boys and it wasn't a problem. But that's not the same situation. It's different for girls dating up than boys dating down.

Ifeelsuchafool · 07/03/2023 20:53

This is ridiculous! When I was in 4th form (year 10) my bf was a 4th year undergrad in music college)! (Disclaimer, he thought I was 18 and in U6 and was mortified when he found out I was 15!)
How times have changed.

XenoBitch · 07/03/2023 21:18

Ifeelsuchafool · 07/03/2023 20:53

This is ridiculous! When I was in 4th form (year 10) my bf was a 4th year undergrad in music college)! (Disclaimer, he thought I was 18 and in U6 and was mortified when he found out I was 15!)
How times have changed.

I was in 6th form with someone who at age 17, complained her 12 year old boyfriend would not sleep with her. She thought it fine as we were all still in the same school.

Somanyquestionstoaskaboutthis · 07/03/2023 21:29

BadNomad · 07/03/2023 19:41

It still counts. It isn't a new thing if it did happen back then. Same how it doesn't happen in every school now, but it still happens. A lot of people are commenting about how they dated older boys and it wasn't a problem. But that's not the same situation. It's different for girls dating up than boys dating down.

Show quote history

Are you saying it’s seen as fine for a girl to date up but not for a boy to date down? How does that work, that’s both sides of the same couple? So she’s seen as fine but he’s a nonce/paedo etc?

When I was a teenager in the 80s I had friends in the years both sides of mine, and on the streets around our house who could be three or four years older and younger as we hung around as a group. It really wasn’t an issue, you either liked people or you didn’t.

Greenvelvetdress · 07/03/2023 21:49

I cannot believe these responses... Do people not remember being teenagers?!?

My first 'boyfriend' was when I was 13 and he went to a different school, was 14 and was in the year above me. We use to walk home together, go to the park on weekends and into town. The most that happened was holding hands and a kiss. This was fairly normal among my friends.

I didn't lose my virginity till I was 18 before someone makes a comment like that. Relationships like this are totally normal at this age and 7 months is really no age gap at all. Your poor son.

Upsidedownagain · 07/03/2023 22:31

I think nonce and paedo are commonly used in secondary schools. My dd was called a nonce for having a (platonic) friend in the year below. But though she was annoyed enough to mention it, she wasn't bullied over it. Just seemed to be something they say.

Sounds like it's got wildly out of hand in your DS's case. Is it possible it started as teasing but that he is very sensitive and has shown this, so it's caught on across the school as something to say to him that gets a reaction? Kids love to jump on the latest 'thing' to be part of the in crowd, and at 13 and 14 they are still kids.

You do need to talk to the school because of the effect it is having on him. He's probably not the only one that is on the receiving end of this kind of thing either. They wont necessarily handle it with an assembly. Anyway you can tell them how he feels about that. If you do nothing, it could continue for a while so it's worth a shot.

Zaliea · 08/03/2023 10:32

is hazy on 16-18 but not illegal

What do you mean hazy? It's not illegal so it can't really be hazy.

Pd05 · 08/03/2023 12:48

It's so weird to me that when I was 17 dating a 24 year old no one said anything until AFTER, but a 14 year old dating a 13 year old who's 7 months younger than him is being bullied daily?