To think this is bats**t crazy? Don’t know what to do

[Puddingypops]

My DS is 14 and in year 9, his girlfriend from school is 13 and in year 8, they were born in the same year (2009) and there is 7 months age gap between them. She is also FAR more mature than my son, because she’s a girl!

apparently if now you go out with someone in the year below you are a none and pe*o and every other foul name under the son.

my lad is getting the most vile abuse at school but I don’t even know what to do because it’s everyone, in every year group and it’s constant, being shouted at in corridors, voice messages to his phone saying he’s weird and should be locked up, people approaching him at school and saying what he is doing is wrong.

I checked with other kids in other schools and it’s true there too?!?!? When the hell did this happen? When I was at school girls went out with boys in the year above!

Ive spoken to my lad about what he wants to do because he can’t stand the bullying, he’s gone from being really popular to a total pariah in 3 months.

So Romeo was a paedophile then? Who knew?

Yes an example of a completely healthy relationship.

An 18yo is an adult. End of.

Unless there is some sort of “institutionalized” power difference between the two, they are can.

We need to talk about the creeping infantilization of young people.

Pathologizing of small age differences is going to make successful long-term relationships a lot harder to achieve; the reality is that girls mature faster, so relationships with boys exactly your own age often lead to frustration, or the kind of relationship where the girl ends up mothering the boy, helping him with his studies, sorting his life out for him etc.

Doesn’t sit right with you? Is it not a tale as old as time that girls are more mature, if you’re turning what I’m saying into something sexual you’re the one with the issue, not me.

my DS is still childlike in many ways, still a young teen, I’m saying this girl is not like an 11 year old or 12 year old who is being led astray by the big bad year 9 predator!! I’m pointing out that she is more mature than my son which is always the way with girls, she can have a good conversation with an adult without being awkward things like that for christs sake!

Tbh I have drummed into my ds head to never get a gf in the year below or lower. Yes him and his friends do think boys doing that are a bit strange/do use the word nonse. The older boys in my school definitely took advantage of the girls in the years below - and the girls thought it was very cool to have an older boyfriend. I view it very differently as a mother of both.

It gets complicated with legal age of consent and sex. Not something I want my ds to get mixed up in.

I am judgy about age gaps though. I'd personally like there to be a sliding scale to stop 35 yr old pervy men getting with 16yr olds.

I’m so sorry to hear your son is experiencing this. My Y10 DS was asked out by a girl in Y9. He really liked her - there is a 6 week age gap due to how their birthdays fall. He said no for exactly these reasons. Asking friends they all say the same. So bloody odd. This is definitely a modern thing.

(I’m thinking of the dynamic you often get with boy/girl twins; I remember one researcher who specializes in twins talking about how boy and girl twins tend to benefit from being in separate classes and having separate activities as soon as possible, because from an early age the girl tends to mature a lot faster, and will tend to either find her brother’s relative immaturity intensely irritating, or will mother him and stop him learning to do things for himself.)

But what does sex have to do with anything at age 13? My DS is terrified of doing anything he shouldn’t/breaking rules, and he’s certainly not ready for a sexual relationship.

he tells his dad everything, everything to do with girls and I know for a fact he is far far away from even thinking about taking anything further than kissing and holding hands and being best friends.

Of course a 35 year old going out with a 16 year old is totally gross, surely that’s not the scale you think my son is on?

This isn't a new thing- there were similar attitudes when I was at school (I'm 35 now). It does sound extremely though (and obviously nothing wrong with dating some one a few months age difference!)

This was a thing at my kids school and they are in their 20s now.

I would speak to the school but I doubt it will stop because it's oddly entrenched in the way they all think about it.

No one actually thinks your son is a nonce or a paedophile, it's a nasty 'joke' that's got out of hand and the school needs to sort it out.

Honestly, you should sit down later today and read your own posts backs. She shouldn't even have to be having a good conversations with a boyfriend’s parent in year 8. She is a child.

This sounds like it's a very serious topic (paedophilia) that has been turned into some kind of woke nonsense (if you go out with someone in the year below you must be a paedophile).

At the moment being woke seems to be huge in schools and taking offense at anything is taken to extremes - so I would turn the accusers into 'non woke' offenders, the very last thing they're likely to want to be.

I'd get him to reply that he can't believe they don't understand what a paedophile actually is and that throwing the term around is incredibly offensive towards victims of actual abuse and do they have any idea how many children in the UK are actually victims of sexual abuse or the trauma that they go through? Keep it short and to the point the send it to everyone. If people say things in the corridor get him to say 'do you know what a paedophile actually is and how offensive you're being to actual abuse victims?'

As soon as they are called out bullies tend to back down IME.

If that didn't work then next stop is school of course - but if he can find a clever way to counteract the bullies then that will be better for his self esteem IMO.

Screen shot the message and email them to the headteacher

Regardless of the view on here,
Your son is in this situation now and you need to think about what you want to do. There are 3 options.

1. Speak to the school to try and shut down the bullying

1. Your son breaks up with the girl.

1. They continue with the relationship and the bullying continues

Newsflash! So is my son.

do you not speak to your kids friends? Hahahahahaha you seem to take yourself and the world very seriously

A few broken noses might stop the bullying . Just saying

This is such a strange response! My DD has her friends round and we chat with them over the dinner table or whatever about all sorts, we were talking philosophy the other day (and the friend‘s instigation). Are children not allowed to have good conversations with adults until they turn 18?

Just asked DD15 about this. She says it does feel creepy to her. The year 9s seem so much younger and less mature than her year, and that the girls are always so aware of older boys and men leering at them

That's really quite weird.

When I was in secondary school the age-spread of children in my class was over two years - at the beginning of Year 12, for instance, there were 14 and 17 year olds in the same class. Therefore if I'd had a friendship with someone in the year below, they could well have been older than me.

Two separate issues:-

Bullying - unacceptable full stop.
13 year old girl dating a 14 boy.

There's a cross over in law between 13 and 14. It's the fact that she is 13. If you contact the school the school will advise for them to stop seeing each other. I know that traditionally girls date the older lads, because girls are branded as more mature, but we now know emotionally they aren't and 13 year olds are vulnerable. Girls are more vocal and empathetic, that doesn't mean that they are more mature. If he was 15 and her 14 then he wouldn't be getting stick. It's actually good that both sexes are recognising the potential for exploitation. Don't build their relationship into something it isn't. They are kids. They could break things off until she is 14. Really they should just be mates with the odd kiss and not declaring themselves in a relationship.

This poster has taken against me obviously @WishingIWasOnHoliday . I don’t understand why some people wish to sexualise or call out innocent and normal friendships/relationships at a normal age to be taking tentative steps into that world.

most kids in year 8 and year 9 have boyfriends and girlfriends and it’s far more about friendship and beginning to learn how relationships work. It’s always been the way, always.

I speak to my sons GF like I speak to all his friends, because in reality there’s very little difference, I say she is mature, yes, in the same way I would say this or that kid is immature or silly, and this boy has a very mature attitude and that girl is sensible etc etc

Just out of interest, do you know the girl‘s parents and have you spoken to the about what‘s happening? I assume the girlfriend is aware of what‘s being said, how does she feel about it?

It would because the OP's son would be expelled. It's an option I suppose. Until the rep follows him that he broke kids noses because he couldn't keep his hands off a 13 year old.

So, 17 years and 29 days is a child, but 17 years and 30 days is an adult?

A 3/4/5 year age gap is not a small age difference, though, to an 18 year old. Is it?

'The reality is that girls mature faster?' Is it, though? Do they really?
Apparently, black girls mature even faster.

'End of' - what, exactly, is meant by that? Does it mean 'shut up'?