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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

479 replies

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:12

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

OP posts:
MirabelMax · 05/03/2023 08:14

Surely we can't really judge this as we weren't there? If you were having to shout over loud music I'd have been inclined to point this out and ask them to turn it down so you could converse normally.

EVHead · 05/03/2023 08:17

Very annoying for other diners. We had this recently in a restaurant and couldn’t hear each other talk.

I think large groups shouldn’t be in fancy restaurants. Even talking at a normal level, it’s too much noise.

PortiasBiscuit · 05/03/2023 08:17

You went to the wrong restaurant I would say, next time choose more of a family vibe.
However, was it mid afternoon/ early evening? I’d probably expect to keep it down after 7:30pm. Any time before that, I would have told the waiter, politely that it wasn’t possible to keep the party quiet and then just carried on.

Okunevo · 05/03/2023 08:17

Was the laughter the breathy emotional kind or the louder speech kind you can fake? The second can be very jarring.

MargaretThursday · 05/03/2023 08:17

For the waiter to ask I would expect you were pretty loud.

Are you a loud family? Dh's is and I have sometimes been very aware of how loud they are when we're on a public space. I don't think they have any concept how loud they come across.

Ihatethenewlook · 05/03/2023 08:18

I have also worked in hospitality for many years, and as a waitress I HAVE acted on these complaints, but only if I agreed with them. Were you drinking? I can easily imagine a party of 9 adults drinking and getting carried away with reminiscing about childhoods. If you were talking at a reasonable level then there would be little chance of someone complaining about it, and pretty much zero chance of a member of staff having to act on the complaint.

Ragwort · 05/03/2023 08:18

I agree it's impossible to comment if we weren't there but it must have been pretty loud for the waiter ti say something? I have been out to dinner and a large, noisy party can really monopolise the restaurant and it is annoying. I think if you are 'part' of the group you are just not aware of how loud you are?

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 05/03/2023 08:18

Focus on the nice parts of the evening and let this bit go.

Original poster
EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:18

It was just weird vibes. I’ll probably leave a review. The food was lovely but the atmosphere was…odd. Loud music and edgy decor. Not plinky plonky piano and white table cloths where you’d expect a bit of hush. We were all pretty baffled and shamed so I really don’t think we did anything wrong or out of the ordinary.

I do wonder if it was a VIP guest that complained about us and that gave it more weight. It was just odd. And I feel aggrieved 🤣😬

OP posts:
fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 08:18

Sounds like someone has a really irritating laugh/voice

SpookyBlackCat · 05/03/2023 08:18

I think maybe it would have been better to ask to turn the music down so you didn’t need to talk over it.

outwiththeoldinwiththenewish · 05/03/2023 08:19

Yes, doesn't sound like it was managed well by the waiter. Even if you were being loud there was no need to tell you there had been a complaint. Puts a whole awkwardness on your night.

fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 08:19

MargaretThursday · 05/03/2023 08:17

For the waiter to ask I would expect you were pretty loud.

Are you a loud family? Dh's is and I have sometimes been very aware of how loud they are when we're on a public space. I don't think they have any concept how loud they come across.

I agree. The waiter wouldn't have intervened if you weren't ruining it for everyone else

Porridgeislife · 05/03/2023 08:20

Big tables are always louder than couples, it’s the nature of the beast.

You’re not in the wrong, the restaurant should have accommodated in the seating plan or put you in their private dining area.

We’ve had similar in the past where we were marooned on a two person table in the middle of the room up against a 10 person dinner - the restaurant was actually quite huffy when we asked to move, but they were in the wrong, not the big table enjoying their meal.

RRRException · 05/03/2023 08:20

Someone - probably the manager - should have thought first turn the music down

If you’re ruining other diners evenings then after the music had been turned down it’s fair enough to ask you to pipe down. Everyone in the restaurant is paying for the experience and your party are spoiling that for others.

MirabelMax · 05/03/2023 08:20

Ah yeah the question of how much you drunk is important. Most people get louder when they drink

Vallmo47 · 05/03/2023 08:20

I agree with previous poster, we weren’t there so it’s impossible to judge really. But in my experience people never think they are as loud as they actually are, because you’re all enjoying each other’s company and out for a laugh in a group setting. I’ve waitressed before as well and there is usually some degree of “loud” going on. As a waitress I would have offered to move the other table as that’s a lot easier, but maybe they were fully booked so had no option but to ask you all to keep it down a bit. I doubt someone would have complained to the point the waiter agreed and asked you to keep it down, had you not been loud. If the music was getting that loud, maybe you could have asked them to turn that down so you could have a quieter conversation?

CeriB82 · 05/03/2023 08:20

We were asked to keep it down once. Saturday night 4 nights before Christmas in a big Chinese restaurant it was full with Christmas parties and the waiter asked us to tone it down as a couple in tgeir 60’s thought we were loud

it was a busy restaurant, Christmas, full of young people enjoying the festivities.

the old folk chose the wrong place to eat that night. Cheek.

rookiemere · 05/03/2023 08:20

It is difficult if you're in a restaurant at the same time as a large group and it can spoil the dynamic of your meal if you're a couple on a romantic evening out.

Having said that, they took the booking and they are the ones who could have turned down the music so you didn't have to talk so loudly.

MargaretThursday · 05/03/2023 08:20

Thinking it was a VIP guest who got special treatment rather than someone like you and the waiter agrees tells me a lot about you.
I'd bet you were too loud.

QuitsAmidCrisis · 05/03/2023 08:21

I doubt you were obnoxious. But some people do not realise just how loud they are, and how much they boom. We have had this increasingly. Groups of adults laughing and almost shouting in restaurants. And it does spoil a meal. I wouldn’t complain though. I just accept it as a negative aspect of of living around people.

SpookyBlackCat · 05/03/2023 08:21

Anyway, I wouldn’t dwell on it. There are plenty of restaurants out there. Just go somewhere else next time.

Okunevo · 05/03/2023 08:22

fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 08:18

Sounds like someone has a really irritating laugh/voice

A woman at the table next to us when we went out for a birthday dinner had a loud fake laugh. It ruined the meal as two of us were in physical pain.

DoesItHaveKosovo · 05/03/2023 08:22

You were probably way louder than you’re letting on! Big merry groups always are. You’re not in the wrong as such but neither was the restaurant - they can’t ignore complaints from other diners. You’re not more important or worthy just because you’re bringing more covers.

Coffeellama · 05/03/2023 08:23

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So you can take from this that you were probably really disturbing other guests, especially as the loud music would have been annoying anyway, and then you were talking over it. You were just being louder than you realised, I’d have asked the waiter to turn the music down and then laughed it off. Obviously nobody here can tell what the reality of the situation was, but it sounds like the waiter dealt with it well anyway.