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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

479 replies

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:12

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 05/03/2023 08:40

Large groups are always louder than they think they are. It's really easy to get absorbed in your own atmosphere.

Coffeellama · 05/03/2023 08:40

Who said the couple wanted to eat in silence? You were drinking and talking over the music, they probably couldn’t hear eachother talk. Seen as you think your table was more important you probably were being too loud.

twitterexile · 05/03/2023 08:41

Loud and obnoxious people never think that they are loud or obnoxious.

As an aside, what kind of 'naice' restaurant has music so loud that you need to shout at each other to be heard?

ShakespearesBlister · 05/03/2023 08:41

So now you think your needs should outweigh the needs of others? You know how you are starting to look now, don't you?

Sparklfairy · 05/03/2023 08:42

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests.

You said this. I think you have to accept you were disturbing other guests tbh.

HoldingTheDoor · 05/03/2023 08:42

I very much doubt that the couple expected to eat in complete silence. There is a happy medium.

I'd expect a large group to be louder than your average table but there's still a limit to how much noise they should be making. Clearly your noise was excessive when the staff felt the need to talk to you about disturbing other guests.

almondfinger · 05/03/2023 08:43

DH and I were out for dinner a few months ago there was a table of 6 who were v v loud. There was drink taken and they were howling with laughter. Initially I was thinking ‘keep it down’. But then thought this is going to go down as one of those great nights out in their friendship group. They are having a ball and good for them. They were finished their food so we just got on with ours. They left after about 30 mins.

it’s a pity this happed to you. The venue sounds wonky. I’d leave a review. Dont take large bookings if you don’t want noise.

Lizziet64 · 05/03/2023 08:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:43

I’m not saying we weren’t loud.

But why take a big booking and have a large table with that volume of music and then ask them to be quiet? Just all odd and mismanaged.

We’re not MORE important but we are AS important and it’s not how I would have handled it, is all.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:44

twitterexile · 05/03/2023 08:41

Loud and obnoxious people never think that they are loud or obnoxious.

As an aside, what kind of 'naice' restaurant has music so loud that you need to shout at each other to be heard?

That’s what I mean! It was odd. Trendy place though, in a trendy city.

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 05/03/2023 08:45

Because they didn’t realise you would be as loud as you were. Do you honestly think no group booking is ever ‘too loud’ because the restaurant has music and took the booking?

carriedout · 05/03/2023 08:46

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:43

I’m not saying we weren’t loud.

But why take a big booking and have a large table with that volume of music and then ask them to be quiet? Just all odd and mismanaged.

We’re not MORE important but we are AS important and it’s not how I would have handled it, is all.

You were loud. You were asked to be a bit quieter.

I honestly think you are an arse if you leave a negative review because you were asked to be a bit quieter.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/03/2023 08:46

You just have been pretty loud and obnoxious if the waiter risked pissing you off and losing his tip on a £800 table!

Okunevo · 05/03/2023 08:47

FurAndFeathers · 05/03/2023 08:34

You were in physical pain because someone laughed?

aye, right

Show quote history

I'm autistic

Glitteratitar · 05/03/2023 08:47

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:38

Well tbh I do slightly think that the needs of a large table to be able to converse in a loud restaurant outweigh the needs of a couple to eat dinner in silence.

Which is why I suspect it was a VIP customer as I can’t imagine telling a group to pipe down unless they were being actually obnoxious (swearing/shouting).

If they want a quiet atmosphere then banging dance tunes and large tables aren’t conducive to this.

So you do think that as a large table you were more important and should have been allowed to disturb other guests because hey, there’s loads of you and you need to be able to chat freely.

You were loud Op and you were told so. It’s mortifying but I highly doubt you were at an acceptable level for someone to
complain. What type of restaurant do you work at?

IWineAndDontDine · 05/03/2023 08:47

I think it's the restaurants responsibility to set the vibe for the restaurant and if they want quiet dining they can, they won't attract big lively tables etc but I guess that's up to them. Just don't go there again and aim for somewhere a little more lively! What annoys me is when people start telling others to be quiet themselves. Its not up to the punter to decide what customers they want/don't want around them.

HoldingTheDoor · 05/03/2023 08:48

Because clearly you were being excessively loud, beyond the usual noise expected of a large group.

I've sat in many a restaurant with large groups. Even though I have autism and I'm noise sensitive I can usually tune them out after a while but now and again you do get a group who either don't realise that they're being so loud that they're drowning everyone in the place out or they don't care. Manners and consideration still apply, no matter how big the group is.

Okunevo · 05/03/2023 08:48

Some laughs are just as bad as a child screeching

RRRException · 05/03/2023 08:48

Tbh having to shout at each other to be heard in a restaurant would be enough to put me off going there again - never mind an annoying group/waiter etc

I love dance tunes but I love being able to talk to people I’m eating with more

RudsyFarmer · 05/03/2023 08:49

I would have previously agreed with you except on a recent meal out a group of three middle aged women were so loud it really ruined the occasion. So a group of nine being loud must have been annoying for others im sure. Next time stay in and order out

Bunnycat101 · 05/03/2023 08:50

The loud music is a bit odd as you’d have thought they’d have turned it down.

but… I would say some people genuinely don’t think they’re loud but are. I am quiet and from a quiet family. My husband is loud as is his parents. Partly because I think their hearing isn’t great but I’ve had to tell them to dial it down. Did you have any likely debates? That often ramps up the volume if people are particularly passionate about a topic and have had a drink.

Leftoverssandwich · 05/03/2023 08:50

I think when you have a big happy group it’s really easy to get loud without realising. It doesn’t mean you’re intrinsically obnoxious, but it also doesn’t mean you’re not unintentionally irritating others. I have been both irritated by loud groups near me, and also been asked to keep it down when having a great time with a group of friends. It’s just how life is when we’re all in shared spaces. Just put it down to a moment in time.

Okunevo · 05/03/2023 08:50

HoldingTheDoor · 05/03/2023 08:48

Because clearly you were being excessively loud, beyond the usual noise expected of a large group.

I've sat in many a restaurant with large groups. Even though I have autism and I'm noise sensitive I can usually tune them out after a while but now and again you do get a group who either don't realise that they're being so loud that they're drowning everyone in the place out or they don't care. Manners and consideration still apply, no matter how big the group is.

I'm autistic too. I've gone out in large groups and can usually manage, I don't want to stay home and miss out. I agree, it is only certain groups who ruin it for others.

outwiththeoldinwiththenewish · 05/03/2023 08:50

@Ihatethenewlook my point was that he could have been more diplomatic. There's a whole different feel between 'guys, noticed the volumes creeping up, can you be mindful of our guests?' to 'someone has made a complaint' - massive vibe kill, when the first way would have achieved the same result.

Original poster
EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:51

So you do think that as a large table you were more important and should have been allowed to disturb other guests because hey, there’s loads of you and you need to be able to chat freely.

Well, yes quite honestly. It was a restaurant at 9pm, not a church or a library.

OP posts:
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