Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

I’d much rather listen to a table full of loud people having a nice time than kids watching drivel on YouTube with no headphones so the parents don’t have to look after or entertain them at the table.

Out for a relatively nice meal last weekend and two kids at the next table with tablets blaring God knows what across the restaurant - and their Mum had the cheek to argue back when another table asked her to turn it down!

What a bunch of fun sponges on here!

After the pandemic people have lost their common sense. Some people are loud and simply don’t care that they are disturbing others. We all go out to have a nice time. We don’t go out to listen to other people’s loud conversations. There are some people, we call them “look at me, I am having so much fun” type who are just obnoxious and have zero common sense. Women are the worst. We now leave a restaurant if it is loud. If the waiter is not doing anything to make a nice pleasant atmosphere for everybody, we do not go back.
there is also another thing to consider: if you pay peanuts for a meal, you can’t expect to have quality people in that place. No offence but it’s true.
So yes, YABVU!

Don’t worry op

id rather have a dinner with you than the menu on offer here. Starter, silence, main course misery with a side helping of spite, dessert, are you kidding me?

Which restaurant was it OP?

I think the restaurant should understand the noise factor of a happy large group when they accepted your booking. Large groups are always going to make more noise. If it's a place that plays loud music it probably wasn't a good idea on either their part to accept your booking or yours to choose this type of restaurant. Some restaurants have small rooms for parties/reunions. There are also some restaurants near me that are very noisy and fun with loads of birthdays and in that kind of place no one would bat an eyelid. Hope you find somewhere more suitable next time OP!

Why the heck should they ? And I very much doubt it.

I think the restaurant is in the wrong.

A large round table for 10 in the centre of the restaurant is always going to create noise. You can't chat with anyone beyond your direct neighbours without having to be a bit louder.

A long table -you can generally chat to 5 people around you at okay volume.

So the set up of a large round table makes it noisy by default.

So restaurant is setting you up to fail here.

I find that the this behaviour extremely annoying. It can completely ruin your restaurant experience. Loud laughing is and shouting is very disruptive for other diners.

On Sunday DH and I went out for a pub lunch. We were seated next to a table of 10 (family celebration). They were having a blast, everyone shouting down the table to each other, the kids playing cartoons (full volume) on their iPads, one guy with a ridiculously loud bellowing laugh and a woman who shrieked nonstop at everything.

We couldn't honestly hear ourselves think, let alone hold a conversation. We didn't complain because it was a pub at lunchtime, but if we'd spent £100s on our meal, I'd be pretty pissed off.

Maybe feeling that way makes me a fun sponge? Personally I'd expect groups of people to still be aware that others are in the vicinity and trying to enjoy their meal out too.

It's subjective. Everyone has different tolerance levels, so not being challenged in the past doesn't mean that the volume of your group hasn't been too loud for others before. If it's a fancy pants restaurant, a couple on an anniversary meal who were close to a group as large as yours, who were competing with the loud music as well, may well be troubled by the combination of both music and diners. That doesn't mean that you were in the wrong, just that your group were having a detrimental effect on the couples experience.

Amen

I want to know the restaurant! My guess is Socialite Restaurant and Bar (never been there but the description seems to match)

Because we are just humans on this planet, why shouldn't we?
So many people are like Zombie's.

They probably think look at those misery they don't know how to enjoy themselves.

Am afraid you are being a bit naive. The notion that everyone will all get along nicely etc, especially when one group is already cheesed off. It is not a recipe for success. But more, people are strangers. You have no idea who they are. It doesn't mean people are anti social ( although the loud people could be accused of that ). Just sensible.
You could find yourself wedging up with people who are not the sort of people you really really do want to know.

Which customer? Those complaining or those being complained about? Both are customers :)

Which customer? Those complaining or those being complained about? Both are customers :)

Exactly my point........ Both are customers, both are right, no if's or buts - as everyone expects to be treated as a customer... How are the restaurant to solve this without pissing someone off, being accused of bad service by one side or the other and generally just being wrong for being a restaurant with people in it?

It's why 'The customer is always right' is quite frankly, a load of bollocks 😂.

The big party may well have been intrusively loud, or the complainers precious and over reacting, or simply a bit of both - but, both are right 🤷🏼‍♀️

Situations like this makes working with the public such fun, and although it's always been a thing to be dealt with, my God, it's increased so much and it's not just shrugged off and put down to experience and taken as just being a part of life and sharing space with others, it's plastered all over the internet, places and staff are 'named and shamed', people are 'devastated', 'furious', demand someone pay (literally and figuratively) and have had their meal/day/life ruined. The way people overreact to stuff like this is mind blowing. 🤯

Exactly what does a little quite mean exactly.

How will the couple being asked to turn it down know exactly how loud that should be?

Perhaps everyone should just stay at home.

even if we were a bit loud, so what? It’s a restaurant, not a church. One with loud dance music ambience to boot (not nightclub level but loud enough. We weren’t shouting or screaming.

8 or 9 people roaring with laughter is loud. Saying you had to speak louder because of the music means, yes, indeed your party were loud. Being asked to tone it down means you were loud. Loud enough to be annoying, no matter what excuses you make.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests.

I guess you really were disturbing other guests.

I wasn't there, so can't say exactly how reasonable the request was; but in general I would not find it offensive if someone asked that the conversational noise of a group that I was in should be kept down. I would probably be hurt if someone complained that I, as an individual, was speaking too loudly.

Although I've never actually complained to staff or diners about it, I do find merry party groups in restaurants rather loud and disturbing: more so than the children who more often attract complaints on MN.

There are way more annoying things than people laughing and enjoying a social gathering. Perhaps guests need preparing that they are only allowed to have a moderately good time 😆 or perhaps turn the music off. Then diners don't have to talk over it.

The only preparation needed is for all guests to realise the world doesn't revolve around them and that they are sharing a space - and the staff - with other people because that's the whole intention of a restaurant and not demand everything their own way and then get bent out of shape when it's not because they're a customer and they're paying. But that goes against the sacred belief that the customer is always right.

It's a no win situation for the restaurant and staff really, but could be made better by people on both sides being a little bit tolerant and accepting that other people make noise and sometimes that noise is too much even if you don't realise in the moment and therefore you'll be asked to consider others. That's the issue, no one is interested in considering others while demanding they're considered by others.

And for people to stop over reacting to other people making a bit of noise or being politely asked to keep it down a bit - imo neither is unreasonable, but, I don't have an opinion if I'm the one serving because I'm wrong which ever way I jump.

@Maverickess well quite the world doesn’t revolve round any of us. So many people on here think otherwise however. We share a fairly densely populated island so are bound to irritate each other from time to time. But on here being mildly annoying invokes attack on moral character.

I find other people annoying sometimes. I imagine other people find me annoying too, it would be pretty weird if I was so perfect they didn’t?

Mumsnet has no shades of grey though it’s all right or wrong and the truth is usually in the middle.