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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

479 replies

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:12

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

OP posts:
fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 08:52

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:38

Well tbh I do slightly think that the needs of a large table to be able to converse in a loud restaurant outweigh the needs of a couple to eat dinner in silence.

Which is why I suspect it was a VIP customer as I can’t imagine telling a group to pipe down unless they were being actually obnoxious (swearing/shouting).

If they want a quiet atmosphere then banging dance tunes and large tables aren’t conducive to this.

You must have been incredibly loud if they were annoyed with you and could hear you over the music

Barannca · 05/03/2023 08:52

If they want a quiet, calm atmosphere then they shouldn't accept large groups or have Lou's music playing. I'm not sure what they expect. If they accept a group of 9 and have Lou's music playing of course there will be noise. They were being unreasonable

Beachbreak2411 · 05/03/2023 08:52

Believe me; waiter wouldn’t have mentioned it unless you were being loud! We HATE doing it; but if multiple people complained and you were being annoying… why should the restaurant have to go around giving our free drinks because you were ruining someone else’s experience?

Everyonesinvited · 05/03/2023 08:53

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:26

I absolutely don’t think we’re more important.

But as a restaurant manager if I’d had a couple complain about the noise, unless the party were out of order I would have appeased or moved the couple rather than disturb the party.

We weren’t being antisocial; we were with our elderly parents for a start so best behaviour (no swearing!). Drinks were had but not drunkenness particularly.

I dunno. We won’t go back. But that’s £200 odd quid down and a bad vibe so I’ve stewed on it a bit this morning.

You're massively overreacting.

You were asked to alter your behaviour slightly so other diners could also enjoy their evening. You did so. The end. No shame in that, you just happened to be causing annoyance to another customer. It's a pity that you seem to think the other customer should have had to suck it up as in your position, I would have wanted to have known. But then I wouldn't have reacted so badly. People have to rub along together which in some cases means making adjustments. I would expect the restaurant to at least attempt to accommodate everyone. You may be unaware of how much an evening can be spoilt for others by noise.

Yes, the person making the complaint could have been a regular who needs to be satisfied.

Leave a review on the food, courtesy of the staff etc. Complaining you were asked to be quiet only makes you look like a problem.

Glitteratitar · 05/03/2023 08:53

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:51

So you do think that as a large table you were more important and should have been allowed to disturb other guests because hey, there’s loads of you and you need to be able to chat freely.

Well, yes quite honestly. It was a restaurant at 9pm, not a church or a library.

So with that admission and that level of entitlement, I suspect you were much louder than you admit and you know it. You just want us all to encourage you to leave a negative review for the restaurant.

Original poster
EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:55

I’m not going to complain about being asked to be quiet. But I am going to mention the
loud music.

And we/I didn’t react badly. We were falling over ourselves to apologise and spent the rest of the meal in subdued embarrassment. And left without dessert.

OP posts:
Okunevo · 05/03/2023 08:56

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:51

So you do think that as a large table you were more important and should have been allowed to disturb other guests because hey, there’s loads of you and you need to be able to chat freely.

Well, yes quite honestly. It was a restaurant at 9pm, not a church or a library.

How ridiculous. Where are others supposed to eat out then? They can hardly go to a church or a library instead.

Thisismeyeah · 05/03/2023 08:56

You were clearly too loud and obnoxious. I'm sure it was all a good laugh between you all and an enjoyable evening but clearly not for other diners. When we all get together, we always try and get a private room or space or a kid friendly pub venue where it doesn't matter so much.

Elsiebear90 · 05/03/2023 08:56

I think without being there it’s hard to say, everyone’s perception of noise is different, I know some people who talk incredibly quietly to the point where I can barely hear what they are saying even though they’re right next to me, when I politely tell them I can’t hear they they are shocked and think they are using a normal speaking volume. I know other people who speak so loudly you can hear their entire conversation from the other side of the restaurant.

I would imagine you were being fairly loud, which wouldn’t have been an issue in another restaurant that was more relaxed, it was just that the atmosphere of that restaurant wasn’t right for your group, so I just wouldn’t go there again as a larger group.

fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 08:56

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:55

I’m not going to complain about being asked to be quiet. But I am going to mention the
loud music.

And we/I didn’t react badly. We were falling over ourselves to apologise and spent the rest of the meal in subdued embarrassment. And left without dessert.

That's fine say the music was a bit loud

HoldingTheDoor · 05/03/2023 08:58

Manners and consideration still apply in restaurants after 9pm. They aren't reserved for churches and libraries.

Everyonesinvited · 05/03/2023 08:58

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:55

I’m not going to complain about being asked to be quiet. But I am going to mention the
loud music.

And we/I didn’t react badly. We were falling over ourselves to apologise and spent the rest of the meal in subdued embarrassment. And left without dessert.

That was a massive overreaction!

Coffeellama · 05/03/2023 08:58

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:55

I’m not going to complain about being asked to be quiet. But I am going to mention the
loud music.

And we/I didn’t react badly. We were falling over ourselves to apologise and spent the rest of the meal in subdued embarrassment. And left without dessert.

I think if you are going to bother complaining about the music you should mention being asked to be quiet too, cos youl sound daft otherwise. ‘That really loud table that we even had to ask to be quiet had the cheek to leave a review saying WE were too loud with the music, they could have just asked us to turn it down. Why say nothing at the time and then complain about the music the next day?’

But really I’d just chalk it up to experience and move on.

carriedout · 05/03/2023 08:58

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:55

I’m not going to complain about being asked to be quiet. But I am going to mention the
loud music.

And we/I didn’t react badly. We were falling over ourselves to apologise and spent the rest of the meal in subdued embarrassment. And left without dessert.

No one asked you to be embarrassed or subdued.

I think you are behaving really strangely about this. Let it go.

MichelleScarn · 05/03/2023 08:58

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:43

I’m not saying we weren’t loud.

But why take a big booking and have a large table with that volume of music and then ask them to be quiet? Just all odd and mismanaged.

We’re not MORE important but we are AS important and it’s not how I would have handled it, is all.

I think unless every table was at your volume to be able to talk and be heard then you must have been excessively noisy, otherwise you wouldn't have stood out?

BellePeppa · 05/03/2023 08:59

Did anyone in your party have a loud, booming voice/laugh that travels? It could have been that rather than your entire table? That one loud person can be really annoying!

ChickenDhansak82 · 05/03/2023 08:59

If the music was loud then if they accepted a booking of 9 people on a table they should expect the conversations to also be loud as otherwise how else can you hear each other?!?!

I think the complaint was unacceptable, especially if they were taking £800 from your party!

I would be leaving a 2* review saying nice food but very loud music so had to talk quite loudly to have a group conversation then got told off for talking too loudly which was rather rude.

NomadicSpirit · 05/03/2023 09:00

I think you answered your own question with:

"I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink"

The waiter didn't just nod and smile, so you probably were really disturbing others.

None of us can know for certain though.

carriedout · 05/03/2023 09:00

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:51

So you do think that as a large table you were more important and should have been allowed to disturb other guests because hey, there’s loads of you and you need to be able to chat freely.

Well, yes quite honestly. It was a restaurant at 9pm, not a church or a library.

You sound rude/entitled here.

Perhaps the issue is you are just not aware of the usual standards of behaviour expected in expensive restaurants.

MichelleScarn · 05/03/2023 09:01

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 08:55

I’m not going to complain about being asked to be quiet. But I am going to mention the
loud music.

And we/I didn’t react badly. We were falling over ourselves to apologise and spent the rest of the meal in subdued embarrassment. And left without dessert.

Now that just sounds truculent, much like 5yo DC when asked to be a bit quieter....
'FINE! I'll just not say another word at all AGAIN!!!'

DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy · 05/03/2023 09:01

I think it's impossible for the party involved to say how loud or quiet they were being. It's also very dependent on the acoustics of the room. Your voices could have been reverberating around the room ( on top of the music) and you could have been blissfully unaware. All I can say is my heart sinks if I turn up at a restaurant and there is a large group sat near me. They always dominate the room, and there's often one person in the group who particularly likes the sound of their own voice.

ClairDeLaLune · 05/03/2023 09:02

It wasn’t the Crazy Bear was it? I won’t go there again because the music is too loud. You have to shout for your companions to hear. Then everyone shouts. It’s horrible. YANBU OP, they should’ve turned the music down.

Barannca · 05/03/2023 09:03

YABVU. You were out of order because you were too loud and disturbing other diners.
But what is OP's party supposed to do.? If the music was so loud they had to shout to be heard? Sit in silence and eat? A group of nine will make noise the restaurant shouldn't have accepted a large booking if they want quiet and they shouldn't play very loud music.
OP said the group wasn't swearing or being abusive go anyone just loud to make themselves heard. I think the restaurant is at fault here not the OP or hee family

Original poster
EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/03/2023 09:04

carriedout · 05/03/2023 09:00

You sound rude/entitled here.

Perhaps the issue is you are just not aware of the usual standards of behaviour expected in expensive restaurants.

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣

Yes we are uneducated yobbos who would have neen more at home in a Harvester. Give over.

OP posts:
Thisismeyeah · 05/03/2023 09:05

I hate this online review attitude, why not contact the venue first and explain your grievance and offer them feedback first so that they can make improvements. If then based on their response you feel the need to leave a review then go ahead. Small businesses can really be affected by negative reviews and all just because you were ruining the dining experience for others and asked to be conciderate.

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