Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

My dad wears hearing aids and hates to be in a loud restaurant as they amplify everything, he can be pretty embarrassing loudly moaning about 'loud' groups when it's actually not even that loud, I wouldn't think anymore about it!

Yes! And thing is as a group they are probably all used to it. But to a stranger it spoils everything

This what I'm thinking. It could have been one individual it particular that was shrieking and guffawing louder than everyone else and that was really irritating rather than the whole group. It was you wasn't it OP? 🤣

We had this on my DMs birthday. We were next to a very large table of blokes (who were loud and obnoxious -not saying you were, they definitely were (think leering and making comments to a young woman who came in and was waiting for friends)). We really. Struggled to hear ourselves talk, but put up with it, until they then also started playing football videos loudly on their phones. At this point we did complain to the manager who did nothing, he was useless; so my husband politely asked them to not play videos. They got v aggressive at this and harassed us when we left and one actually followed my DH out the restaurant and attacked him!

I'm not saying you were like this of course not, and that was extreme, but if you were a large group and the music was loud I imagine you were pretty loud trying to talk to each other - ie one end of the table to the other, which probably was having a negative affect on this other table.

So thinking about it logically, their behaviour was out of order to the point that the waiter decided it was better to have to confront the op’s family rather than have an entire ‘high end restaurant’ (in the op’s own words) being disturbed by their rowdiness. I guarantee that the waiter would have found the situation 100x more awkward than the op’s family. If the music was honestly that loud that people had to shout at each other to be heard, then why was in only the op’s party who had been approached? If you want a mass family gathering with lots of shouting and laughter (which is absolutely fine, it sounds like a good night), then go to a pub somewhere, not a £30 a main restaurant where other people want to eat in peace. This is what makes me rage about people on here complaining about children in high end restaurants. I’ve NEVER been disturbed by a child in a restaurants. It’s always large groups of rowdy adults.

I absolutely don’t think we’re more important.

But as a restaurant manager if I’d had a couple complain about the noise, unless the party were out of order I would have appeased or moved the couple rather than disturb the party.

We weren’t being antisocial; we were with our elderly parents for a start so best behaviour (no swearing!). Drinks were had but not drunkenness particularly.

I dunno. We won’t go back. But that’s £200 odd quid down and a bad vibe so I’ve stewed on it a bit this morning.

I don’t mind a noisy group in a restaurant, with music on, it’s to be expected at times.

However, I do dislike doing to a cafe during the day and having someone in there who talks SO loudly that their whole conversation can be heard. It’s usually just one person in a group or in a couple though and I wish their companions would tell them to keep it down. These people always seem to be talking incessantly about themselves too

I absolutely don’t think we’re more important.

But as a restaurant manager if I’d had a couple complain about the noise, unless the party were out of order I would have appeased or moved the couple rather than disturb the party.

So you don’t think you are more important, but you do think you should be treated as such even though you were causing the disturbance? What happens if a second couple then complain? Empty the restaurant rather than asking you to quieten down a bit? Also if your bill was less than £300 for £30 main courses and alcoholic drinks for 9 people I think you got a bit of a bargain there

Was this lady in your party?

Don’t be ridiculous. I’m obviously taking about mine and DHs bill. The entire bill was something like £800.

I just think the whole thing was weird. Odd loud music, standoffish waiters and then being told off for the noise.

You say 'unless the party were out of order' - multiple posters on here have told you that possibly in fact you were - not intentionally or consciously but you most likely were a lot louder than you realise.

To be fair, if you want a quiet meal, don’t go out on a Saturday night, but then again if it was a romantic couples first date then it would be annoying. A couple of relatives of mine get loud after a couple of drinks. I wouldn’t take it personally I doubt the waiter enjoyed having to ask you to keep the noise down, but if they’d received a complaint then they had to act.

Haha yes I always think this when it's just one person out of a whole group who you can hear, so not only are the the only one talking overly loudly but they're always the one completely monopolising the conversation too.

Whenever I walk into a restaurant and I see a big group I always think oh no, I’ve never sat near one that is quieter than a few tables of couples or three or four people.

This is really difficult to tell but as others have said, bigger groups do tend to be louder without realising it. And I think this tends to be worse when they are very familiar with each other (like with the OP's family group) as their guards are down a bit. It's possible that one party have been a bit arsehole-ish and complained when you weren't really doing anything wrong but for the waiter to agree enough to say something to you, it does sound like you were probably a bit out of line.

YABVU. You were out of order because you were too loud and disturbing other diners.

And because you’re bitter about being told to keep it at a reasonable volume you’re going to leave a bad review. Shame on you.

You were in physical pain because someone laughed?

aye, right

Erm, I absolutely don't think we are more important but they should have moved the complainant somewhere else, does sound a little self important? It does sound more like you might not realise how loud you actually were?

Why post at all if you are so totally unwilling to accept that you were just too loud? It’s not like they kicked you out, they just asked you to be quieter. If the music was so horribly loud one of you could have asked for it to be turned down.

I expect you were a lot louder than you imagine you were.

Just take it on the chin.

Impossible to judge without being there.

Being asked to keep it down a bit isn't really something to be offended by, and it certainly shouldn't spoil your evening. I would have asked the waiter to pass on our apologies to the table who complained but suggest they turn down the music to prevent people needing to raise their voices.

Well tbh I do slightly think that the needs of a large table to be able to converse in a loud restaurant outweigh the needs of a couple to eat dinner in silence.

Which is why I suspect it was a VIP customer as I can’t imagine telling a group to pipe down unless they were being actually obnoxious (swearing/shouting).

If they want a quiet atmosphere then banging dance tunes and large tables aren’t conducive to this.

I doubt a waiter would intervene unless it was true. You were likely louder that you think you were.

It's not a big deal, sometimes big tables are unintentionally loud. Next time just book somewhere a bit more relaxed.