Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

This. My heart sinks too. I don’t even like going for a meal as a very large group as I know how annoying it is for other diners 😂
As others have said, for the waiter to approach a table, it must have been loud and annoying.

I agree with @twitterexile I don’t recall ever going to a half decent restaurant that plays loud music! Sounds vile.

You compared a restaurant to a library or church.

The waiter asked you to behave like you were in a restuarant.

You then got embarrassed and subdued.

You now want to complain.

I hate when restaurants have music so loud you can't comfortably talk. But I struggle with my hearing, and I'm autistic so it really gets me. I love tgi food but it's just too bloody loud in there. You should have said "could you turn the music down then please so we can hear eachother talking"

I agree with you OP:

1. The vibe of the place with loud dance music
2. Large table booking on a Saturday night

Probably one of those exceptionally noice sensitive MNetters that complained.

Rubbish is put a damper on your evening.

Do “naice” restaurants ever have loud music?

Once went out as a group of 8 sat next to another group similar size and they were definitely louder than us but one of them had a loud booming voice and false sounding laugh that honestly spoiled the meal for us as we couldn’t hear ourselves speak over him and it was so distracting. Anyone like that in your party?

We asked to move tables when we were out for my bday a few years ago and three shrieking and hysterically laughing women sat next to us. I'm sure they had had a lovely afternoon on the cocktails (from what they said) before coming out for a meal, but we couldn't even speak over them.

The staff were really put out when we asked but they also didn't ask the table to tone it down. Instead, we were the ones left feeling awkward which seems unfair.

For a waiter to ask your table to tone it down, there must have been a right racket. If you refuse to accept that then by all means phone the restaurant and ask what was going on and suggest they turn the music down in future.

Really poor service there from the restaurant. The least they could have done was turn the music down, and if they had to ask you to be more quiet for another dinner do it with an apology and a glass of something. Perhaps the waiter was quite inexperienced.

It must have been uncomfortably loud for them to ask you to keep it down. I think you are being over sensitive and in your position I would be feeling upset that we’d upset other diners rather than aggrieved, but then I think about other people.

The Crazy Bear does. We were the only ones still there late one summer afternoon and asked if they could turn it down, it was so loud it was giving me a headache. We were told no they weren’t allowed as the owner likes it loud. I’m not going there again!

OP I'm on your side. If you weren't pissed and were there with elderly relatives then I can't imagine your noise levels were more than happy exuberance so it will have been the talking over the loud music that was the issue and entirely the restaurant's fault. I would definitely complain and leave a bad review.

I HATE overly loud music in restaurants especially if it's shitey pop music.

Big tables are loud. 9 people trying to have a conversation will be loud. That's fine. But if they can't move other people is it really that offensive to be asked to keep it down? I would take it that we didn't realise we were loud and bring the volume down. Bloody hell, think how bad it must have been for other guests to complain.
Or, you could have asked them to turn the music down. YABU to leave a bad review based in feeling annoyed about being asked to be quieter. I often read reviews and sometimes guests give bad reviews where it is pretty obvious they are trying to "get back at" restaurant for similar reasons. Quite often the restaurant comes back with a very different scenario.
Either way, we won't know as we weren't there.

Lots of nice restaurants have private dining rooms. Perfect for family get together's. Would really recommend. It is so relaxed and you can move around a bit easier to get to chat to everyone.

I went to the naice gentrified Indian food place. There was a table of about 10 people and they were shouting it makes it worse because 10 voices all competing to be heard. The cheaper curry quieter house down the road is better with no shouting although the decor isn't as fancy.

If the bill was £800 and you didnt have a desert, you each drank £50+ of alcohol over a couple of hours? That would put it into perspective and you were probably louder then you realised.

They probably turned the music up to drown you out, when that failed they had to ask you to pipe down.

I’ve not heard of a restaurant having to ask people to keep it down before, so I have to assume you were louder than normal.

Good point!

It amazes me when people post on mumsnet this type of stuff as people will tie themselves in knots to put the OP in the wrong. If the OP was ‘Aibu to complain that the table next to me were talking and laughing a bit loudly’ the op would be told they were being a miserable party pooper.

I hope you didn’t leave a tip, we’ve all been in that situation of being near a larger table. Most normal people think ‘how nice they are having such a lovely time’.

Modern British society. Obnoxiously loud (you were, even if you didn't think so) and instead of apologising and toning it down, you feel aggrieved and want to write a scathing review. Can't anyone cope with being told they've done something wrong nowadays.

@donttellmehesalive nope the scourge of modern British society is being ridiculously intolerant of everyone else. We have to all share the world and that includes putting up with minor inconvenience.

Agree with this tbh.

I never understand why so many restaurants and cafes have such loud music playing in the background these days.

You can't relax, have a conversation and you have to shout to be heard over the music.

That said, your table probably was extra loud because of the number of people and birthday celebration so you probably added to the noise ...

The restaurant should always try to seat big tables enjoying celebrations a little bit apart from other tables but if that was not possible, then it is reasonable of the staff to ask you to keep it down if other customers are complaining . They are just doing their jobs.

Usually if people complain there is a good reason to it as most people just want to have their meal in peace rather than have to start making complaints about other people.

It is no big deal and you and your guests should just have taken it in good spirit and try to keep the noise down.

You can tell from the way OP writes though that she's far from em entitled yob?

I agree that people here twist things and tie themselves in knots to make original posters look as bad as possible. Why though? Own lives a bit crappy in reality?

we’ve all been in that situation of being near a larger table

Obviously but there's still a difference between the noise you'd expect from a large group and excessive noise that becomes obnoxious and drowns everyone else out. I've been in restaurants with both and they're very different.

If your criteria of being annoying is only if you're shouting swear words down the table at each other and throwing food then you've set the bar really really low. That sort of behaviour would even get you thrown out of my local Wetherspoons! Decent restaurants will have a much lower threshold of accepted behaviour so yours was probably much more annoying and unacceptable than you realise.

Maybe they were turning the music up louder and louder as the evening went on to drown out your tables noise, so other diners didn't feel like your party's loud laughs and shrieks were dominating the restaurant.