Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

We weren't there so can't judged.

But in my experience groups are always loud. It's the nature of the beast.

None of us were there. You paint a picture of a happy family gathering being told to shut up because a shadowy vip guest wanted to eat in silence. You talk about weird vibes and mismanagement. Might all be true. But it's more likely that you were just being too loud, louder than a group of 9 would normally be, a bit irritating to nearby guests. You were asked to tone it down a bit not eat in silence.

Also it would be completely unreasonable to leave a bad review. The staff was simply responding to complaints from other customers.

That shows a little bit of entitlement in my opinion from your part and a lack of self-reflection to consider doing this...

The restaurant would probably just post a reply anyway saying that your table generated noise complaints and that you were rightly informed that you were disturbing other people.

@donttellmehesalive you weren’t there either 👍🏻

Just what I was about to type.

I highly doubt the waiter would have told them to be quiet if they weren’t being unreasonably loud.

your table generated noise complaints

Again, hyperbole. It may well have been just one total misery who complained.

I think if I read a review from someone saying they'd been asked to tone it down because other guests had complained, I'd be more likely to eat there. It's good that they addressed complaints. It sounds like they were aiming for compromise - you being a bit quieter not thrown out, other guests able to hear their own conversations. Unless they asked you in a rude way, YABU.

YABVU to leave a review complaining about something you didn't address at the time. Maybe. Just maybe. You WERE being loud. Even more maybe, you could have asked for the music to be turned down.

As someone who's worked for nearly 20 years in hospitality, I can promise you no wait staff would have asked you to calm it down, if you weren't causing a disturbance to others.

Maybe your voices carry, maybe you were sat under a speaker and therefore sounded louder across the restaurant than you did in your own space. There's lots of possibilities.

Your lack of understanding of this, plus an "after the fact" review about something not addressed on the evening, makes me call absolute BS on "you've worked in hospitality" tbh.

The people who complained were entitled arseholes and the waiter was pandering to them.

I think going out to eat should be a joyous occasion, that means laughter, and socialising makes noise!

A lovely place I went to recently had a couple who were obviously regulars as the waiter fawned over them like Basil Fawlty. They had faces like a slapped arse, muttering to each other under their breath and kept pointedly glaring at a group of two tipsy couples who were laughing and joking with each other, enjoying their evening. I liked the energy the happy diners brought!

If this was positive energy as you describe then I think YANBU.

Easy to rack up a bill with starters, side dishes, champagne etc without necessary tanning a huge amount of actual units of alcohol, if it's a relatively expensive place.

We have to all share the world and that includes putting up with minor inconvenience.

It also means having consideration for others and yes, sometimes groups don't realise just how loud they're being. That's ok. It's easily done but I'd expect them to tone it down a bit when staff request them to do so. No one is expecting silence but there is a happy medium.

Op, you don’t think you were loud. Other people disagreed. As did the waiter, possibly whoever in charge also agreed.

You weren’t ‘shamed’. You were asked to keep down.

Making up a narrative about VIP customers is weird. Rather than, they disagreed with you and you were noisy. It’s even possible that more than one table complained, but the waiter thought it would be more embarrassing to say ‘several tables have complained about the noise’.

Big groups often think they should be given further accommodations, than others, because they have a big bill. But often when you break down to per person, large groups spend less. They can also be difficult to look after and need more attention. Couples or groups of 4 are often the highest ‘spend per head’ and are more profitable.

As someone who's worked for nearly 20 years in hospitality, I can promise you no wait staff would have asked you to calm it down, if you weren't causing a disturbance to others

What absolute nonsense! If another table requested it, regardless of whether that was reasonable or not, many waiting staff would simply do as they were asked!

It does sound like it'd be wise of them to turn down the music too though.

Many restaurants have bad acoustics and places with tons of wood (all bar one) are not good for bouncing noise around.

No-one goes put for the evening to be told off by the waiter though. It might not have bothered me in my early twenties when I was probably genuinely a drunken arse but I'd be absolutely affronted if it happened to me now, during a meal with elderly relatives.

I know some people who are loud all the time. They don't mean to be; they just are, even when talking naturally. They're very extroverted, so they love chatting, and my God, they dominate a room all the bloody time. I can't hear myself think in their presence, so I either join in with their conversation or leave - it's impossible to ignore them. Yes, they get even louder after they've drunk something.

I suspect this kind of projection is something to do with lung capacity or something else physical, so potentially something that runs in their families. Having never met their blood relatives, I can't prove the theory, but if a whole group of them got together for a meal, I'd bet money they'd drown people out. And I don't think it's malicious at all or something they can tone down without whispering - I probably wouldn't expect them to realise they were overpowering a restaurant, as they wouldn't even be shouting.

I'm in two minds about the music.

If the music were turned down, yes, no one would need to shout. But it could have been providing background noise to muffle the words of your noisy table, and it might actually make your table more annoying to everyone else.

Nine is a large table. But it's generally not large enough for private dining. Putting a big group in a side room is often the solution as it keeps their noise contained and it makes it easier to manage the orders. But I think you usually need a dozen people to make it viable. Plus, the restaurant you were at might not have had any such areas built into its design.

Actually, where were you sat? If you were at a table in the middle of the restaurant, they planned that pretty poorly, as the noise was always likely to bother people. You don't want to hide groups in the worst bit next to the toilets, but you do want to think about acoustics when seating people, and I imagine you had made a reservation in advance, given the party number.

It's easier to move a table of two than tell a table of nine to behave better, so for the waiter to speak to you, I think more people must have been upset than you thought and that you were louder than you thought.

I wouldn't complain, but as you say, I probably wouldn't go back. Not necessarily because the restaurant has done anything wrong, but because it's not compatible with want you want to do. (And because it sounds quite expensive - and for something to be that pricey, I don't just want the food to be good, I want everything to be good!)

Did you leave a tip, anyway?

You were obviously disturbing other people. Just accept responsibility and try to be more considerate in future

Providing there weren’t children being loud or your party swearing / chanting, I think the restaurant sound out of order. I was a waitress for years and loved it when we had big tables having a nice time and laughing lots. I also like it as a fellow diner when there is atmosphere in a place. If there was 9 of you and mains were thirty quid ish, your bill must have been near a grand. I would leave a shitty review and say being told off by the waiter left a bad taste. Be prepared for the proprietor to come back though have their say.

I would phone and ask the manager why the person had complained. If they want a quiet tone, this restaurant shouldn’t have loud music or take bookings for 9 people. You don’t sound obnoxious as you were not drinking heavily and had your parents with you.

Basically they want your £££ money but clearly wanted to keep someone else happy at the same time. It doesn’t sound like a cheap place at all so the ambience makes no sense.

Depending on what the manager said, I’d review on Google so other groups know the score.

I'm sure the other diners have a completely different version of events 🤔

If you were asked to calm it down you were being noisier than you think. Shouting does happen when you are a group and speaking to others at the further end of the table.

Others were also out for family celebrations and you were impacting their evening.

I'm a loud person without intending to be. It's irritating for others. We should all me mindful