Why are so many women putting up with ghastly husbands/partners?

[Dottymug]

It's the 21st century. Women have so many more opportunities and choices than they had in the past. So why are so many women posting on here about being sworn at, insulted, betrayed and treated as slaves by men who they've no intention of leaving/chucking out? It's utterly depressing. Don't put up with that shit. Life is too short.

Finances most often. If you can’t afford to rent/buy/pay bills/cover childcare by yourself then leaving is much trickier.

Or coercive control if the partner is abusive.
Fear of unsettling the kids if they’re young.
Fear of having to ‘start over’ and insecurity about being by yourself.
Loving them and hoping they will change.

In an ideal world everyone who was unhappy would leave but in the real world it’s not always so easy.

Because they are trapped. They gave up work or went part time due to the cost of childcare and getting back to work is too difficult/cost of childcare is too much.
They can’t support themselves and their children. Or it means their children going without.
Cost of living is rising and it’s nigh on impossible to support a household on a single wage these days.
That would be my thoughts anyway.

Maybe they’re young? I had a couple of TERRIBLE boyfriends when I was young, totally demeaned myself, can’t quite believe it when I look back. Lust had a lot to do with it.

Because they give up financial independence far too easily

Mostly

This

They like "bad boys" while the aggression is directed outwards? When they set up home and the aggression comes home, it's different

Oh and because we teach girls that bagging a man and having kids is the ultimate goal that must be achieved

And that they should be nice, people pleasing girls always

I think it takes a lot of bravery to instigate the massive upheaval to split a family up. There are many unknowns and sole responsibilities that perhaps some don't feel they can do alone.

I don’t think it’s financial. I think low self esteem and that the barriers to leaving are complicated. Also think that the attitude that leaving is easy makes abuse victims feel blamed and trapped.

All of the above. When I had DS I always knew I would need to make sure I could make it alone. I am happily married but partly because I can always leave. Some women aren't as fortunate or don't realise until it's too late sadly.

They didn't get married and have insecure housing and it is no small thing to think of shifting your children around.

Because they are trapped and/or because they had a traumatic past or a difficult or abusive upbringing with a lack of modelling of healthy relationships.

For me - well justified fear of what he would be like with the children when I wasn't there.

I didn't see his abusive side until I was pregnant.

Eventually the police helped me leave but despite medical evidence and police reports and school disclosures cafcass still felt he was a great dad who should have contact time. Eventually after one bit of abuse too many ds refused to go back.

So don't judge. I don't regret leaving but I hate that in doing so my children were more at risk

Yeah, this.

Some also come to believe that all men are like that.

Turn it around maybe and ask why are so many men behaving with such hatred and so little respect for their wives/partners/mother's of their children or has it always been as bad as this and it's only the advent of the internet that has brought it out into the open.
I think it was Germaine Greer who said we (women) really have no clue how much they (men) hate us.

This mainly, along with lack of financial security and emotional support. Its often compounded by the extended family who tend to have difficult dynamics.

Lots of reasons.

Money. They can't afford to live alone and can't see a way out of the relationship that would sustain their and their DC's lives.

Fear. Abuse can make you stay. You can feel trapped.

Worry about having children coming from split parents for social reasons and the impact on the children.

Lots and lots of other reasons too. Sometimes people don't find it easy to leave a relationship.

@Fizzadora makes a very valid point here. Totally agree.

Because single life is really lonely and sometimes if the bloke has one or two good qualities alongside the shit ones it makes it ‘worth’ staying.

Because some women really don’t have as much choice as you make out in your OP and are physically unattractive, codependent or unintelligent.

Because women’s biological clocks run down much faster than a man’s so she might see it as her last chance and deal with the consequences later.

Because dating now is an App horror show and once you’ve done it once, the thought of going back to it is horrendous.

Also laziness, getting stuck in the habit of being someone and not wanting to face the mess of splitting.

All sorts of reasons 🤷🏼‍♀️

Because they know how difficult life would be as a single parent.

Because they are worried about him having sole care of their children.

Because they are scared he will be more abusive when they leave. Remember the most dangerous time for a woman and her children is when she tries to leave.

Because it’s hard to find somewhere to live with several kids on a part time wag. Or a full time wage plus childcare for several kids.

Because most fathers don’t pay child support and many single mums and their kids live in poverty ( or near it).

Surely these things are kind of obvious @Dottymug ?

This. This is why it’s so important to have your own money and why giving up work (whether you are not) is like playing Russian Roulette. It’s absolutely nuts to rely on someone else’s goodwill and favour for yours and your children’s financial security.

Loads of reasons as people have said.

But the prevailing narrative that most if not all men are useless, lazy, selfish, disengaged, crap dads, “can’t see mess”, are bound to cheat etc leaves lots of women thinking better the devil they know.

Far from LTB being the main response on here I think it’s often “well they’re all a bit like that so don’t expect better for yourself”. So boys grow up watching their mums skivvy for their arsehole dads and the next generation of useless partners is created.

Post about a happy marriage, a decent partner, and you’re told not to be smug or insensitive as a lot of women on here aren’t happy so the general tone is one of negativity about men and relationships and people think well at least mine doesn’t hit me or swear at the kids, and step families and online dating sound shit so it’s easier to put up and shut up.

Whether you are married or not

I think it all boils down to a lack of financial independence and virtually no support network (be it family or friends). Most of these situations arise either during pregnancy or once the couple have children which is no coincidence.