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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you work with people or children you should not be rude?

244 replies

StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 17:12

Why are some people rude in the work place? It’s annoying me!

I visit schools each week to work with children and often have to go in classes to get specific children. There’s a particular person who is always very abrupt and rude to me. She talks to me like I’m one of her yr 2’s. Talking more slowly, emphasising words as if I’m stupid. She never smiles and acts like I am an annoying inconvenience because I’m interrupting her! She also tries to manage when I should visit- I’m more than flexible by the way and totally get some times are not convenient (eg I avoid core subjects sessions) but it’s yr 2 who are doing painting mainly when I’m there.

I spoke to the Head and it turns out this person is not even in a teacher (I had assumed she was the teacher as she’s always quick to respond when I go into the class) she’s the TA for Gods sake! Head then laughed and said she thinks she’s actually in charge and runs the school and rolled her eyes 😂 and offered to have a word with her. (I realise this is not personal and she likes no one)

so if you don’t like people / children why would you work in this environment? I don’t get it.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 02/03/2023 17:17

she’s the TA for Gods sake!
I find this rude, do you think a TA is a lesser being? Are the teacher/TA aware of when you're going to be going into their classroom or does being flexible mean you're just pitching up?

anexcellentwoman · 02/03/2023 17:24

I agree with @MichelleScarn. You sound really rude and patronising about a TA. I wonder what other members of staff think about you. How often do you teach a large class of children and have responsibilities for all of them? So nice to choose when you interrupt a whole class. We had someone similar to you who would drift in and expect the teacher/ TA to drop everything to deal with her. She was not popular.

Anotherschooldilemma · 02/03/2023 17:24

I think sometimes people start off enthusiastic and polite in their jobs. Then as time goes on they lose the enthusiasm and can come across as rude.

Lonelyplanet · 02/03/2023 17:26

You are asking if people working with children should not be rude. You work with children and have just been incredibly rude about a person you work with. The irony!

MrsMiddleMother · 02/03/2023 17:48

Yanbu op of course people working with children and other people should be polite. A one off is understandable, to constantly be rude and abrupt to those around you means you're obviously in the wrong job. Also don't think you were being rude about the fact she's a TA and not the actual teacher

Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 17:49

MichelleScarn · 02/03/2023 17:17

she’s the TA for Gods sake!
I find this rude, do you think a TA is a lesser being? Are the teacher/TA aware of when you're going to be going into their classroom or does being flexible mean you're just pitching up?

It’s not rude, it’s a fact, the teacher is the decision maker not the TA

OP posts:
Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 17:50

Lonelyplanet · 02/03/2023 17:26

You are asking if people working with children should not be rude. You work with children and have just been incredibly rude about a person you work with. The irony!

What did I do that was rude?

OP posts:
Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 17:52

Oh I see, because she’s a TA I’m not allowed to suggest she’s not in fact the decision maker the teacher is. I’m not rude at all, just being factual and I’m polite to every person I come into contact with. Have some great banter with the lunch time supervisors they’re very chatty 😁maybe they enjoy their job though

OP posts:
Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 17:53

MrsMiddleMother · 02/03/2023 17:48

Yanbu op of course people working with children and other people should be polite. A one off is understandable, to constantly be rude and abrupt to those around you means you're obviously in the wrong job. Also don't think you were being rude about the fact she's a TA and not the actual teacher

Exactly - thank you for having a grown up view

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 02/03/2023 17:54

It was the sneery looking down on her for being above her station but let’s hope she isn’t as wilfully ignorant of what she’s doing when you take her down a peg, hey OP?

DuggeeH · 02/03/2023 17:54

I agree with the post. I’ve just left a teaching career of over 15yrs and one of the contributing factors was because of how staff behave towards one another; teach the kids one thing about kindness but couldn’t show it towards each other!

stayathomer · 02/03/2023 17:55

Some people are stressed or tired or fed up with the system, some people are just not people people! I’m not sure it was the best to tell the head teacher though

Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 17:56

user1473878824 · 02/03/2023 17:54

It was the sneery looking down on her for being above her station but let’s hope she isn’t as wilfully ignorant of what she’s doing when you take her down a peg, hey OP?

Don’t be daft! I’m not sneery at all, certainly don’t look down on people, this is more about people punching above their weight surely?

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 02/03/2023 17:56

anexcellentwoman · 02/03/2023 17:24

I agree with @MichelleScarn. You sound really rude and patronising about a TA. I wonder what other members of staff think about you. How often do you teach a large class of children and have responsibilities for all of them? So nice to choose when you interrupt a whole class. We had someone similar to you who would drift in and expect the teacher/ TA to drop everything to deal with her. She was not popular.

Agree. IGnoring her rude behaviour, TAs do a thankless job, and it says a lot about you that you think she's lesser just because she's a TA.

Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 17:57

stayathomer · 02/03/2023 17:55

Some people are stressed or tired or fed up with the system, some people are just not people people! I’m not sure it was the best to tell the head teacher though

Why not? Why should I be spoken to like a 5 year old?

OP posts:
Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 17:57

YouJustDoYou · 02/03/2023 17:56

Agree. IGnoring her rude behaviour, TAs do a thankless job, and it says a lot about you that you think she's lesser just because she's a TA.

Show quote history

Oh god nothing another one who’s completely missed the point. Maybe there’s a lot of TA’s here hence the defensive replies.

OP posts:
Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 18:00

In case anyone has misunderstood the op, I’m the person that’s been rude to, not the other way around. If it was the teacher who made the comments it would be exactly the same scenario. I was shocked she was a TA because she commandeered the role of decision maker, not because she’s a lesser person?!

sometimes this site is like parallel universe 😂

OP posts:
stbrandonsboat · 02/03/2023 18:01

I think people are willfully misinterpreting what the OP has said 🙄

Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 18:02

Actually I think next time it happens I’ll speak to her myself, she’s clearly blissfully unaware she has such an unfortunate manner

OP posts:
Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 18:02

stbrandonsboat · 02/03/2023 18:01

I think people are willfully misinterpreting what the OP has said 🙄

Hooray an intelligent response 🤣

OP posts:
Walkaround · 02/03/2023 18:02

I suspect the problem here is a patronising lack of communication. She might be more polite if her work colleagues kept her informed, rather than agreeing to people coming into the classroom to do things without giving fair warning, or always picking on the painting sessions. If she is the one who has to set up the painting equipment and deal with the tantrums when children are not given the opportunity to finish their painting because they were whisked away for another activity, and she is the one who has to tidy up the painting mess, then I am not surprised if she feels a bit grumpy about it. She certainly shouldn’t show it, of course, but your “she’s only the TA” sentiment is most likely the reason she feels cross. Who cares if the TA has to deal with a child acting out when they keep missing painting? She’s only the TA, and painting isn’t important…

OriginalUsername2 · 02/03/2023 18:02

A TA is lesser than a Teacher in a professional sense and they shouldn’t be acting like they own the place. We’ve all known those types, surely?

I too wonder why women who come across as a-holes to others are in teaching. Maybe they just enjoy being in charge?

itsjustnotok · 02/03/2023 18:04

@StopInvolvingMe I get what you are saying. If you’re expecting to speak to the teacher then you would assume they would be the one in charge. That said it’s your description of the TA that’s the issue and is what makes you come across as rude in the post. ‘Not even’ a teacher sounds rude to me and seemingly a few other people. Your later comment regarding having a ‘grown up view’ also comes across as patronising, it suggests if someone disagrees they aren’t adult . whilst I see your point I’m not sure you’ve done yourself a favour with your language and tone.

Original poster
StopInvolvingMe · 02/03/2023 18:04

Walkaround · 02/03/2023 18:02

I suspect the problem here is a patronising lack of communication. She might be more polite if her work colleagues kept her informed, rather than agreeing to people coming into the classroom to do things without giving fair warning, or always picking on the painting sessions. If she is the one who has to set up the painting equipment and deal with the tantrums when children are not given the opportunity to finish their painting because they were whisked away for another activity, and she is the one who has to tidy up the painting mess, then I am not surprised if she feels a bit grumpy about it. She certainly shouldn’t show it, of course, but your “she’s only the TA” sentiment is most likely the reason she feels cross. Who cares if the TA has to deal with a child acting out when they keep missing painting? She’s only the TA, and painting isn’t important…

That’s not really the case, as I’ve said previously I’m very flexible about timings and liaise with the Head when it’s appropriate for visiting. I’m afraid I’m not responsible for what activities they do and when or whether her colleagues communicate effectively.

OP posts:
stbrandonsboat · 02/03/2023 18:05

In ds1's primary, the bulldog chewing a wasp type was a TA. She was used specifically to fend off any annoying parents and keep them away from the teacher 😂