To have refused to get out of my car for the police in the middle of the night?

[AngeloMysterioso]

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

'Conveniently sidestepping the question as to whether you would call them at 2am if you suspected an intruder at home.'

absolutely - because it's an entirely different scenario. For starters I live on a busy street surrounded by other people and neighbors I know well. There are 4 of us in this house, so I'm rarely alone even a night. I know my house well and have access to rooms with locks. I have access to things I could defend myself with. I have access to multiple devices I could use to call for help. I have a dog that wouldn't take kindly to someone hurting me and would make a hell of a racket summoning the aforementioned neighbours.

So what's your point? I have to blindly trust all people in uniform regardless of the circumstances in order to be able to rely on their services? Does that include doctors, teachers, paramedics, firefighters, officials of every kind?

Or as someone who lives and works in the UK, am I allowed a certain expectation that I can use the services that I help pay for?

So then why stop her if they didn't suspect drink driving?

They just couldn't be arsed waiting for a female police or escorting her to the police station driving slowly.

Many years ago, late at night, I was stopped in a road block. I wound my window down about an inch to speak to the policeman. He could see I was alone and showed him my chain of office to confirm I'd been where I purported to have been. He asked me to wind the window down further; I refused. I explained that apart from the male PCs there was no one else about so I wasn't going to trust anyone whosoever! He agreed and wished me good night. Never heard anymore about it.

Karatema, good on you. What is a chain of office? Google suggests a Mayor's chain?

a lanyard with fob card

They did suspect her, but on talking to her and realising that she swerved to avoid a pothole, they decided she wasn’t drunk.

They are your own personal circumstances so of course you would call the police at 2am. Not the point I was making and I suspect you know it. Can’t be arsed with this any more, it’s ridiculous.

I salute you for your guts and being so assertive. Well done. I think you absolutely did the right thing and if it was me or my daughters in that situation I would absolutely say to do just this.

If the police or anyone wants to tell you off just reply "Sarah Everard" and they can do one.

Anyone voting that you are being unreasonable needs to give their head a wobble. Seriously?! I suspect you are either male and don’t understand or you’ve been living under a rock the past few years completely oblivious the misogyny and murder stories & loss of trust between woman & police. I mean no disrespect to the police force who obviously largely do a good job but they must (and clearly do in this case) understand the (very rational) fear of being alone as a woman especially at night with no one around asides an unfamiliar male- policeman or not.

Well done OP. I'd have done the same.

In my younger days I was stopped by 2 policemen. I wasn't drinking. But I got a producer.
Duly went to present Licence at police station, 1 of the officers stared at me the whole time. He bantered a little I smiled but didn't really respond. Felt a bit uncomfortable.

Late that night around 10pm my doorbell rang, I looked thru spyhole it was him. I stayed silent, didn't open the door. I was young and really scared. Later on in bed after midnight I heard doorbell again. I was petrified. Didn't sleep a wink, in the morning I packed some things went to stay at my parents for a week.

I didn't tell anyone as I didn't want any trouble.

This is terrifying!

YANBU. And that if anyone even bothers making a complaint, and why would you given that it'll liekly be ignored and/or just get you hassle from police.

'Complaints about police officers' treatment of women are highly unlikely to result in action, according to new police data for England and Wales.
The National Police Chiefs' Council says nine in 10 complaints were dropped in the six months to March 2022.
It comes as the former wife of a West Yorkshire Police firearms officer says the force failed to fully investigate her allegations of domestic violence.
West Yorkshire Police says it has now suspended an officer.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-64915126'

Yup. People really need to stop brushing off other women's fears:

More than 1,500 police officers and staff faced complaints about their treatment of women in a six-month period, but less than 1% of them were sacked, figures show.

Data published by the National Police Chiefs Council on Tuesday showed that 653 conduct cases relating to violence against women and girls were brought against against 672 individuals by police forces in England and Wales between October 2021 and March 2022.

There were also 524 complaints made by members of the public against 867 officers and staff in the same time period.

The complaints related to various allegations including sexual harassment, discreditable conduct not in the execution of their duty, and sexual assault.

www.upday.com/uk/more-than-1-500-police-officers-faced-complaints-about-treatment-of-women-but-just-13-sacked?utm_source=upday&utm_medium=referral

'They are your own personal circumstances so of course you would call the police at 2am. Not the point I was making and I suspect you know it. Can’t be arsed with this any more, it’s ridiculous.'

I thought your point was - you shouldn't be 'anti' police because you;d soon want their help if there was an intruder which a best is ignorant because it completely ignores the differences in OPs scenario and the one you suggest of an intruder being in my home a 2am.
But honestly, the way things are going, a lone woman might actually be safer with an intruder coming in to nick the car keys and laptop than dealing with a male police officer in her house at 2 am.

Absolutely ,it did not go down well with me .He got told in no uncertain terms how i felt and he left red faced lol .But all joking apart with what has happened recently it does make you think .

I haven't been on MN for a bit, but had to come back having read this article to say I told you so. I was really surprised at how many people thought the OP should just stop and kowtow to someone just because they are police. Well, as many people said, they might not be.

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/security-guard-posed-as-police-officer-to-stop-lone-woman-driver-37pt2xrk5

God, that's terrifying.

I thought of this thread too @lieselotte when I saw that article. Scary shit. Women really can't be too careful at all.

I had an unmarked car attempt to pull me over late at night on a quiet road 30 years ago, no mobile phones so i drove to the police station and they drove off. There are arseholes out there and this shit has always happened but I would absolutely pull over for 2 uniformed police men, in a marked police car. This story does not change that.

The OP pulled over for the police car, she just didn't want to get out of the car (and there doesn't seem to have been any good reason for her to do so).
And as plenty of other posters have said, not all women would feel safe even if the guys were able to prove that they were real police officers rather than impersonators. It's well known to be one of those professions which attracts power-hungry abusive misogynist men. (Have you seen the statistics about the high incidence of domestic violence carried out by police officers?)

This happened to me many years ago, I did get out of the car but this was before the appalling incidents that have happened to women by police officers. I wouldn’t do it now. I’d do exactly what you did OP.
Id gone to pick my DH up from a night out with his mates. 11 ish pm. Unlit Road I was unfamiliar with, I was also pregnant and covered in paint. So obviously not wearing my best clothing. The officer asked why I was driving slowly, had I been drinking, I said I didn’t know the road, it was unlit and no, I hadn’t been drinking. He still did a breath test. It was of course negative, his attitude changed then to Uber polite, “Drive carefully” I said that’s what I was doing in the first place..driving carefully.