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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have refused to get out of my car for the police in the middle of the night?

871 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:05

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
America12 · 03/03/2023 17:47

Bunsandtophats · 02/03/2023 18:00

Wow so what we have is a police who essentially don't have the power to police its citizens. What a society we live in. I personally think you absolutely should have done as asked. How utterly disrepectful imo.

Have you heard of Couzens and Carrick ?

Novatherova · 03/03/2023 18:18

SpyouttheLand · 03/03/2023 15:22

So yesterday you were ranting about people being mean about lovely police officers like DH and today it turns out he's as misogynistic as the rest of them?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. How did you not know you were living with a misogynist? This is exactly the problem, they have people who really should know better defending them, barely noticing because it's so normalised.

Show quote history

I'm crying enough for the both of us.

Hard when people around you say it's your issue all the time including my own mum.

To be fair though he is lovely in his job so I stand by that.

Ourladycheesusedatum · 03/03/2023 18:44

Alargeoneplease89 · 02/03/2023 19:24

Your unreasonable, I was pulled over recently at 3am and the two male officers asked me to get into the car for the same thing and I done it. I'm 6 stone and young and did not feel threatened. Absolutely absurd behaviour from anyone refusing officers requests when they are in an official car and in uniform. You are very lucky they let you go.

You have every right to phone the HQ with their shoulder numbers to confirm they are on duty or requests a female or superior etc but being suspected of drink driving and trying to drive to a police station is silly. The scare mongering about police is ridiculous (when has the threat to women been done in twos?)

Two blokes were pulled over on the main road where I am, three in the morning, official looking coppers, official police car so all lights and sirens etc.
Problem was, they had stolen the police car, were impersonating police officers and stole my mates car. They did all the spiel, were convincing, so convincing they did the same trick 14 times. Stole 14 cars that night, dumped the police car, burnt out for good measure. Last November iirc

Not a prayer I would get out if my car nowadays for two male police officers, and might be just as reluctant if one was female. I've never seen a warrant card, wouldnt know what it was if it smacked me in the face, so no use waving one at me.

As has been mentioned already, they police with our consent. If they clean up their act, this wouldn't be an issue. It's in their own hands to fix.

ArabellaScott · 03/03/2023 18:45

Novatherova · 03/03/2023 18:18

I'm crying enough for the both of us.

Hard when people around you say it's your issue all the time including my own mum.

To be fair though he is lovely in his job so I stand by that.

Show quote history

I'm sorry about your arm, hope you're okay.

Alargeoneplease89 · 03/03/2023 18:46

Ourladycheesusedatum · 03/03/2023 18:44

Two blokes were pulled over on the main road where I am, three in the morning, official looking coppers, official police car so all lights and sirens etc.
Problem was, they had stolen the police car, were impersonating police officers and stole my mates car. They did all the spiel, were convincing, so convincing they did the same trick 14 times. Stole 14 cars that night, dumped the police car, burnt out for good measure. Last November iirc

Not a prayer I would get out if my car nowadays for two male police officers, and might be just as reluctant if one was female. I've never seen a warrant card, wouldnt know what it was if it smacked me in the face, so no use waving one at me.

As has been mentioned already, they police with our consent. If they clean up their act, this wouldn't be an issue. It's in their own hands to fix.

Show quote history

Do you have evidence of this? Sounds highly unlikely.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/03/2023 18:54

As has been mentioned already, they police with our consent. If they clean up their act, this wouldn't be an issue. It's in their own hands to fix.

The issue with this is that this has not been the case for ages, indeed much longer than I've been alive and even was never the case when my grandparents were kids. The only difference now is the good people like yourself are realising this which is why it now needs to change.

This is in part why I'm shocked at the resolute assertions that some of you wouldn't leave your car at all. To be that firm in your belief shows that many of you have till recently had zero idea about the true nature of policing. What has happened to spark this change has ALWAYS happened, the difference is it is now happening to people who hitherto it hadn't happened to. The whole notion of 'policing with public's consent' is so absurd to me as to be nonsensical.

CandleInTheStorm · 03/03/2023 18:56

It does make you wonder (and shudder) what male police officers got away with regarding females in the decades gone by when women didn't have a voice/were second class citizens?

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 03/03/2023 18:57

@gold22 the 2 female cops in your scenario would taser him? Sorted.

Zipps · 03/03/2023 19:01

I wouldn't have got out either. I don't trust the police one bit. Their fault I'm afraid.

SpyouttheLand · 03/03/2023 19:16

Novatherova · 03/03/2023 18:18

I'm crying enough for the both of us.

Hard when people around you say it's your issue all the time including my own mum.

To be fair though he is lovely in his job so I stand by that.

Show quote history

So you think he's misogynistic towards his wife but not towards the women he comes across in his work? Doesn't that seem unlikey?

I'm sorry about your mum.

SleepingRedSnowBootsAndThePea · 03/03/2023 19:38

And how safe are those double crewed female officers going to feel when having to deal with groups of 6ft blokes on their own with no male back up? Clearly no idea what dangers police face every day and night!

I didn't say they should have double female crews. They should send one man and one woman out together.

SleepingRedSnowBootsAndThePea · 03/03/2023 19:40

I think something about the expectation that officers report unacceptable behaviour of colleagues and the sanction for not doing so.

eg it's a criminal offence not to report concerns about colleagues in school, should that be the case for police officers?

Yep. Make it a criminal offence to cover up for each other. Instant sacking, no pension and prosecuted.

Valeriekat · 03/03/2023 20:03

FKATondelayo · 02/03/2023 17:13

I've never been breathalised but surely it's possible to do a test while remaining in your car? Why would you need to get out?

Isn't that how it is usually done in the UK?
Brave of them going after a lone woman though!

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/03/2023 20:07

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:05

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

Not unreasonable at all. I would do exactly the same. Offer to drive to the police station or blow the breathalyser through the window. No way would I trust the police after many recent events.

Rosscameasdoody · 03/03/2023 20:14

Frabbits · 03/03/2023 14:02

A lone woman who presents as absolutely stone-cold sober and who has a perfectly reasonable explaination for moving across the road in a safe way should be well within her rights to refuse to leave her car when asked to do so by two men when there are no witnesses present in order to keep herself safe.

If the driver is displaying actual indications they've been drinking then that is an arrestable offense.

This, I hope, should be blindingly obvious.

Show quote history

It’s not. She may be stone cold sober, but how do the two officers know that ? She was driving in the early hours of the morning and erratically. I suspect that those who have had loved ones killed or injured by drunk/drug drivers would have a very different opinion.

Rosscameasdoody · 03/03/2023 20:15

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/03/2023 20:07

Not unreasonable at all. I would do exactly the same. Offer to drive to the police station or blow the breathalyser through the window. No way would I trust the police after many recent events.

Show quote history

How many times does it need to be said that if you are stopped on suspicion of drunk driving, driving ANYWHERE is not an option !!

Rosscameasdoody · 03/03/2023 20:17

Zipps · 03/03/2023 19:01

I wouldn't have got out either. I don't trust the police one bit. Their fault I'm afraid.

No matter how many times this is parroted, it’s not a reason to break the law.

Rosscameasdoody · 03/03/2023 20:27

Frabbits · 03/03/2023 14:28

Again, obviously.

But a person can be breathalysed without them having to get out of a car.

The fact is that I and many people do not trust the police enough to be happy to leave the safety of their car at night without other people about.

The police should recognise this, have procedures in place to make lone women (and men) feel safe in such situations and not just get defensive that people are unwilling to risk their safety just because someone is wearing a uniform.

Show quote history

If there’s no smell of alcohol, as some have asserted here, there could still be the possibility of drugs. The field sobriety test requires the driver to step out of the car and follow instructions to walk in a straight line. Are women going to refuse that as well, despite it being an arrestable offence ? Because in the end this is civil disobedience and will result in a similar situation to that of the USA, where some police forces have been defunded. You have to consider what you want. If you’re not drunk, have not been taking drugs and are fit to drive, generally you have nothing to fear. To suggest that women are at risk to the extent that some posters are doing here is ridiculous. Most police officers are genuine and honest. So you refuse to leave your car when you’re suspected of drink driving because you don’t trust the male police officers who stop you. OK fine. What happens at 3am when you hear noises downstairs and call the police, and those same two male officers turn up and risk their lives to help you ? Fucking ridiculous thread.

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/03/2023 20:41

Rosscameasdoody · 02/03/2023 22:52

The phone call is very likely to have happened when the two officers reported the incident and that no further action was taken. Probably the senior officer they reported to would have done it. And in my humble opinion it was warranted to make sure the OP understood that she put herself at risk of being arrested and could have ended up with a prison sentence, had they decided to pursue it.

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What crime had the OP committed to result in a prison sentence? You don't just get a prison sentence because you've annoyed a policeman. There's a court process to go through

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/03/2023 20:45

Rosscameasdoody · 03/03/2023 20:27

If there’s no smell of alcohol, as some have asserted here, there could still be the possibility of drugs. The field sobriety test requires the driver to step out of the car and follow instructions to walk in a straight line. Are women going to refuse that as well, despite it being an arrestable offence ? Because in the end this is civil disobedience and will result in a similar situation to that of the USA, where some police forces have been defunded. You have to consider what you want. If you’re not drunk, have not been taking drugs and are fit to drive, generally you have nothing to fear. To suggest that women are at risk to the extent that some posters are doing here is ridiculous. Most police officers are genuine and honest. So you refuse to leave your car when you’re suspected of drink driving because you don’t trust the male police officers who stop you. OK fine. What happens at 3am when you hear noises downstairs and call the police, and those same two male officers turn up and risk their lives to help you ? Fucking ridiculous thread.

Show quote history

There's an obvious difference between me asking someone for help and them asking me. A lost child should ask an adult for help. If an adult approaches a child for no reason, alarm bells go.off.

A policeman in America just won a bravery award for shooting to death an unarmed man doing the school run. I don't know why you are holding them up as an example.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/03/2023 20:46

You don't just get a prison sentence because you've annoyed a policeman.

You may not get a prison sentence per se but there'll definitely be enough to scrabble together to leave a lasting record of sorts.

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/03/2023 20:47

Rosscameasdoody · 03/03/2023 20:17

No matter how many times this is parroted, it’s not a reason to break the law.

Show quote history

Is there a law that you have to leave your vehicle if asked to by the police? Genuine question.

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/03/2023 20:48

VladmirsPoutine · 03/03/2023 20:46

You don't just get a prison sentence because you've annoyed a policeman.

You may not get a prison sentence per se but there'll definitely be enough to scrabble together to leave a lasting record of sorts.

So no.prison sentence then. Thought not.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/03/2023 20:57

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/03/2023 20:48

So no.prison sentence then. Thought not.

Show quote history

Assaulting a police officer can result in a prison sentence. Resisting arrest or otherwise 'obstructing' an officer from their duty can also result in imprisonment. So 'annoying' a police officer can very well land you in prison.

AdventFridgeOfShame · 03/03/2023 21:08

Situation: women do not feel safe interacting with Police officers, especially at night and or in remote locations when being asked for a breath test.

Task: Develop a policy that safeguards women, police officers and the public, plus gets the breath test when applicable.

Action: Go on-line and inform women that they are breaking the law by being scared and they should be dragged out of their cars, handcuffed, throw in the back of a police car, arrested, fined, given points on their license and possibly a custodial sentence.

Result: Oh heck, there is a 30% increase in women who find the police a bit scary.

That worked well.
Maybe women should not be allowed out after dark