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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have refused to get out of my car for the police in the middle of the night?

871 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:05

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
FKATondelayo · 02/03/2023 17:13

PuttingDownRoots · 02/03/2023 17:09

Other option is to offer to ring the police station with their badge numbers to verify the stop...

But if they suspect you of drink driving I can see why they wouldn't want you driving off!

Wayne Couzens would have passed this check.

Aurorabored · 02/03/2023 17:14

I wouldn’t trust the police. I’d stay in the car and I’d record any conversation with my phone.

Deezeboob · 02/03/2023 17:14

Crumpleton · 02/03/2023 17:10

You were correct.
This is something a police officer advised me to do years ago if this case ever happened to me.

Yep. I've been told the same.

Welshywitch · 02/03/2023 17:15

I'd have done the same as you OP also the phone call you had today was not right and I'd complain to the Chief Constable about it.

Dottysocksandglasses · 02/03/2023 17:15

Thank you OP for doing this. And thank you for posting.

I would not feel safe in those circumstances. Uniform means jack shit these days.

This has also given me courage to do the same if ever needed. (Assuming you were polite n all!)

hattie43 · 02/03/2023 17:16

In light of what we see about officers I think you are right , I would have been nervous in such an isolated situation tbh

Oblomov23 · 02/03/2023 17:16

Good for you.

HippyChickMama · 02/03/2023 17:16

When I first started driving at 18, my dad always told me that, if I was alone and the police pulled me over in a secluded place that I was to refuse to get out of the car and politely offer to drive to a more public place or the police station. It's always stuck with me and I would have done the same OP

orchid220 · 02/03/2023 17:16

You could have phoned the police station and given them the badge numbers. I don't think they would dare do anything illegal if you had given the police station their numbers.

YolayCaprese · 02/03/2023 17:17

You were correct.
This happened to a friend years ago and she is the most assertive person I've ever met. She refused to get out and called her dad to come and meet her. Think the cop just let her carry on.

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 02/03/2023 17:17

I feel for police just trying to do their jobs.
I don’t blame you op, they’ve lost trust and any good will. However, I still want drunk drivers stopped.

MarshaBradyo · 02/03/2023 17:18

FKATondelayo · 02/03/2023 17:13

I've never been breathalised but surely it's possible to do a test while remaining in your car? Why would you need to get out?

Yes why can’t they hand it to you

LoobyDop · 02/03/2023 17:18

If the police are unhappy about women not feeling safe around them, they could always have a bash at not employing misogynists, serial rapists and murderers.

SpyouttheLand · 02/03/2023 17:18

You were right and it sounds like they accepted that at the time. Who was this other officer? I'm sure I'd read something about police taking account of the fact that a lone woman doesn't necessarily feel protected by them.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 02/03/2023 17:18

I think you did the right thing, OP. I was thinking, following the Wayne Cousens and David Carrick cases, that they would have a marked impact on lone women stopped by male officers at night, and I don’t blame women for being less trusting and more wary.

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:18

I was able to produce my work lanyard, showed my bag with my laptop and other work bits- the company I work for is a fairly well known local employer, and I was coming out of an industrial estate so they had no reason to think I’d been at the pub or drinking at someone’s house.

I literally just opened my window far enough that we could hear each other speak, I didn’t want it open enough that they could reach in and unlock the door themselves.

OP posts:
Theimpossiblegirl · 02/03/2023 17:19

Good for you.
I will take this as a reminder to tell my daughters to do the same.

Im99912 · 02/03/2023 17:19

I have done similar a few years ago
refused to get out and said I was happy to drive to the nearest open petrol station
or police station
they let me carry on

Pallisers · 02/03/2023 17:19

my mother advised me to do this exact thing when I started driving (years ago before all the crap about bad police officers came out)

You did the right thing. And the policeman who rang you to give out might want to read the news.

That the police station knew the badge numbers would offer me no comfort whatsoever. Police know who are the bad apples - doesn't mean they will protect women from them.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/03/2023 17:19

YANBU and tbh I would make an official complaint about being called up and reprimanded, that's not on at all and reeks of intimidation.

Gloaminggnome · 02/03/2023 17:19

I'd have done exactly the same. Doesn't matter if their badge number is legit or not, still wouldn't feel safe. Couzens and Carrick were serving officers and it didn't stop them.

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 02/03/2023 17:21

TomatoSandwiches · 02/03/2023 17:19

YANBU and tbh I would make an official complaint about being called up and reprimanded, that's not on at all and reeks of intimidation.

Agreed.

AnotherForumUser · 02/03/2023 17:21

YANBU. You did nothing wrong. You offered to go to the station. If the police want the public to be more compliant they need to root out the countless 'bad apples' and crack down on the corrupt things they currently protect. There are many officers who are decent but they are also betrayed by the corrupt ones, the predators and all of those that spend their time protecting the scum of the police force rather than the public. The public's trust in the police is low. The police are the ones who need to work at regaining it and showing they won't tolerate officers who abuse their position. They won't regain trust by whining when a lone woman cannot trust them so refuses to obey their orders.

orchid220 · 02/03/2023 17:21

FKATondelayo · 02/03/2023 17:13

Wayne Couzens would have passed this check.

Show quote history

He wouldn't have abducted Sarah Everard if he knew the police station had his number and that he was the last person to see her before she disappeared.

SpyouttheLand · 02/03/2023 17:21

orchid220 · 02/03/2023 17:16

You could have phoned the police station and given them the badge numbers. I don't think they would dare do anything illegal if you had given the police station their numbers.

We know some police officers are perfectly prepared to do so with the full knowledge of their colleagues, look at the WhatsApp groups and shared photos

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