I need to get over MIL announcing birth

[Grumpynewmum23]

I am certain AIBU here but honestly 3 months later am still so annoyed.

For context as am still a bit emotionally drained and have psychological support as I had quite a traumatic birth (PROM, induced, allergic reaction to epidural and failed epidural, 3hr pushing to no avail, baby flipped transverse, episiotomy to pull head round, forceps, ventouse, shoulder dystocia and PPH (lost 1.2l) - mild ptsd/was in shock so refused to hold baby/feed baby etc as a result until next morning).
Anyway, next day after gathering thoughts together etc, DP and I decide we want to announce arrival of our first child to friends and family on Facebook (we didn't announce pregnancy at all as I was scared of losing the baby).
I go and open up Facebook and see MIL has posted a picture of our baby (sent by DP just to family which I hadn't even seen at this point) announcing the arrival of 'her grand[child]' that 'just happened'. Neither DP or I are tagged or even mentioned, and she didn't contact me at all.
At the time I was too in shock and exhausted to even really take it in, but as the initial shock of the birth wore off I've just felt increasingly angry about it and literally cannot shake it off.

Tbh it is not like me to get annoyed or upset by others behaviours that easily, and I hate that I am feeling so negative.

Am I being unreasonably grumpy to feel absolutely incensed by this and is she just excited or is this just not good etiquette?!

Also if anyone has any tips for getting over this, please share!

The MIL/baby boomer generation discovered social media long after we did and many of them are still in that first stage of thinking that oversharing of personal information is great fun, and not thinking about the potential consequences. They're still enjoying that dopamine hit from every like.

You're being ridiculous. And ageist.

Just because the generation and before was interfering and controlling, that doesn't make it OK for them to be.

And "respect your elders" is a load of nonsense. Maybe the boomer generation had a good reason to respect their own elders, who had fought two world wars, but they as a generation have done nothing in particular to merit respect anyway. Respect is earned.

And I struggle to respect people too stupid to understand that you don't announce the birth of someone else's baby on Facebook.

I am accurately describing my own experience, and that of many of my friends, with boomer parents running amok on Facebook.

I'm OK with difference of opinions on this topic.. its what you expect imo when you put stuff out there.

For context, she's 50 so imo would kinda get SM but maybe as pp have highlighted maybe it's still used differently but different generations.

Time to work on myself and get over this now I think. X

Im seriously not an uptight person, I cant control what other people do and I certainly dont spend my life holding grudges for someone being and acting human. I also like my MIL unlike a lot of people on this thread.

This thread really seems to have hit a nerve with you, I am sorry for whatever is going on in your life to make you so angry, hope it gets better soon

OP you sound very fair minded and thank you for saying that. As others have chosen to miss, you did in fact ask AIBU! So opinions were sought and duly given. Good luck with your lovely new baby and with the future.

Yeah, right, pull the other one. You wouldn't like it at all, neither would any normal person. Nothing to do with being uptight, it's just common sense and courtesy.

I have a great relationship with my MIL, by the way. She's not on Facebook but even if she were she wouldn't dream of doing this. She did text me immediately to say congratulations though. I had the pleasure of telling her my daughter has her name as a middle name.

I agree that it's not a massive deal BUT it's your 'Not a massive deal! Your news to share. Your announcement

I guess one good thing is that she didn't tag you, so there's still presumably some people who you can still inform yourselves?

Congratulations by the way. I only got to have one child and she's 8 now so I'm incredibly broody & envious! Oh how I wish I'd savoured every second.
I missed a lot of those first few months due to emergency house hunting (rental notice given days after birth) and I'd give anything to go back. My advice - don't sweat the small stuff too much and enjoy your little miracle.
I too had almost the exact same birth as yours (even down to the multiple Epidurals, 3 hours no progress, emergency forceps, blood loss and trauma) and I'll be forever grateful to those angels who saved her. And me.

You'll never get the baby days back! Enjoy them :) 🌸

Honestly what is so hard to believe that some people including myself would not give a shiny shit about a doting grandmother announcing to their friends their grandchild has arrived?

Are you that closed minded in other aspects of your life?

I too have a great relationship with my MIL. She has social media but Facebook likes were the least of her concerns after DS was born (same goes for DM).

She has behaved inconsiderately - and the fact she didn't tag OP leads me to believe she's aware of that - but I do agree that OP should put it behind her, whilst proceeding cautiously in regards to what she shares, now. And a chat with her partner about how much of their child's lives they do want to share online is wise.

Just because you "wouldn't give a shiny shit" about your MIL telling her friends your child was born before you had had a chance to tell any of yours (which is VERY hard to believe, in fact), that doesn't mean the OP is unreasonable for feeling upset about it.

I couldnt agree more, the nastiness that has been brought out in some posters is astonishing really. 😂

Op has been very reasonable throughout this thread, not stamping her feet acting like a toddler and blaming the 'boomers' for the world being as shit as it is. Unlike you who seems to be really angry at the world.

Are you ignoring the fact op said in her first sentence I am certain AIBU here

She called herself unreasonable before anyone else did fgs.

I wont be responding to you again, have a nice day and maybe a camomile tea :)

Personally I would forgive and forget now.

She was likely over excited about her new grand baby, in future I would let her and other family know that under no circumstances are they to post your personal experiences/occasions on social media without your consent or unless you post first.

I were big on FB till about 6 years ago and can’t stand it now, I forbid my family from posting our recent pregnancy news on there. It’s just not for me anymore to share so much of my life. Private life = happy life

Mumsnet is social media!.

You (meaning whoever you have quoted here) are on social media, only you have picked one that allows you to be unpleasant to people who are different to you anonymously. You don't use any social media that would require you to consider the social impact on others.

You don't give a shiny shit about your child's safety on the internet then?

Posting a picture of a child along with its full name and date of birth (and probably place of birth in many cases) is a huge breach of privacy.

Parents shouldn't be doing it either, but for a third party to do it when parents (as in our case) were very clear that we weren't going to risk breaching privacy and security guidelines like that is appalling.

Here's some further info for those who are actually interested in understanding why this is a bad idea, rather than those who are getting their kicks from insulting other posters

www.eset.com/blog/consumer/why-you-shouldnt-post-childrens-photos-online/

Totally!

I mean can you imagine how nasty someone would have to be to post something like this kind of lame passive-aggressive personal attack?!

This thread really seems to have hit a nerve with you, I am sorry for whatever is going on in your life to make you so angry, hope it gets better soon Flowers

I can’t imagine feeling entitled to post a picture of someone else’s child on the internet without checking with them first. I don’t do it with my children’s friends or my nieces and nephews.

This is exactly it. I'm a bit older than you (early 40s) but I also have never, and would never, post pictures of anyone else's kids on social media or online.

To post not only their picture but also their date of birth, full name, place of birth, and parents' names (as my MIL did) is not only rude, selfish and stupid but unbelievably risky and ignorant. It could put my kids at genuine risk of identity theft. It's an idiotic thing to do.

I think some people need a very basic education in Using the Internet 101

Dramatic much? Im sure you and the other poster would make real life long friends.

The irony of saying this in response to a message that has been deleted for breaking MN talk guidelines 🤣

(I wasn't the one who reported it, but I'm guessing it's because she referred to posters that don't share the same opinion as her as creatures).

Absolutely agree. Parents shouldn’t have to explicitly tell grown adults not to post information and pictures of a child that is not theirs on social media. I don’t get how difficult that is to understand or to simply just ask. I think some know that they shouldn’t or the parents are against it but rather ask for forgiveness after the fact when the parents can’t do much about it and can claim “I was too exited and couldn’t help myself” as if they’re a toddler with little self-control.

(I wasn't the one who reported it, but I'm guessing it's because she referred to posters that don't share the same opinion as her as creatures).

Convenient for you, to twist the idea behind my statement now that it is deleted. This is a dark basement behaviour here (cue vintage see-saw horror music playing upon opening the door). No creatures, Mumsnet, promise!

I DO disagree with the hate-spreading in this thread. Anyone who objects to nastiness and being abrasive towards differing opinions, should also report this whole thread for deletion.

You said something along the lines of this thread bringing out the creatures, no? Anyway MNHQ clearly didn't think it was in the spirit.

Mumsnet clearly is anti-social media. Gives a nice hawks-view of the strange world of Facebook. I've never had much in common with the "Facebook People" and this confirms why.

I have something I'd like to say for fun and it involves Tinder, but I can't. Will get deleted by the mob anyway.

Have fun hating on your husband's mums! 💐🌞