I need to get over MIL announcing birth

[Grumpynewmum23]

I am certain AIBU here but honestly 3 months later am still so annoyed.

For context as am still a bit emotionally drained and have psychological support as I had quite a traumatic birth (PROM, induced, allergic reaction to epidural and failed epidural, 3hr pushing to no avail, baby flipped transverse, episiotomy to pull head round, forceps, ventouse, shoulder dystocia and PPH (lost 1.2l) - mild ptsd/was in shock so refused to hold baby/feed baby etc as a result until next morning).
Anyway, next day after gathering thoughts together etc, DP and I decide we want to announce arrival of our first child to friends and family on Facebook (we didn't announce pregnancy at all as I was scared of losing the baby).
I go and open up Facebook and see MIL has posted a picture of our baby (sent by DP just to family which I hadn't even seen at this point) announcing the arrival of 'her grand[child]' that 'just happened'. Neither DP or I are tagged or even mentioned, and she didn't contact me at all.
At the time I was too in shock and exhausted to even really take it in, but as the initial shock of the birth wore off I've just felt increasingly angry about it and literally cannot shake it off.

Tbh it is not like me to get annoyed or upset by others behaviours that easily, and I hate that I am feeling so negative.

Am I being unreasonably grumpy to feel absolutely incensed by this and is she just excited or is this just not good etiquette?!

Also if anyone has any tips for getting over this, please share!

That's absolutely dreadful. I can't begin to imagine hearing of the death of a family member that way. And with all due respect to OP, that's way worse than announcing a birth without checking first.

You're a troll because you suggested that someone finding out about the birth of their grandchild via a nosy neighbour's Facebook post - the same nosy neighbour who delayed the mother getting urgent medical attention because she was literally chasing the ambulance to get a front row seat - is no big deal.

I can't believe any normal person would think this. You're just doing this for attention now.

That is so dreadful.

No doubt you will have posters telling you that YOU are ridiculous to be making your mothers death all about you🙄.

I have known similar-ish situations happen which have added to the trauma of a difficult situation.

Some years ago a friend of mines son was injured on the rugby pitch, a really nasty friendly tackle that resulted in an awful break.

Her husband was with him, ambulance called etc. and he was dealing with it and trying to keep his son calm, as he was only 8 and very upset.

Whilst he's dealing with this, his wife rings him terribly upset as she has been called by another mother of a child on the team, not someone she knows at all, to be told that her son has been seriously injured waiting on an ambulance to get to hospital.🙄

Her husband was dealing with it in the moment and would have called her as soon as he could to let her know what was happening.

There was nothing she could do at home, with their younger children.

As it happened two friends of her husband drove to the house, one to mind her children, the other to bring her to the hospital too.

The leg needed surgery and all ended well, (after a year)but my friend was absolutely furious at being called by this woman whom she didn't know.

She clearly just wanted to be the bearer of bad news.
Twat.
When my friend met her some time later she put her very firmly in her place, she was still livid months later.

Some people just love to broadcast news, even very upsetting news, they are just desperate to get in first.

IMO it is a very disordered ugly mind that would want to do this.

@Vynalbob

Yeah I didn't ask for secrecy at all we told everyone we wanted to as and when we saw them in real life.. just asked for the news of pregnancy or anything related to be posted on Facebook (as it would have been, just as the birth was!) as as loads of other posters have mentioned there's loads of randomers on Facebook and I was anxious about it all anyway and just wanted to tell those who mattered first/not have everyone knowing my business if it went wrong. To each their own! X

So the definition of a troll is someone that doesn't agree with you?
I am terribly sorry I have a different opinion to you, but whevs.
And I am not doing anything for attention - in fact, I sit on my hands most days but sometimes I just have to have my say (as I am entirely entitled to) when threads just get ridiculous, in my opinion.
TLDR: Sorry not sorry

@Katypp Fascinating you thought I meant you. Well I suppose if the cap fits ....

I know social media is a relatively new thing but I think that the etiquette governing it isn’t that dissimilar to other social conventions. If we were in 2001 and OP’s MIL had rushed out and got a load of baby announcement cards printed with a bloodied picture of the baby on them, before OP had even been discharged from hospital, and then starting pushing the cards through friends’ and neighbours’ doors to announce the birth of her grandchild - I’d find that decidedly strange and rude behaviour too.

I think it’s done now so has to be let go… however next time you have news to share I would either text MIL at the exact same time as all your nearest and dearest OR state beforehand that could she please not broadcast it on Facebook or any other social platform until you have made an official announcement, and state that it really upset you last time that her friends and random people knew before you had chance to tell dear old uncle Jack and your best friends!
next time she makes a comment that makes you feel like you were just a vessel for her grandchild, say jokingly ‘oh and of course I had nothing to do with the process of growing or birthing !!’
sometimes people are oblivious to their ignorance!

I know social media is a relatively new thing but I think that the etiquette governing it isn’t that dissimilar to other social conventions.

I agree. I don’t see why it wouldn’t be either.

I would disagree with social media, especially Facebook being relatively new since it has been around for 19 years. I remember being taught computer etiquette in secondary school and it was based then on the social norms that you would have in person.

@Yousee oh I am sorry I just assumed you were joining in the general pile-on. Who were you talking about?

The wedding thing happened to me. I thought it was just common knowledge not to post that sort of thing without asking.

I didn't want any photos of my wedding online. Tbh I was mostly annoyed because I looked absolutely awful in the photograph 🙃

In so sorry you had such a shit sandwich of a birth, it's hard to wrap your head around things and then have your MIL make an announcement without your permission.
In really sorry but I'm cross on your behalf as I had a workmate do something similar with colleagues - long story, suffice to say I was ropeable.
It's okay that she announced your news. Maybe if you can't confront and both you and your husband feel it wasn't the right thing for her to do, write a wee note. I just think announcing your birth should have been your choice not hers.
Also, check out your local hospital and see if they offer a birth afterthoughts service. I am a midwife and work within this service.
It's a chance for you to go through your birth, look at your notes and be heard and validated.
Hope that helps x