Can anyone give me advice on how to get a child back after Social services put them in Foster Care

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My family member has lost their child.
Raging drug addiction after a very traumatic life.

It's a long road to recovery and they haven't stopped taking drugs cold turkey. Certainly the drug use has reduced significantly but not completely. I suspect they have hot rock bottom there was a case of 'what's the point?' in the beginning when child was first taken.

I don't think the parents are receiving any support (which is fair enough, they are adults and the child comes first) but they hit rock bottom and I was angry with them for a long time, withdrew contact (not completely) and blamed them for ruining their children's lives (2 children one is old enough to have moved out rather than go into care)

Now the dust has settled, I want to support the parents to at least try to get the child back (I don't know if it's even possible but for the child's sake we should do all we can do)
I feel really bad for being angry when they were clearly hurting and needed support.

Is there anything concrete to help them?
I'm thinking parenting classes and some sort of alcoholics anonymous but for drug addiction. Can't afford rehab but there must be other things to help.

Social services have been great with regards to the child but there has been no interest in helping the parents back on their feet,
what can I do to help?

• I am not trying to put a plaster over the situation, but we have had quite a few suicides in our family (hence the drug use as coping mechanism) and I am so, so worried that if they lose the child forever, possibly to be adopted or fostered long term they would do something stupid. or even overdose. This is only a blip in a normal life, brought on by bereavement. -

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.

Also once everything goes to court and the child is taken through the court, is there ever a chance to come home again? Or is that it forever
No more chances?

What a sad situation. Unfortunately you cannot change another person's behaviour, no matter what you try to do to help. An addict has to want to change for themselves.

If the child is in care they will have an allocated social worker. Speak to them, find out what the plans are, are they looking to permanently remove the child and have them adopted?

I would say the basic first steps are to get the parent clean from drugs, show that they can maintain this and there is a support network in place and seek advice from a family law solicitor. Does child have any contact with parent?
Could you offer to foster the child?

I’m not a social worker but looking from outside I think that the single most helpful thing which your relative could do would be stop the drug use and stay clean. I appreciate that is easy to write and very very hard to do, but any support which you can give them in that direction will improve their life irrespective of the outcome with social services.

hello I’m a social worker

can you help me with what type of order the court has imposed?Is it an interim order?
Does mum have any contact for example with a supervising adult or in a contact centre?

Also consider the interests of the child as honestly as you can…is the child thriving in their new home? Are you honestly doing the right thing by the child to try and push a return to a parent that hasn’t yet conquered their addiction.
Say they somehow got the child back, what happens next time they have a crisis, would they turn to drugs again and put the child through the trauma of a further removal?

You can't say someone has a "raging drug addiction" that has led to their child being taken away and also say it is "only a blip".

If the initial suggestion of losing their child (because the removal didn't come out of nowhere) wasn't enough for them to sort themselves out, then their focus will never be on the child.

I'm sure you have good interests at heart, but some people cannot be fixed. Social services are focusing on the child because they are being damaged in their formative years by the behaviour of the person who should have been nurturing them, their safe place.
Please recognise that if this person does take their own life, that is a choice they will have made rather than truly facing their problem to ensure their child is returned to them. A child cannot be used as a pawn to keep their parent from committing suicide. That is an unfathomable amount of pressure.

The child is, rightly so, the most important person here. You need to focus on their safety and happiness, rather than trying to give this person what they want when they're clearly not trying to work to achieve this.

Maybe try accessing support/counselling for the suidces, so sort why they felt/feel the need to do the drugs/drink. Their is support groups that the GP/socail can refer them to but they need to want to get the help. If its a couple it's often suggested they separate to help themselves. Might not be what they want but sometimes it's the only way if they want the child back. How old is the child? Does the child want to go back? The child is safe and hopefully happy so small steps. Can you visit the child and offer the child support?

Well, others are more equipped to deal with this than me. Presumably children have a foster carer who will assess likelihood of children being able to return home - I think it is quite unusual for SW contact not to at least monitor state of parents or their family to see whether someone in the family can care for the child if a more permanent arrangement were required. (And fact that child will have an adult sibling who may be able to assist, or at least be factored in, in due course might be relevant). What do SS say about the timeframe in which a move out of fostering and towards adoption could happen?

As regards recovery, I think that your relative could go to narcotics anonymous and do other parenting programmes. Unfortunately, social services doesn't have the resources to try to engage with making parent clean. Has relative been to Gp and asked for referrals to addiction support?

I think your premise does seem a bit wrong A getting the child back should not be seen as a crutch for your relative, much as I feel for them, but should be about what is best for the child. Do you think the child could have a good stable life if returned? Would your relative be able to cope with the ups and downs of parenting even if clean for a period of time, or would they let things slide again? That is really what matters.

I don’t understand why you’d wish to. They are still using. No kid should be in that environment. Put the child first. Until they get clean no one should be trying to get a child into that environment

Sorry, I meant social worker rather than foster cared above.

What do the parents want to happen? I know you will say they want the children home again but unless they are 100% committed to giving up the drugs and cleaning up their lifestyle it won’t happen.
Thats why when parents pay for their children to go into rehab and they come out and go straight back on the drugs again it’s because they were never totally onboard in the first place.
Sad but true, you can’t make people behave in the way you want them to.

Were any of the extended family approached as potential Kinship carers, this would be the first usual step. If not perhaps the SW team were concerned about the family not being able to put the needs of the younger child ahead of the parents needs. It is not for you to decide that it it is in the child’s best interest to be returned home, contrary to popular belief SW do not remove children willy nilly for spurious reasons ( from a practical point of view there are not enough foster places to make this possible). Perhaps your focus should be on assisting your family member to come off and stay off drugs for their own sake, rather than seeing it as transactional they come off drugs - they get child back. Does your family member want to stop drug taking completely, that is not clear from your post?

Removing a child is a very last move, after the social worker would have presumably A) worked with the parents to try initiate some support etc (which didn’t work at the time but you’re right, it could do now) and B) the SW would have done a lot of assessments before removing the child and placing them into foster care. They would have investigated appropriate family members and whether they could care for the child. Were you contacted/spoken to? Because there mustn’t have been any family members willing or available to take the child for them to have resorted to foster care.

So yes I’d speak to the social worker directly if you can, and see what the next steps are. If there is no contact between parent and child, even at contact centres, then I’d imagine they’re probably moving towards an adoption order No? I’m not totally clued up

How about starting by putting the child first. No, no one wants this child’s parent to commit suicide, but there are deeper problems that simply returning the child to their parent won’t solved. How unfair on the child to put this responsibility of basically saving their parents life on them.

Let's say you put in a Herculean performance and support them to jump through all the necessary hoops to get the children home, then what? Are you going to be able to maintain this level of care and more besides when the children return and these adults you are propping up have to turn their hand to being proper parents again and the addition stress that encompasses? Perhaps, rather than helping them to create an artificial performance of competency, you allow them to do this for themselves so that these kids don't return to the same shit they left?

Usually SS approach a family member to take the child anyway - did this not happen? Whatever you do, do it in the best interests of the child - not yourselves, as a lot of damage has already been done.

I don't know if it's even possible but for the child's sake we should do all we can do

What makes you think being returned to someone still using drugs, and for whom losing their child wasn’t enough to break the habit, would be the best thing for the child’s sake?

This. 100% this.

You’re genuinely saying you want a child returned to the parent, regardless of that child’s needs/wants/safety/future, because you’re more worried about the offending adult than the child victim. If you want to help this adult to improve their life then that’s a noble aim, but doing it purely to drag a child back into a potentially dangerous situation, without any regard to their rights to a decent home life, is awful. A child is not a prop to make people feel worthwhile.

They tend not to do that if they feel that the relative will facilitate continued abuse. Given OP’s support of her relative over in spite of the child’s rights, SS may have made a judgement call on this one.

How is the child getting on? Are they thriving? Do they have contact with their parents? Would it be in their best interests to return home?
Ime birth parents are told what needs to happen if they want their child returned, ie get clean, have safe housing, possibly a parenting course, I have known children returned to their family once they complete all of the requirements. The important thing is that they cooperative with SS.

How old is the child OP? If it’s a baby then adoption may be on the cards. I notice a social worker has replied to offer advice so hopefully you come back soon and take them up on it.

It's a very sad situation for you all and I really feel for you, but can you honestly say that it's in the child's best interests to be returned to a situation which they were removed from because their needs weren't being met? How can they be assured of the safety and stability which every child needs to thrive? I think you need to remember that the child is an individual in their own right and they're not going to get a second chance at childhood... what happens to them now will set the scene for their own adulthood and how happy and stable this is.

Can your relative access any legal advice? Legal aid/pro bond? That would probably be the best place to start.

Yep. This.
The traumatised child victim should be the focus. The parents will know what they need to do in order to get the victim back in to their house, they can choose if they want to take action. Hopefully someone has got the victim in to intensive therapy and counselling. What a horrific start to life.

This.

They know what they need to do. They need to get clean. Anything else is just obfuscation.