Can anyone give me advice on how to get a child back after Social services put them in Foster Care

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My family member has lost their child.
Raging drug addiction after a very traumatic life.

It's a long road to recovery and they haven't stopped taking drugs cold turkey. Certainly the drug use has reduced significantly but not completely. I suspect they have hot rock bottom there was a case of 'what's the point?' in the beginning when child was first taken.

I don't think the parents are receiving any support (which is fair enough, they are adults and the child comes first) but they hit rock bottom and I was angry with them for a long time, withdrew contact (not completely) and blamed them for ruining their children's lives (2 children one is old enough to have moved out rather than go into care)

Now the dust has settled, I want to support the parents to at least try to get the child back (I don't know if it's even possible but for the child's sake we should do all we can do)
I feel really bad for being angry when they were clearly hurting and needed support.

Is there anything concrete to help them?
I'm thinking parenting classes and some sort of alcoholics anonymous but for drug addiction. Can't afford rehab but there must be other things to help.

Social services have been great with regards to the child but there has been no interest in helping the parents back on their feet,
what can I do to help?

• I am not trying to put a plaster over the situation, but we have had quite a few suicides in our family (hence the drug use as coping mechanism) and I am so, so worried that if they lose the child forever, possibly to be adopted or fostered long term they would do something stupid. or even overdose. This is only a blip in a normal life, brought on by bereavement. -

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.

Living with an addicted parent is absolute hell. Think carefully if you want to facilitate the poor child going back into that environment.

Want to add I can’t comment on what’s best for the child, maybe a well settled home with experienced foster carers is best. But a drug free life has to be better for anyone and I think that’s where your relative has to start— they need to want to be drug free, not just I’ll give up drugs if you give me my child back.
Goid luck, I hope whatever happens your relative can get their life back.

It's not a straight yes or no.

Courts will take into account all evidence.

Such as child's age, length of time in care, child's welfare etc.

Sometimes they grant visitation as an initial or as a permanent solution.

But it's always sad when these situations occur - addiction is an illness. It's great you want to support but I would be prepared for a long journey and remember the courts have ultimate decision making and will always do what they think is best for the child and that may differ from what you all think. You'll need to make sure the parent who has addiction is able to navigate this without relapsing.

As well as being drug addicts it is likely the child was neglected. Children are often removed as the last resort. There would have been many steps leading up to this for parents to step up I’m sure. The child needs to come first. Addiction often isn’t a blip. If they are now free of drugs as may look at it. Are they allowed contact? That would be a step. Or for a family member to be granted care of the child but only if it is safe to do so.

Exactly. As I said above, I know someone who fosters the children who have been removed from their parents. They give them a stable loving home and meet all their needs, which cannot always be said for the children who are returned to their birth parents.

If you genuinely believe that 'the best place for a child is with their parents' I suggest that you go and look at a couple of news websites.

The best place for the child is with their parents

A lot of research does show that children in foster care have far poorer health, educational and social outcomes even compared to children who come from similar dysfunctional backgrounds who stay with their birth parents so I get where you’re coming from.

The foster care system is in itself traumatising and some kids luck out with a great permanent foster care family but many don’t and have upwards of 10 foster placements.

And of course it goes without saying, all that doesn’t mean that no child should be removed from their home. Some parents are a literal danger to their children and I’ve seen some young people thrive in care.

OP, if you really don’t want your relatives in foster care with ‘strangers’ would you consider doing a kinship placement?

Personally I’d never let the child of any relative or close friend go into care if I could help it, but I understand everyone’s situation is different.

I have first hand experience with the same situation. I would like to applaud you for your empathy. The only way they have a chance to get the child back is to access local authority drug services. They must push for a clinical detox and then straight to a residential rehabilitation facility. This is possible and will be paid for by the local authority. They must get a family court solicitor for court appearances. The only chance is for the parent to become and stay abstinent from substances as soon as the detox begins. There are many hoops to jump through but if they give themselves a chance it is not impossible because when recovery begins strength, self respect and self belief kicks in. Good luck and my very best wishes.

If you have anymore questions I think I can help with most of them, again best wishes

I also think the child's views and opinions should be taken into account and the parents should respect this. Would they take the child away from Foster carers if they said they didn't feel safe about returning to the parents care?

For the addiction: speak to narcotics anonymous. Someone who is clean and sober will be able to come and meet them and take them to a meeting( it won’t let me post links here, Google uk narcotics anonymous there is a helpline)

for the child proceedings: speak to child law advice line or rights of women family law line. They should be entitled to legal aid as that is one of the categories left still funded ( child subject to care proceedings)
Can’t post the links but child law advice is an amazing website it’s a charity and they also have some useful guides

as someone who has seen both sides ( I’m a mum who got sober and changed for my child life is truly amazing, plus I’ve worked in law & seen many parents who don’t get well and sadly lose the child). All you can do is offer practical support & know when you have to let go if they won’t accept the help
good luck

OP - are you the parent by any chance? I may be way off, but that was my first thought.

Getting clean is the ONLY possible place to go with this.

No social worker will consider rehoming a child with a using addict. And nor should they.

A parent who is desperate to have their child back has to show this with action. Narcotics Anonymous and depending on the drug of choice, Gp can intervene - methadone programme for example.

As others have said, you should speak to the worker assigned with the case, but priorty has to be given to the wellbeing of the child which is why getting completely clean is so essential.

It sounds like a heartbreaking situation. and there isn't enough support or understanding of addiction, but there are some good resources out there and the addict should try to access as many as possible. But ultimately, only the mum can make herself get clean.

There was a post on here a while back by a lady who got her child back from foster care after a year. My memory is hazy but she definitely said that she had to keep asking social services what they needed to see and what needed to change for her to be able to be the child’s carer again. And she did everything they asked no matter how unreasonable or stupid she secretly thought the request was.

So I guess the starting point is ffor your relative to engage positively with social services as much as possible. If the social worker isn’t helpful get a lawyer.

The court process is usually on going if the child is under an interim care order.Each situation is different and depends on many factors, including the age of the child/children involved. Sometimes if they are very young the risk of social services etc pushing for them to be adopted. If they are older their feelings and wishes are in considered. The child should be represented by a legal guardian throughout the whole process and their role is to be the voice for the child. As I said before the number one thing the parent can do is demand a detox followed by residential rehabilitation treatment and demonstrate a genuine desire to get clean and prove to authorities they are willing to do what ever is required to get their child back if they are given the right support and a chance to do so.

I agree, if the children got taken away it’ll be the parents fault, not a burden for the children to bear.

I think you want the child back for the parents’ sake, not the child’s. And the child was taken for a reason. A good one.

Just came on here to say that have you seen the current news? That poor baby from the run away couple has been found. Dead. An 8 week old baby who should have been protected by the people who brought them into the world. The parents abused drugs and already had other children taken into care.. would you want that on your conscience? It's a tragedy. Thank about the child and their quality of life. They did not ask to be born to drug addicted parents. If the parents are a suicide risk even more reason for them not to have the child.

Exactly @Purplefoxes and yet there's still people expressing sympathy for the parents.
'Aww I can't blame them, they must have wanted to keep the baby so much'.. etc etc. Bloody maddening and more still of the (am broken record on this) 'it's their parental rights'...😡

you're allowed to express sympathy for the baby and the parents. These things are rarely back and white. Although a couple of years ago I would have sworn that they were balck and white.

I'm an ex-addict. Nearly 14 years clean.

There is absolutely no point in even thinking about getting the child back until the parent/s are clean and have been that way for a long time. It is grossly unfair, negligent even, to the child. The child's needs (not the parents or indeed your wants) MUST come first.

Sustained change can only ever come from within. You can't make them quit. Nobody can. The decision to stop and stay stopped will only happen when that person has their 'lightbulb moment'.

I do have sympathy for the parents. We all say things like 'You must be mental to use that stuff'. Well that is true. Nobody in their right mind gets addicted. There was clearly some underlying issue that they wanted to blot out. I bet they were offered what I am assuming was heroin at a particularly low point in their life. We all know what that stuff does to people - to say 'Yes' to it indicates you really don't give a shit about yourself, that your self-worth is non-existent and that you need something to make the pain go away.

Having said that, none of it is of any use to a child. A child needs care and stability. It will not get that from a drug addict. A child needs (and deserves) to come first. It will never come first to an addict. You need to accept the fact that your relative may not get the child back and that this may very well be in the child's best interests.

@tsj and others thank you, the advice in invaluable.
It is a sad situation and I have gone down the care leavers rabbit hole worrying about future and attitudes/ stigma.

I'm typing replies and deleting as too outing, upsetting. I am reading.

This!!!!!!⬆️

Upsetting though it may be, no child should ever be in the custody of a 'still drug-using' parent!

@MichelleScarn you left off half my sentence which continued "and the parents in the right place to support and care for them in the way the child deserves." If the parents aren't in the right place to be able to parent safely then of course the child shouldn't be returned to them yet. It's not about the rights of the parents, it's about recognising the needs of the child. And parents need to demonstrate their commitment.

Being removed from a family you've grown up in is deeply traumatising in itself and @BarbaraofSeville I know this because I work with young people in care so I have direct experience. The outcomes for young people in care are much poorer than they are for children who are successfully reunified with their parents ONCE the parents have successfully addressed the issues that led to the child being removed in the first instance. Foster care is not an ideal solution. Many young people will have multiple changes in Foster home particularly from puberty onwards. You're looking at as many as 9+ placements over a couple of years. That leads on to children becoming transient which is why a quarter of the UK homeless population has been in care at some stage. Obviously there are some young people who are really resilient and do very well and who have very stable Foster placements who understand how to help the young person manage their trauma. But in an ideal world those Foster parents would never have had to meet those children in the first place. That's why the best possible outcome is a parent who is able to become healthy mentally and physically and who is able to parent their own child in the way they should be parented. That's why social workers should always be working toward supporting family reunification unless there has been certain types of abuse which would mean reunification would always be unsafe for the child. Lots of addicts do recover and become fully functioning healthy people capable of parenting.

@Lavender14 but if the child is well settled with the Foster family and doesnt want to return to the birth family, but the birth family wants them back? What happens then?

Stay in touch with the child who aged out and left home. They may need financial help, emotional support, or help with employment and education. If you could offer space in your home, the older child might be interested in living safely with you rather than couch surfing, house share, or cramped bedsitter. It woukd be wise to create a contract before moving in with rights and responsibilities clearly discussed.

You need to put the child first in your thinking, if the parents won't someone should